<p>Maybe I'm not trying hard enough, or maybe I'm just not good at doing so, but I'm still trying find a niche to hang out with. It's rather sad sometimes..</p>
<p>I mean there are acquaintances, but there's still no group of friends I've made here that I could count on when I'm in trouble or just talk to without the other person feeling annoyed...</p>
<p>focus on the people in your dorms...get to know the people living on your floor, then expand your friend base to people on the other floors as well. a lot of socializing goes on in the lounge(s), check that out as well.</p>
<p>hope that helps :</p>
<p>Are you a first year student? If so, remember how long it took you to make real & good friends in your high school days. Any one you have met since September is still a new friend, it will take months to really learn who they are and for them to get to know who you are, hanging out-yes, but deeply felt late night talks may take a while.</p>
<p>Find as many appropriate resources as possible- club/IM sports; campus job, Greek life, dorm friends, social clubs, church, anything in which you are interested, find a social function. Then give it the remainder of the school year to find the potential lifelong buddies within those crowds! Give yourself many opportunities to find your kindred spirits in the cord. With 30,000 people on campus, there have got to be some people who are like you out there and they are looking for you. Give everything you do 100% energy and see if things don't turn around in time. The advice I gave my D was the same as above and this year is going so much better than the first. If you have come from a place wherein you had a very strong social support group, then you need time to find and create a similar resource at Berkeley. Make it happen.</p>
<p>That's Berkeley, you have to deal with it. Without a way of working and seeing people on a constant basis its very hard to make friends and Berkeley doesn't offer a lot of activities in that regard. Clubs meet once a month, dorm-mates are often shallow and talk about immaterial things rather than common interests with you. </p>
<p>The Berkeley social life is underwhelming at best if you really care about quality of relationships. Berkeley apologists who tell you otherwise are mostly leading you down a fool's path. Berkeley is so big and people schedules so diverse that its very unlikely that you'll meet anyone that will have the same schedule as you as well.</p>
<p>I think the best way to develop deep friendships might be through christian fellowships since you will see each other weekly at church and christians tend to be nicer than the rest of the campus (despite what a lot of the people on the board might say). </p>
<p>The key is to find people with time and similar interests and church groups are usually the best bet for that.</p>
<p>Shiboing Boing:</p>
<p>You are wrong about the social life here. It is very easy to make friends here at Berkeley, and people here are not shallow. I have already made many friends in my hall, and we have meaningful conversations that are interesting. Also, most clubs here do not meet once a month; they meet one a week. </p>
<p>You just have a be patient firax. You will find a niche eventually. My advice to you is to be more open about yourself to others, and don't be nervous.</p>
<p>yah man, the key to social life at berkeley is not being shy; if you're shy its most definately easy to feel alienated (unless you seriously just want to lock yourself up in your room and study all the time).
Find something you dig, and do it, you'll find your niche.
And don't take Shiboinboing or w/e too seriously, he's in a class of people here who can't find anything good in life and constantly complain about their inability to fit in.
Get out there and find something you love, go to parties, meet people, hell make a fool outta yourself once in a while. and most of all...take it easy, relax, take in the moment's ur at the greatest multiversity on earth man, take it all in.
peace</p>
<p>It can be tough. You don't need to feel ashamed or anything. I would follow what slicmlic2001. Friends of friends are great- many may very well become your friend. Meet lots of people and try to hang out with those with whom you mesh. </p>
<p>ShiboingBoing provides a few wise things in his post (intermixed with some demonization, bitterness, and hyperbole- too bad he has trouble posting without these old friends). He's right, it is tough to develop a good relationship with someone you see infrequently. Good relaitonships are not easy to form, but they do develop over time- do stuff with people! As to common interests, you must find people with such first, so get on with meeting people. Berkeley is pretty big (as are many other schools), and people have all sorts of crazy schedules (like at many other schools . . . ). However, you can find people with similar interests available when you are. Study groups are also good (if you like studying in groups- give it a shot if you aren't sure). From what I've seen, clubs for people in your major can be a good way to meet people in your major, and depending on the club, meeting professors and getting to know your department.</p>
<p>
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Clubs meet once a month
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</p>
<p>What? It really depends on the club.</p>
<p>
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The key is to find people with time and similar interests and church groups are usually the best bet for that.
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</p>
<p>If you're Christian, yes. Otherwise, not so much. Perhaps you mean that this is true of religious groups in general? Perhaps that's true. As before, it's good if it is actually your religion or interest, otherwise it probably is not so good.</p>
<p>Experiment- try different things and see what you enjoy. Try this for some clubbage.</p>
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Berkeley is so big and people schedules so diverse that its very unlikely that you'll meet anyone that will have the same schedule as you as well.
