You clearly like the school, but your son is the one who needs to decide if it’s a fit for him. I am not so sure i would agree that it is up to him to change his attitude about where he is… what’s wrong with wanting to fit somewhere because that’s where you naturally feel comfortable?
I’d agree with letting him put some transfer applications in, and if any of them are successful he can revisit at that stage whether he still wants to transfer. Yes, it’s early in; but many of us in the parents of HS2019 thread have already said their kids are happy and thriving where they are. Why is it so hard to accept that some kids are not, or that they may not necessarily change their minds about it spending longer there? I’d go with at least giving him the option of whether he still feels the same in a few months when transfer decisions come in.
On the other hand, assuming that the parents are correct–and they know their son best–if it works out, it could be a great experience in a tight knit community.
Fiske Guide writes about this school: If you are rich, white & preppy, you can join the club. (Not an exact quote other than the first phrase.) This is a Greek dominated campus. Mostly conservative atmosphere. Yet 46% qualify for financial aid.
At a school with such a strong, distinctive culture, you should know within the first year whether or not it is a good match. Absent any sort of hazing or abuse, it is reasonable to give this school a chance. But, if it isn’t a fit by the end of the first year, it is highly unlikely that things will change.
In a more diverse and / or larger community, one can find his tribe. Not so easy here-- either you fit or you don’t.
There are some similarities to that effect at Rollins College (not the school under discussion here) in Winter Park (Orlando area), Florida. Wonderful country club like amenities & atmosphere. Good business school with other majors including communications, social sciences & performing arts. Also attracts wealthy students, yet 54% qualify for financial aid. You either fit or you don’t, but it sure is find trying to decide.
If OP’s son decides to apply elsewhere as a transfer student, standardized test scores may not be required by some or most targeted schools.
Sounds like he’s homesick. That’s normal. You’re doing the right thing by encouraging him to stay. This experience may be good for him. Honestly…lol, he doesn’t know culture shock until he’s spent some time in Africa. THAT’S culture shock!
If he’s at a small school dominated by Greek life and that is not his scene, I can see why that would be a hard adjustment. However, if he won’t attend club meetings and get out, he’s going to have a problem anywhere. I think plenty of kids are struggling to make social connections yet only 2 months in. My own freshman is doing great academically but is slower to put himself out there socially. He did join and is attending 2 clubs though.
I’d probably let his fill out transfer paperwork on the condition he jumps into participation in these clubs and continues working on social and academic connections. If he won’t do that, I might look for a commute from home option.
I will say my freshman was looking at a huge range of schools and was really favoring small LAC’s into the spring this year. But a fantastic financial deal and wooing by a faculty member made all the different in late April this year and he ended up choosing a large flagship in a decent size city in a neighboring state. I really think he would have been bored and unhappy at a smaller school now fairly quickly. But I will say even 4 hours from home, there are some “cultural” differences in this campus. But it’s large so there really is something for everyone there.
I know this school well. My D attended freshman year; she transferred sophomore year. She actually left because she needed a different academic environment, and she transferred to another southern school. She made good friends freshman year … two of whom were in her wedding party a decade later. She never quite fit in the south, but she was really pleased with her new school and was glad she transferred there. If you want, please feel free to PM me.
To answer the questions - he still likes the school, and it’s still a great fit for him, although he hates the Greek life (that was the only reservation I had about that school really). I can’t really explain the “southern culture” other than saying, they have a different way about them than they do where we come from. I don’t really want to offend anyone by saying any more than that. It’s not right or wrong - just different. Anyone who has moved to the south from other parts of the US will understand what I’m talking about. There is also the issue of it being far from home so he can’t just stop by when he’s had enough.
The reason I say that he may need to change his attitude is because he may be letting that cloud his judgement. I don’t think he should just “get over it”, but I do think that if you’re looking for the negative, you will always find it so why look there? Why not focus on the positive and just let the negative things be small and insignificant instead? However, if it’s something he just can’t get past, then of course, I’ll support him.
He is planning on touring a school from his original list that he really liked. I’m not keeping him from filling out an application, and the decision is ultimately up to him. I’m not the mean controlling mom who’s going to stop him from transferring. However, I will give him my thoughts about it.
Just trying to get a handle on the “southern culture” thing- and what’s bugging him. There are regional differences in lots of places (try asking for driving directions in rural Maine, or getting a suggestion of what to order in a restaurant in Minneapolis) but I’m not sure that these differences really matter to a college kid.
