So I will be starting college next year and I HATED high school. I had no friends and no true connections. I never did anything fun no prom or ball or anything. I really want to reinvent myself for college now. Anyone been through this before. I had a few ideas- delete all my social media so people cant assume i had no friends and just restart it (also I dont really plan on keeping in touch with any hs people so I think itll be fine if i lose that contact with them). Also I was thinking if buying new clothes, try to feel more confident etc. I’m just really worried I wont be able to change and will be that loner again. Im going to a school in a state bordering the one I live in and its fairly popular with people at my school but I dont think itll be a problem since its such a big school. Any advice??
College is seen as a fresh start for a lot of people, whether they want to leave behind their “reputation” from high school or whether they just want to distance themselves from their hometown. However, I don’t think you have to change yourself or try to be someone you aren’t. You’ll be going to a big school with thousands of other students; I think you’re very likely to meet a crowd of people you fit in with better than you did with anyone in high school. You don’t need to change who you are, you just need to meet more people like you.
That’s true, I hope it happens
Leave your social media alone (my D was sort-of friends with a boy who went off to college and decided to “reinvent” himself – he dumped all his social media friends). My D had gone out of her way to include him sometimes (he was not a popular kid in their class), and she thought he was being a jerk. (He is still known as “The Waffle” in our house 8 years later). There is no point in burning whatever tenuous bridges you do have. What is the point?
A few new clothes won’t hurt, but my D2 had her biggest pre-college meltdown over clothes and feeling like she didn’t have the right stuff for college a few weeks before she left. Don’t be “studentzilla” to your parents about getting too much new stuff. But sure, a few new things that you feel confident in are good.
The key is what you DO when you get to college. Go on all activities you are invited to for the first few months. Join a few clubs that look interesting. Strike up conversations in class, and see if people want to study together or get coffee. If you have the chance to live in some kind of learning community, take it. Get a part time job (great way to meet people).
I think reinvention is something that can’t be forced. If you do things differently than you did them in high school - get more involved in clubs or whatever interests you - then you are inevitably going to change. The confidence will come from within you and people will be attracted to that. You’ll be exposed to many more people, and hopefully you’ll find others who appreciate who you are. So go ahead and get the new clothes and whatever else will make you feel ready to take on the college world. But I’m guessing you’re already just fine the way you are, you only need to grow in ways that are almost inevitable in college and see that growth reflected back to you in the new friends you’ll have around you.
If you do have personality traits that you think other people find grating (no idea if you do or not), you might make an effort to change that.
Ahh feel like I will be having that meltdown a couple weeks before college starts over anxiety and making everything perfect. Guess its unavoidable though
If you feel like you will be having a meltdown – maybe it’s time to talk to a counselor? You seem depressed, on edge and very anxious. There’s nothing wrong with that – plenty of people, at your age especially – go through a hard time. Use this time - end of high school and pre-college – to learn how to make peace with yourself, and how to focus in a positive way on the future. The fact that you’re semi-anticipating a meltdown, or a significant crisis of some sort, may be a sign that some professional help may be in order.
College does provide a chance to start over in the social scene.
I was actually going through depression earlier this year, but its improving now. I think I’m just worried I will mess up in college and be back in that dark place I was in during high school.
You could have been me in high school. I was isolated, never had a date, and generally kept to myself. College was a complete turn around for me. I didn’t do anything special except walk away from high school after graduation and never look back.
Understand that you’ve been growing inside these past four years even though you haven’t been able to let that show. You may find that you’re the one with the best college experience because you’ll be open to new paths. The people who shone in the high school scene rarely look for something new in college. Instead they stick to the social world they knew when they were 15 and 16…which is pretty pathetic in a 20 year old. You’ll know them when you see them. And you’ll laugh.
So go ahead and get new clothes if that makes you feel better (I’m a big believer in retail therapy) but instead of a whole new look, think about buying a few top quality elements of the types of outfits you already wear.
Don’t worry about being perfect…just put effort into DOING things…joining clubs, going places if invited, goign to dorm events, inviting people to campus activities.
@Otterma ,just wondering if you had a roommate for freshman year and if that helped?
I did have a roommate and it did help. We didn’t become best friends and over time we developed our own social circles but it was good in the beginning to have someone to go to dorm events and other activities with. I probably would have skipped most of them otherwise. Also, even though we didn’t become good friends, I met people through her that I did become close to (and vice versa).
My D1 and I were talking about this yesterday – she said her generation just considers chatting with a therapist as a “tuneup” that might be needed now and then. (Turns out she and her sister have both done it, I had no idea). You might consider it.
Regarding roommates, don’t go in expecting your roommate to be your best buddy. If you can co-exist peacefully, that is great. Maybe agreeing on some stuff ahead of time (look up roommate contracts, see if your roommate agrees it would be a good idea to have one to discuss common friction points prior to hitting those issues). If your roommate ends up being a good friend, that is a bonus. But don’t have an idealized notion of that – you don’t make friends with everyone you meet, and roommates are no exception. You probably will have a roommate, very few colleges have singles for freshman anyway.
Be very enthused – not only can you re-invent yourself, you WILL, and almost everybody does. I think you may be shocked how much of that old baggage is left at the station (unless of course you insist on dragging it along). By 2nd semester you won’t even recognize yourself, and you will want to go back in time to tell your old self not to worry. It’s the single best thing about going away to college.
Best of luck to you. The new you AND the old you. 
Not every one can just “be very enthused” (reminds me of telling women to “Smile!” – don’t get me started). Putting on a completely false personality isn’t a great idea, or usually even possibles. But make an effort to talk to people and be pleasant to them in general.
Sorry your misinterpretation of my post was probably a result of bad writing on my part. I wasn’t saying “pretend to be enthused to change your life”, I was saying he should feel enthused because what he wants to happen is probably going to happy quite naturally. More explicitly, don’t worry about it, it will happen if you just let it.