Does anyone have any tips on how to start the conversation about paying for college? My parents are very hands-off in this whole process. They’re more “I’ll support your decisions but I won’t get involved.” I’m worried about paying for college, and my parents are extremely secretive about finances. I cannot even ask how much one of our vacations is because they will push the question aside. I’ve tried to bring it up, but they would rather push it off. How do I start the conversation about paying for college with my parents?
Make a spreadsheet with three colleges that you know they’ve heard of and think highly of (maybe your state flagship, a college within commuting distance of your house, and then an out of state “famous” one- Notre Dame, Duke, U Michigan- just something they’ve heard of and think is a good school.
Populate the spreadsheet with the annual costs from their websites- how much is tuition, room and board, incidentals, etc. Maybe assume you live at home for the local college, but dorm for the other two.
Leave the spreadsheet on the kitchen table with the annual amounts circled and a note, “Can we talk about this? I’d like to get a sense of my limits when we begin to plan for my applications”.
That will wake them up pretty quickly if they’ve been thinking, “hey, 15K a year, we can swing that” instead of “70K per year, how the heck can we swing that?”
You might also mention, “This is how much it costs if I don’t get any financial aid. You can run Net Price Calculators to see what my real cost might be.”
Also important - you as the student are limited in the amount of federal loans you can take. For freshman, it’s $5,500. Any loans after that would either be your parents taking out federal loans, or private loans for which you would need a qualified cosigner. (there are some exceptions such as if your parents are denied a federal loan, but students on their own cannot typically finance their education without assistance).
Also,many families think if the student is a good student, somehow scholarships will cover all costs. Depending on your situation, there may be need-based or merit-based aid you could get, but you need to understand how both types of aid work and find schools that offer good aid.
Good luck - definitely putting actual total costs of attendance on the table is the best way to start the conversation. (Total cost of attendance for living on camps = tuition + room & board + fees + books + travel and personal costs as applicable)
It sounds as though it may be very difficult for @carmen00 to run the calculator for estimated family contribution if parents are that secretive about finances. Will you be able to guess-timate? You might have to just toss some random numbers in there: 75K, 100K, etc.
I think the idea is to just put the list price – without any financial aid or scholarships – out there for the parents to see (and hopefully come to their senses).
Right, and if the parents want to see if the list prices on the spreadsheet are what they really pay, then they can run the NPCs.
That’s a good idea…
@InigoMontoya my parents are definitely the ones who say “you’re smart! you’ll get a scholarship!” It’s frustrating to have to remind them that it’s not that simple, especially because no one in my family has ever gone to college. My parents aren’t too worried about paying for college. My dad wants to buy me a better car (the one I have now was passed down) and dislikes when I tell him that I’d rather have the money put towards college.
@blossom thank you! I’ve actually gotten some prices that do not include any aid while researching colleges so I will put those together for my parents. Let’s hope it opens their eyes to how expensive college actually is.
@AboutTheSame @AroundHere @Gatormama I think I might be able to get my mom to run some with me. My dad is much more secretive than she is. If I convince her, then maybe that’ll open up a good conversation about paying for college with both of my parents. We will just have to hope that showing them the full cost of college will get them to help me figure out what I can afford.
good luck @carmen00 - I’m a parent and I was stunned when I took my first look at today’s college costs compared with mine. It is a come to Jesus moment.
Does your school have a college night or is there a college fair coming to your area? Usually there is at least a starter course on financial aid as part of these events (‘what is a FAFSA?’ ‘state grants’)
First, I wanted to compliment you on how wise you are being to look into costs now, when you’re a junior. There are many posters who come to CC during 2nd semester of senior year and all of their applications are to colleges they cannot afford.
I’m going to suggest that the best thing for you to do is to assume your parents will contribute very little, and start looking at schools for which your stats will qualify for merit aid. Then, if the discussions go well and you find your parents will contribute X amount per year, you can add higher-priced schools to your list.
Did you take the PSAT and do you know if you’re in the running for National Merit Finalist?
From your other thread -
There are a lot of very wise CC posters who can suggest schools for you given your parameters.
Good luck and keep us posted!
@twoinanddone My school had a fafsa night at the end of September, which unfortunately we missed. I’m not sure if we’ll have another one this year or not. I haven’t heard anything about it. There’s another school in my area that holds a large college fair in May which I am planning on going to.
Unfortunately Pennsylvania is known for having high in-state costs. You might want to look at some of the schools known for good guaranteed aid - you can see what UAH offers here: http://www.uah.edu/admissions/undergraduate/financial-aid/scholarships
You could be competitive for merit scholarships at other schools as well. Just realize that you typically need to be in the top 10-15% of accepted students at a school to be in the range for substantial merit aid. You are in good shape - use the school search tool here and check the box to find schools where your stats might get you aid to help find some schools.
@GnocchiB thank you! And no, I am not going to qualify for National Merit. My PSAT scores were definitely not high enough to qualify. I am planning to start talking to my parents this week, so we will see how that goes.
@InigoMontoya When starting my search, I was so disappointed when looking at PA in-state costs vs other states’ in-state costs. I remember reading something about guaranteed scholarships at some schools. I will start looking into those! Thank you for the suggestion.
Your parents can run the NPC’s privately, without you seeing their income, if they prefer. Just ask if they would please do that for a few colleges so you’ll be able to pick affordable schools. Tell them that competition for scholarships has gotten really competitive and is not a sure thing. I think some (all?) NPC’s do include automatic scholarships that may be offered at that school.
I think at College Board or someplace, they can just enter their figures once and check out a lot of different schools. Remember that NPC’s are not set in stone and if your parents have a business or some other circumstances, NPC’s could be inaccurate.
I am ancient, but I remember when applying for college back in the day, my mother would not tell me anything about her income (lower middle class).
Many midwestern LAC’s offer substantial merit to students like you. It’s not automatic but it is common. But not “full ride,” more like a max of about half tuition, if that would be affordable to your family. The cost of attendance at midwestern schools is often lower than on the coasts.
Many lesser known western state universities–Wyoming, New Mexico, Utah, for instance, have out of state rates that are lower than other states’ in-state rates, or they offer very achievable merit awards that bring OOS tuition down to in-state (UNM Amigo scholarship & others).
Does your high school have the “estimator” sheet?
It’s a sheet that is put together by your counseling departments that lists schools and their annual costs to attend.
Oh!! @carmen00!!! You are in PA like we are!
If finances and stats aren’t great, suggest getting real familiar with this thread:
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-search-selection/1930643-best-and-worst-passhe-school-p1.html