An older edition of Fiske Guide To Colleges called this moderately sized school of conservative Baptist heritage:
“The Country Club of the South. And if you’re Southern, white, Christian and conservative, y’all are likely to love it here.”
Another apt insight, based on my exposure to this school, was shared in the same Fiske Guide quoting a then current student:
“people aren’t really involved in social and political issues , but everyone is obsessed with perfection–academically, spiritually, socially, and physically.”
Another quote from a student who transferred to the College of William & Mary after his freshman year.
“The school feels very “vanilla” to me, and I’ve become very self conscious this past year because I’m not from the south and not the typical country-club person.”
“I just want to know if people become more inclusive and less close-minded later on at [this school] or if it always feels like high school.”
This person described himself as a nerd non-partier who is a bit of an introvert.
P.S. I am posting these insights as a way for others, including OP, to see this school. Also, it should be easy to understand why parents and many students love this environment.
I’m aware of the conservative preppy vibe. My S actually fits into that category (not really sure how that happened since my other son is extremely liberal and hates designer labels). It’s one of the reasons I thought he’d like it there, rather than trying to have him fit into a liberal school. I thought the comments about the school were a bit harsh and probably from students who hated the school. There are plenty of other comments from kids who love it there, and it gets high ratings on Niche. Trust me, I did my homework before we looked at schools so I could find ones that he would feel comfortable at. The most liberal ones did not make the cut.
As I said before, I will not go into too much detail about the southern feel. It’s just different and not something he’s used to, and doesn’t like it. I mean, even simple things like Greek life and cheerleading being so huge there is different. The food is different. The beliefs are different. He may adjust to it, and he may not. He’s not one that typically likes change, though.
Right now, I’m just letting him explore his options. I guess we’ll see how he feels in the spring.
Your son’s concerns are with the social life & feeling of loneliness. OP wrote that son is lonely and bored despite having friends.
Academics are fine.
Conservative, preppy vibe exists at almost all Southern schools–especially those with Greek life–and at many, probably most, schools in the country. The difference here is that it may be that without fraternity membership one may feel, and actually be, left out socially.
Entering into a Southern Baptist environment can be a bit challenging socially.
The answer is clear. Apply as a transfer to a few schools while doing his best to integrate into the social fabric at his current school.
The issue is whether this is an attempt to fit a square peg into a round hole. My best guess based on very limited knowledge is that this may well be the case. Unfortunately, being conservative and preppy may not be enough to make this a comfortable environment for the full four years despite the best intentions of the parents & the student.
We moved 9 times in 11 years in our early marriage and our brief stint in the south was the hardest in terms of integrating and meeting friends. Everyone I’m still in touch with from that time period were also transplants from other regions. We found southerns to be outwardly nice but not willing to make the extra effort to actually be friends. Definitely felt like there was a barrier that we couldn’t cross.
Africa is big, and diverse, like the US. There is probably way less culture shock between a predominantly liberal city in the US and somewhere like Cape Town, than between that same aforementioned city and somewhere in the south in the US (not necessarily the one under discussion).
Anyway, culture shock is subjective, like fit. You can look at all sorts of things on paper, but sometimes a place just feels wrong to someone even it sounds like a good fit.
Actually…lots could be different. This is a small college with a huge Greek presence. It is not within walking distance of the town it’s in.
This student could transfer to a school where being part of the Greek system is not an expectation. He could be closer to home. He might find a circle of friends that share his interests with a larger choice from which to choose.
He could end up being happier.
I say…let him do transfer application(s) so his options are open. If he ends up liking his current college…fine. But at least his options will be more open if he completes applications elsewhere…having options is good.
Reading this entire thread I envisioned W&L at every corner, but alas I was wrong! If come the winter break the sentiment remains I would consider letting my kid transfer. Why spend more time unhappy?
Our son was in a similar position his first year. We urged him to stick it out, and he did. He still didn’t like the school his second year, and we suggested that he consider transferring since he had really given it a shot. He said he didn’t want to go through the whole process again, since there was no guarantee he’d be happier anywhere else. So he spent 4 years at the same school and got his degree this past May.
I’m sorry he didn’t have a better college experience, but like him, I don’t know if transferring would have helped.
@MAandMEmom : W&L is not the school in question although there are similarities.
Concerns are about cliques, and rules that make this school similar to high school (after missing 2 classes in same course notification goes out, strick enforcement of drinking rules & laws, obsession with appearance, judgmental culture, etc.).
Some practices may please parents, but not young adults.
Nevertheless, retention rate is about 90%, similar to BYU, as most understand the environment & school culture that they are entering. (And BYU is inexpensive.)