<p>I agree with READING. Also from an early age we exposed our kids to CURRENT EVENTS by reading the newspaper and discussing it with them. TALK TO THEM AS ADULTS - use big words and they will acquire a big vocabulary. use baby talk and they wont. LET THEM BE CREATIVE - have lots of art supplies, basic musical instruments, etc. then you can detect what their passion might be. TEACH THEM MATH through card games and puzzles. CAR TIME IS LEARNING TIME - make it fun - word games and math games, books on tape, singing, discussing important issues. have a science book to answer questions like "why is the sky blue?" SAVE MONEY - if you can, set up an automatic deduction from your bank account into a designated savings account for college. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF FREE CULTURAL ACTIVITIES. We happen to live in a university town and go to free concerts and lectures all the time. My kids were often the only youngsters there. DON'T BUY VIDEO GAME SYSTEMS.</p>
<p>Wow--you have some GREAT stuff here. Sorry, I can't add anything that hasn't already been said. I was always fascinated in how my children's minds worked, and was amazed watching how they learned new things. That, as well as our backgrounds and own personal beliefs, translated into always setting education and love of learning as high priorities. You can't over-emphasize the importance of reading....if kids love to read, everything else comes so much easier. We always used books as rewards/treats...and a new book was always a celebration! My kids' ultimate dream was to live in a Barnes and Noble bookstore!!</p>
<p>Good luck to you, and as much as possible, never lose your sense of humor. Even now, with 18 and 16 yr old daughters, we still have lots of times where we laugh until we cry.</p>
<p>p.s. I echo the "No video game" policy, as well as setting limits on TV and computer time, and insist that computer games have some kind of learning component to them. (and eye-hand coordination in shooting people doesn't count as learning!!)</p>
<p>All of the above is good. Cherish and learn the differences for each child. Just because they come from the same gene pool does not make them the same. I would have learned sooner how different the second one was from the first one. By the time the 3rd was there I had learned to listen to and watch for the signals better.</p>
<p>God, this is a wonderful thread.</p>
<p>My son is still young, so I'm drinking all this in for myself. </p>
<p>I don't have much to add, but I will say this--don't let your interest in child development and your desire to learn about good parenting fade once you're past the infant stage. </p>
<p>I did a lot of reading and asking when my son was very young. Lord knows there were shelves and shelves of resources out there, and I received as gifts some of the typical "instructional manuals for babies" new parents get. Plus all the advice one gets (solicited or not). However, once he could communicate I really tapered off reading that kind of stuff--maybe too much. </p>
<p>I don't believe one should parent entirely from a book or the advice of outsiders, but there's nothing wrong with continuing to educate yourself. I'm just now getting back to reading more about school-age kids, their development, learning styles, and so on.... I've realized that I could have benefitted from more collective wisdom about what is normal, what developmental stages kids go through, how their learning changes, how to handle parenting challenges, etc.</p>
<p>Make sure he makes great friends. Peer pressure is enormously high at all ages. When shallow kids surround your child, he/she does not know any better. And making good friends needs exposure for the child and time commitment from parents. Dont limit his friend circle to immediate friends / family / school. Make him participate in group activities, from team sports to book clubs to day camps to play dates to hiking trips and so on. Get to know his friends, talk to them, meet their parents, get involved. Childhood friendship goes a long way and carries you through many obstacles. It provides a lifetime of unconditional love and support. Your kid will also get great benefits from social and communication skills hell develop along the way.</p>
<p>The current events post reminded me about letting them see you be active in your community, school, whatever and VOTING. Take them with you when you vote. Talk about the issues and the candidates, go to debates. Ok, not with an infant, but when kids are quite young they absorb a lot from what parents say and do.</p>
<p>When my son was very young and had stopped breast feeding he found sucking on a bottle of water to be comforting and relaxing. I was ok with that but didn't want him to associate comfort with just the bottle so I would read to him when he had a bottle. He called it "having bottle-book" and it helped him through the pain of ear infections, etc. When he graduated to a sippy cup, he still called it "bottle-book" and found it soothing. I don't know if this contributed to his being the voracious reader he is today, but it probably didn't hurt.</p>
<p>We also used time in the car to sing or have little discussions about things we heard on public radio, especially things about people being different in some way or having problems. It seemed like a good way of teaching compassion and understanding.</p>
<p>This has no bearing on college, but we quickly developed a bedtime ritual that was portable because we travel so much. Every night we would read to him in our bed and then put him in his bed and sing a song or two. To this day, certain songs make him yawn. Kind of cute.</p>