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</p>
<p>Hmm...sounds like work life to me. Sad how much the real world sucks. And I don't mean this sarcastically.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I think the best way to develop deep friendships might be through christian fellowships since you will see each other weekly at church and christians tend to be nicer than the rest of the campus (despite what a lot of the people on the board might say).</p>
<p>The key is to find people with time and similar interests and church groups are usually the best bet for that.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>This leaves out a significant portion of the population who are neither Christian nor inclined to spend time at Christian events. While I don't doubt that the events are full of charity and good will, some have no desire to spend time discussing issues of Christian theology. </p>
<p>However, if you are Jewish, there are groups like Hillel, if you are Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu, etc., support groups exist.</p>
<p>I think Shiboing Boing was on the right path, but he forgot about a third of the Berkeley population.</p>
<p>It's sad how to get close bonds people basically have to end up joining and participating in ethnic clubs. That's where people turn first, too; when they come to the University they feel alone and go first to people of the same ethnicity and then kinda seem to get stuck in there.</p>
<p>Berkeley is definetly very racially-conscious.</p>
<p>Yesturday, I happened to overhear a conversation between a grad student (Hispanic female) and an education professor (white male.) He basically said he and many other education professors devote almost all of their time to recommending ways in which Berkeley can "legally limit" proposition 209. He praised the decrease in white admits last year, saying it was "long overdue." He also claimed that California is facing a doomsday scenario ("time is running out") and that the best way to improve the chance of survival is to increase URM enrollment.</p>
<p>I'm a first year CAL Band member. I'm really glad i joined the cal band because(as corny as it sounds) it is like making 200+ new friends instantly. I live in a suite in Clark Kerr...which is very ANTI-social, so having this outlet has really helped me with meeting new people.</p>
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He basically said he and many other education professors devote almost all of their time to recommending ways in which Berkeley can "legally limit" proposition 209.
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</p>
<p>Great priorities, education profs. They could devote themselves to developing better pedagogy techniques, but that's not really what it seems many education departments are about. Many are about race.</p>
<p>
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He praised the decrease in white admits last year, saying it was "long overdue."
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</p>
<p>There are definitely WAY too many white people. Esepcially the ones who are also Jews, or of Jewish descent, about 20% of the "whites."</p>
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He also claimed that California is facing a doomsday scenario ("time is running out") and that the best way to improve the chance of survival is to increase URM enrollment.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>For sure. If more non-"whites" don't get into Berkeley, CA is going to face the end of the world. It's not like improving high schools with lots of minorities would do much more or anything. Or helping young the black and latino boys. Don't count on many programs for just men anytime.</p>
<p>:rollseyes:</p>
<p>cal is dying to use affirmative action...dying.</p>
<p>I'm sorry that you're feeling lonely. I can promise you you're not the only one. People don't want to say admit it when everyone around them is going, "OMGGG college is the best thing everrrr!" but I think more people feel a little socially lost in their first year than they say. I went through the same thing last year, and I was surprised by how many others felt the same way when I talked to them this year. </p>
<p>I don't think Berkeley makes it easy to find friends; the dorm system doesn't work as well as it does at some other schools, in my opinion. Last year, I did everything I was supposed to: I was in a number of clubs (from large high profile ones, to smaller ones), I made nice with my floormates and went out to dinner with them, I was friendly, etc. etc., but that didn't change the fact that I didn't feel like I was really close to anyone, not genuinely, anyway. </p>
<p>This year, though, things are so much better socially. The number of friends I have isn't enormous (well, unless you count Facebook friends, and then I'm rediculously popular, heh), but they are all really, really good people whom I click with and whom I trust. I think the best thing is to find a few people you enjoy hanging out with a lot, and meet other people through them because they will tend to be similar in terms of personality/interests. That's how I've met a lot of my friends. </p>
<p>You'll be okay. Just give it time. It's really all right that you haven't made a bunch of best-friends-forevers in the span of 15 weeks. And remember, the genuine friendships that you will end up developing will be well worth the wait.</p>
<p>The things is I finally accept that I am a shy guy, so I know what's stopping other people from getting to know me better. Honestly, I wish I could do something about the shyness, but it's so difficult.</p>
<p>I think an important factor that gets overlooked is homesickness coupled with immaturity. You're all still young, fresh out of the henhouse, and still developing yourselves as adults. Don't worry too much. Once you get the kinks worked out, you'll all do fine.</p>
<p>i feel the same way at berkeley too, i thought i was the only one until i see this thread. Unfortunatey as a transfer student commuting from Fremont, its even harder to find good friends here. Besides some acquaintances from classes, i dont really know ppl here. Part of it is probably due to my shy personality as well. What are good ways to overcome this situation?</p>
<p>I would say start with those aquaintances you've met in class, call them out and have lunch. It doesn't seem much, but it's a start. If you wait for the other person to call you up, it might not happen because they might be waiting for you to make the move first.</p>
<p>The best thing you can do is move closer to campus, that way, you can join campus organizations.</p>
<p>Update: I think I'm feeling more and more miserable as each day passes. It is really that hard for me to just find a niche? Acquaintances-I have met plenty, but as far as close friends I don't think I can name one. Maybe I'm trying too hard or expecting too much for a person like me...</p>
<p>Aww this thread is so depressing ; (. The best way to get to know ppl on a more personal basis is going to parties. Ask what your acquaintances are doing over the weekend and if any of them are partying just ask to join them. I'm sure a good beer and a more relaxed, fun environment will make friends easy to make : )</p>