<p>I am just about ready to press submit... but this essay is getting me. You have to explain an intellectually engaging or experience... is this good enough? I feel like it is lackign something </p>
<p>Last year in my physics class, I was assigned to build a bride using only Popsicle sticks and white glue. At the time my class was studying the different types of energy and velocity. This project was to demonstrate that while calculations are perfect on paper, in the real world ideal materials are not available. The only other requirements for the project were the bridge could be no more than 500 grams and had to hold at least 50 pounds.
This was definitely an intellectually engaging experience. For the next three weeks, I drew more than half dozen designs and attended workshops after school to learn more about different elements. I built an experimental model to test the weight and how much of a load it could hold. I learned not to smother the Popsicle sticks in glue or otherwise the bridge would be too heavy. From designing the bridge to the completed project, I faced many trials and errors, until one idea finally worked. This hands-on project reflected directly what we were learning in class. It required me to do careful planning and have patience in order to be successful.</p>
<p>Good job! I have a few suggestions, though:</p>
<p>“I was assigned to build a bride” - Bridge???</p>
<p>"At the time my class was studying the different types of energy and velocity. " - Maybe say velocity and different types of energy. Otherwise, it sounds like there are multiple types of velocity.</p>
<p>“This project was to demonstrate that while calculations are perfect on paper, in the real world ideal materials are not available.” - Maybe say that “while calculations can be perfect on paper, in the real world materials are not always available.” Perhaps you could expand on this a bit more? </p>
<p>"This was definitely an intellectually engaging experience. " - If “intellectually engaging experience” is the exact wording in the prompt, you may want to change it up a bit. </p>
<p>“to learn more about different elements” - What kind of elements?</p>
<p>“I learned not to smother the Popsicle sticks in glue or otherwise the bridge would be too heavy.” - You don’t need the word “otherwise.”</p>
<p>“the completed project,”- to stick with the verb usage prior to this, you may want to reword this so you can use “completing.”</p>
<p>“I faced many trials and errors,” - Perhaps you could explain some of them more in-depth? </p>
<p>"It required me to do careful planning " - The wording is a bit awkward. Maybe go with “I was required to carefully plan and to have…” </p>
<p>Remember, these are just suggestions. Hope I helped a bit!</p>
<p>Agree with the above posters. I like the essay, but the first paragraph lacks smooth transitions from sentence to sentence. Other than that it is a good essay. Also, when you say half dozen, it should be half a dozen.</p>
<p>I made some changes… does this sound a bit better?</p>
<p>Last year in my physics class, I was assigned to build a bride using only Popsicle sticks and white glue. At the time my class was studying velocity and the different types of energy. This project was to demonstrate that while calculations can be perfect on paper, in the real world ideal materials are not always available. The only other requirements for the project were the bridge could be no more than 500 grams and had to hold at least 50 pounds.
For the next three weeks, I drew more than half a dozen designs and attended workshops after school. At these workshops, I worked with college engineers on designs and technical problems. I first built an experimental model to test the weight and how much of a load it could hold. I learned not to smother the Popsicle sticks in glue or the bridge would be too heavy.
From designing the bridge to the completed project, I faced many trials and errors, until one idea finally worked.
I was required to carefully plan and to have patience in order to be successful. This experience was in intellectually engaging because I had to apply the lessons I was learning in class to a hands-on project.</p>