<p>What Jakeconmag said--ESPECIALLY #2 and #3. </p>
<p>I would also say be true to yourself as a parent, and don't let what you think you "should" be doing to make sure your child "reaches for the stars" overrule your instincts, values and personality.</p>
<p>I let myself be brainwashed by the cult of upper middle class overeducated baby boomers having babies about the time I had mine; the type that never had babysitters, did co-op preschool because they couldn't even let the kids be on their own for two hours three days a week...I thought that was the only "right" way to parent, and it was tense and stressful for me because it wasn't right for me. I was raised in a family that valued independence and the whole scene seemed to me to hinder kids' natural curiosity and trust in the world. If I had it to do over again I would have trusted myself and known that that style wasn't right for me or for my kids. Luckily for me I found a terrific K-8 school where the faculty was very good at encouraging independence--homework was seen as a child's job, not a parent's job. Parents were not encouraged to hang around in the classroom, but were encouraged to volunteer in other ways. They taught me a lot about encouraging true self esteem in children--kids don't develop healthy self esteem because you tell them they are so terrific all the time, the develop it as they become aware of their own competence. Letting them fail, try again, and master something after repeated attempts is the key to a confident child. </p>
<p>The environment I put my kids in was consistent with my values, and I think any school environment has to be that way--I do not mean to say this is the right type of school for all children; I am saying it is important to young children that their school, family and religious community (if the family is religious) are all "on the same page" in terms of values, expectations, and rules. It gives them an important sense of security.</p>
<ul>
<li><p>Read to your child, and make sure your child sees YOU reading</p></li>
<li><p>When your child is older, talk about/discuss the books you read; do the same with age-appropriate movies I'd encourage you to watch together. In other words, make books/movies more than just entertainment - talking will develop verbal/analytical/critical thinking skills</p></li>
<li><p>Dump the TV -- or limit yourself to over-the-air channels (i.e no cable)</p></li>
<li><p>When he's older don't give in to pleas for a video game system. He'll whine & resent it. But video games are the opium of the male child!</p></li>
<li><p>Again, when he's older, limit computer access, put into place screening software, discourage (or outright forbid) online games (see above.)</p></li>
<li><p>Expose him to music, art, science, hands-on projects. If you see him develop a particular interest go whole-hog encouraging him to explore it. It's not IQ that makes a good student. It's the passion.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>Advice: RELAX. ENJOY. DON'T STRESS the LITTLE STUFF. WORRY LESS. :)</p>
<p>Same messages as everyone else. Save early. Read to your kid. Family dinners. Music of all sorts. Don't use TV or videos as a babysitter. One thing I haven't seen: get lots of open ended toys: Empty boxes, art supplies, pieces of fabric. The best toy my kids had from about age two to ten? A huge homemade sandbox (6 ft x 6 ft) with the garden hose.</p>
<p>I agree with all the advice offered in this thread, and followed all of it (including the hugh homemade sandbox), but you should realize that there are no guarantees.</p>
<p>I read to both of my children a lot and both of them loved it, but neither of them like to read on their own. I love to read, and I am always modeling it. Also, my boys didn't have a video game player until age 14, but they always found a way to play (usually, at someone else's home). They also got around it by buying computer games which my husband allowed, unfortunately.</p>
<p>What I would do differently is make sure that they were in a school surrounded by peers who model what I would like for my child. In our case, my kids are in public school where everyone goes on to the state universities. We can afford a private university, but it has been like swimming upstream to get my son to even look at them because the prevailing culture is all about the publics. It's so much easier when your child is swept along by his peers which is the case at the private high schools around here. Vice versa could also be true. If you can't afford a private university then you would rather have your child surrounded by peers who are going to the publics so that he doesn't feel left out. This is true for everything, whether it's religion, respect for teachers, attention to schoolwork, etc. In high school, the peer group becomes very important so make sure you choose a high school with the kind of peers you want for your child. Of course, there is no perfect high school, just like there's no perfect college. Ultimately, you just have to relax and know that you are doing the best you can with what you have.</p>
<p>Revisiting this thread, I enjoy reading such wonderful advice from everybody! </p>
<p>Recently our 23-year-old told us the decision to outlaw video nintendo etc. TV games was our best decision, even though he resented it then, sought it out at others' homes, and bought one for himself at age 19...it sits upstairs now in his empty room. </p>
