For my personal CommonApp essay, I wrote about my financial hardships and the circumstances that led me to stealing as a child. I’d argue it’s a great essay - it deals with the subject maturely and talks about how I’ve developed from it as a person, but I’ve had a couple people comment that it might make an admissions counselor/team uneasy regardless. It’s about as personal as a personal essay can get - obviously, there’s a such thing as too personal, but I don’t think it tows that line.
Should I stand by my essay, or is it not worth the risk? Any commentary would be appreciated.
They are a way to differentiate you from others…you are more than your GPA/SAT numbers.
How can you tell them about you, the individual? I don’t think this is the way to do it.
You don’t want them to think “the stealing kid”. when they think of you.
Google “Hacking the College Essay 2017” and read it.
Write the Essay No One Else Could Write
“It boils down to this: the essay that gets you in is the essay that no other applicant could write.
Is this a trick? The rest of this guide gives you the best strategies to accomplish this single
most important thing: write the essay no one else could write.
If someone reading your essay gets the feeling some other applicant could have written it,
then you’re in trouble.
Why is this so important? Because most essays sound like they could have been written by
anyone. Remember that most essays fail to do what they should: replace numbers (SAT/GPA) with the real you.
Put yourself in the shoes of an admissions officer. She’s got limited time and a stack of
applications. Each application is mostly numbers and other stuff that looks the same. Then she picks
up your essay. Sixty seconds later, what is her impression of you? Will she know something specifically
about you? Or will you still be indistinguishable from the hundreds of other applicants she has been
reading about?”
I should probably clarify; the subject of the essay is not so much about my stealing as it is the fact that I was raised in a situation where I had to resort to stealing, and how I pulled myself out of it (and my circumstances in general - I have a pretty extensive “Additional Information” section). The intent is definitely not as a confession, but rather as a redemption story and how I hope my story can inspire others in similar situations.
But either way, your points still stand; thank you for providing them.
P.S.: “Toe the line” makes a lot more sense than “tow the line”, haha. Haven’t ever seen it written before, but I guess I should’ve figured with the “line” part and all.
Also - I should mention that this was all about ten years ago. Not necessarily saying that it makes anything better per se, but it certainly wasn’t a recent incident or a lapse in character. I was a careless child, for all intensive purposes (and yes, I do know the phrase is “intents and purposes”).
Very few topics are completely taboo, if it is true, compelling, and written well, you should consider it carefully. One admissions official told a bunch of parents/applicants at an information session about a great essay written a few years ago by a kid who was formerly a child soldier at age 6 in a war-torn foreign country, who had come to a nearby city in America at the age of 9, and ten years later, by his senior year in high school, he was in the top 5% of his class.
Obviously, if the topic was written poorly (like using “all intensive purposes” or “tows the line”, it would hurt. Similarly, it would hurt if it sent the wrong message - suppose the child soldier instead spoke longingly about his days carrying a machine gun…
Think about what the school is doing when they read your essay - will they think you are an inspiration to others, or will they think you’re a former delinquent potentially likely to relapse.
Right, that’s the thing - I think it’s definitely an honest essay if nothing else. I’m not particularly interested in washing my personality or my essay to be more appealing to admissions, regardless of if I include the stealing part or not.
And if I hadn’t been clear enough, I was very young at the time, and the circumstances rather demanded it (although there obviously isn’t any justification for stealing). I don’t speak about it with any sort of pride or self-satisfaction, it’s entirely regretful/remorseful. The intent of including it is to place emphasis on the “redemption” part and how I use my story as inspiration to help others (my volunteer work/extracurriculars tie into this). The possibility that a school sees me as a delinquent is negligible - and if they’re too face-value to move on from that part, then I wouldn’t mind if I’m not accepted.
The essay itself is pretty polished. The “intensive purposes” part is related to a belief system of how I think the English language should function (not relevant for a college essay subforum and not the kind of language present in my essay). The “tows the line” part was pretty goofy though - I’ll own up to that.
Anyways, thank you all for the input. Chances are I’ll probably play it safe and not include it, at least for my reach schools.
“The circumstances rather demanded it…” When I read something like that, it’s a red flag. If any of that attitude comes across in the essay, it would be a real turn off.
The point isn’t if any poster likes the idea. Its how those adcoms react. You want to show the attributes they want in the class. Among other qualities, that includes integrity.
And a focus on the high school years, the growth there. This isn’t a hs essay meant to see deep secrets you reveal, for a writing teacher who knows you, the person you are now. It’s for strangers, reviewing you for an admit.
It’s one thing to briefly reference your actions as a child. It’s another to make childhood actions a major part of the essay. The person they’ll tevuew for admit is your present self. You could note “actions I’m not proud of, in retrospect.” They don’t need all the down and dirty.
You make the choice. But they get to choose whether they admit you. So yes, the right presentation matters. Not “It’s me. I’m not going to wash out my personality.”
No idea what colleges this is for. But be savvy. Know what strikes the right chords.
It’s not a major part of the essay, by any stretch. It’s intended as an emphasis on how much I’ve grown since then and what my goals are now. Even in the draft in which I’m considering including it, it’s mentioned more in passing than anything.
I’m not particularly sure where it seemed like I was curious if a poster would like it or not. The question is more about whether the mere mention of it would unsettle an admissions board or if it’s appropriate if handled appropriately.
As for the “right presentation” comment, I think that mostly comes down to a matter of opinion. IMO if a college doesn’t like what I have to say then it’s probably a good indicator that I’m not a great fit for the school. I’d rather not force a different version of myself to strike “the right chords”. I’m writing my essays tactically, but there’s a fine line between being smart about applications and tailoring my personality.
If adapting your wants to theirs is a hassle, just understand this is about how you fit what they want. Applying with the idea a reject is some fortuitous sign? You should already know if the school is a fit, if you want them, before you invest the energy. IMO.
I actually kind of like it. Done right it could be a great break from all the “How Model UN changed my life” and “My mission trip” essays AOs must be sick to death of reading. Do have someone read it for tone and make sure it’s really about your good qualities, but I think if you avoid self-pity it could make for a compelling essay.
Nobody here ever read Les Miserables? Yes, it’s a risky subject; no, it should not be taboo. As a lawyer and a frequent essay reader for CC kids in a quandary, I’d be happy to give you an opinion if you like.