<p>You know, it may not matter what you do or don't allow re: media but that you position yourself and make some/any rules, so they know you and not the media, are raising them.</p>
<p>We are very pro- and anti- media at the same time. We drew the line at buying nintendos, running a TV during any family meal or when company walked through the door. Others might choose different "battle lines" but I think today you have to decide and not wimp out. Whether it's #'s of hours, types of movies rented, whatever represents your family's values, don't be afraid to take a stand. It certainly will differ from others in your neighborhood, but that models for your child that you (and someday s/he) makes social decisions, and your family is current but not ruled by peer custom if you disagree with it.</p>
<p>We are "pro" media in that we often went to movies together, watched them and talked about them at home, and considered them a form of literature as significant as novels. In their pre-teen years we went with them to some selected "R" movies where the reviews indicated great messages, for example, I think "Ali" starring Will Smith was rated R but it really expanded my 14-year-old boy's understandings to see it at that age. Today, two of our kids are going for careers in the performing arts, atop their college degrees.</p>
<p>We got some of the early software that encouraged story-writing home on our PC, combining pictures with words. Now this 21-year-old writes and illustrates seamlessly.</p>
<p>Some of these early enrichment experiences really do bear fruit. Most of them just become "tries" to discover what the child's passions are. So we had many dead-ends where they tried an instrument, sport, or dance class for one or two seasons. If you see it isn't "magic" for your child (under age 10ish), move on to try something else rather than insist they do something not enjoyable. There are so many options, it's not necessary to cling to one particular activity or extra-curricular interest. Instruments or sports equipment bought can be re-sold. The only investment you have is in your kid, not the clarinet or helmet.</p>
<p>A funny story: I knew that Little League was wrong for my D at age 6, when she was supposed to run from second base to third, but stopped to chat with the shortstop.
The coach was screaming, "Run!" and I could hear her saying to the shortstop, "Nice shoes! Where'd you get those shoes?" </p>
<p>And my advice, which might differ markedly from others, is don't get sold a bill of goods that your child will be eligible for a sports scholarship someday, as the reason to devote half their childhood hours to organized team sports. If they're not sporty,<br>
look out for theater, band, or community activism as equally great ways to develop the values of sportsmanship, teamwork, disciplline and practice. Same as sports. Just try to fill in with some personal sports that will keep the child healthy; perhaps swimming, hiking, biking, or non-competitive tennis -- but all done in their own time-frame. </p>
<p>But as for today, here's another suggestion (oh how I wish I had a baby here, right NOW!!):
Put your face right into your baby's belly.
Blow hard like a raspberry sound until the baby laughs merrily.
Look at how happy you've just made each other.
Remember that feeling for the coming years.</p>
<p>All of the advice is wonderful. But I agree with Paying3Tuitions: Try to just savor every moment you have with your children. </p>
<p>Even when they are driving you nuts, there will come a time when you will look back and wish you could go through each of the stages of their lives with them again. Don't get so caught up in worrying about the future, or daily things that really aren't all that important in the greater scheme, that you miss out on all the opportunities to just appreciate your child for who they are NOW, at this moment, not what they may be at some distant point in time. They are only babies for an instant, only toddlers for an instant, only gap-schooled elementary schoolers for an instant, and yes, only teens for an instant. Focus on the now.</p>
<p>My mother gave me this advice when my first child was born, but I didn't really listen or realize right she was until that first born went off to college. My second child is now six foot four and looking at colleges too - I still remember the exact last time he reached out and spontaneously held my hand (he was 9 at the time). I would give anything to have paid more attention to that moment and to not have let go of his hand so quickly. </p>
<p>So, don't worry so much about the future that you forget to enjoy the NOW with your child every day and at every stage. The truth is, our main role as parents eventually comes down to getting them ready to fly out of our nest. So, while they're still in your nest, make spending time with them, and watching them, and enjoying them for who they are NOW, not what they may become your priority number 1.</p>
<p>One more thing: do your best as a parent, but don't worry that you're a bad mother if sometimes your best isn't perfect. It will be good enough. Few children turn out exactly as expected, but each and every one is a blessing.</p>
<p>So, don't worry too much about the future. Turn off your computer and go in and watch your baby sleeping if they're taking a nap, and when they wake up give them that rasberry Paying3Tuitions recommends. Give it for me, and all the other moms who wish we still could give rasberries to our big strapping almost adult kids.</p>
<p>Buy the OED (Oxford English Dictionary) and look up new words to use every day. Let your child get into this habit. Read aloud poetry. As soon as he is able to, have him keep a journal. Have him read the journals of Thoreau and the letters between Rilke and Andreas Salome. Read Shakespeare's plays aloud and also Plato's Dialogues. My son, now 18 and off to Columbia said he was fascinated by my reading to him of Phaedo when he was barely 5 and thus introduced the subject of death, immortality, etc.</p>
<p>^^ funnneeee</p>
<p>The OED and Shakespeare are not for every child, but it is a good thing to read to your child from materials that are above his current level, to stretch the mind. Start reading novels to your child at age 4-5.</p>
<p>One thing that I wish I'd done more of is MORAL education. Hit on honesty very hard in the preschool/early elementary years. I didn't do enough with that, and the current culture with teenagers is not about being very honest. I am sorry I didn't take my D to church regularly until 6th grade. If you want your child to have a church home, start that in preschool.</p>
<p>Too many toys: try to keep the toy accumulation down. Looking back, my D values her books, her dollhouse, one doll, and one stuffed animal. We could have skipped all the rest and saved that money for college. </p>
<p>Thank you notes: we always wrote notes together from when my D was old enough to draw a little on the page. I insisted on a note for each gift and it is a firm habit with my D now.</p>
<p>I tried to reach for a book when my D was upset as a comforting device. We would sit together and read in the rocker and later in our favorite recliner. I thought reading as a comforting activity was a good thing to instill.</p>
<p>Maintain physical contact -- handholding, hugs, pats on the back -- as many times as you can during the day. Just resting your hand on your child's back or shoulder while doing stuff together does wonderful things for the brain and for the sense of connectedness that so many people seek. Humans are always hungry for touch yet once they get past the toddler stage, touching drops off dramatically until they start dating (Yikes!). </p>
<p>Music is also excellent for building those pathways in the brain that lead to improved learning as is reading repetitive stories (not just Mozart!). Goodnight Moon is a classic for this reason. The sound of a loved voice reading poetry or even the newspaper builds brains. </p>
<p>When your child shows an interest in reading (3-4 or 5), look up the 100 Most Commonly Used Words -- there's lists on the 'net. Create flash cards and invent games until s/he has these words down pat. These will help a child enormously with confidence when they get into the classroom. If they start out thinking of themselves as good readers, they will grow up to be good readers. Don't rely on the schools to teach basics (phonics or multiplication tables) because a lot of them time they are so busy teaching 'school behavior' (aka sit down, be quiet, don't hit/bite/throw things) that they don't have time to teach basic material. </p>
<p>Finally, when you argue with your spouse/SO, let your kids not only see the fight but also how you apologize to one another and come to an agreement. Treat everyone in the house with respect and manners -- even your kid. If you say please and thank you and use a sincere respect towards him/her, she'll model it back...eventually. I read once that -- out of college -- 80% of a person's success is politeness. Saying please and thank you will get you just as far if not farther than fancy degrees.</p>
<p>bookiemom, half my point was to read and think aloud at a higher level than the child is used to or can even comfortably comprehend. Not a bad idea to leave the child slightly puzzled and wanting to find out. I beg to differ: the OED is for everyone. Vocabulary has a very strong correlation with IQ, academic success etc. Yes, Shakespeare is for everyone and to go through life not having enjoyed Shakepeare is to have missed out on what it means to be educated. I am disappointed that you dismiss Shakespeare so lightly.</p>
<p>This might the best thread I've read on CC in over a year. So many good things for moms...and dads and I agree with nearly all of it! Personal strongest reinforcement is to travel if money allows it. Our world is getting smaller and having a familiarity and ease with it will lead to a more adaptable person (you and baby) and at a time when the US will have to learm more about and from non-US cultures. Read, movies, museums/art, music (all forms including some you don't like), mimimal video games, breakfast everyday and family dinners as frequently as possible and I also second the idea of getting involved with some enterprise larger than you or your family as this builds a connectedness to our world and to your community. And if your child displays a passion for anything, nurture it. Developing a skill that a child can call his or her own is wonderful for helping children mature into confident young women and men.</p>
<p>Things to get you through life sucessfully ....</p>
<p>** Wear a bike helmet - always
** Wear a seat belt - always
** Hang out with people who think learning is important
** Do your best - always
** Help others
** Read
** Get outside and be active
** Learn about the world
** Being brave = being scared and hanging on for one more minute
** You can't learn while you are talking
** Know how to make at least one killer desert</p>