<p>after a heart attack caused by the sight of</p>
<p>the bloody murder of all his cow friends. he cried for a while but then realized...</p>
<p>he is too arrogant to be crying, and they are just cows, they were gonna get eaten eventually, so he decided...</p>
<p>to apply to Princeton because he had aspirations of...</p>
<p>becoming an arrogant snob and be entitled to the nobility of Snobbery for the rest of ...</p>
<p>his entire life. and then his kids could get into P'ton because of legacy. but as it turned out he didnt have any kids because...</p>
<p>he was a cow and an apparition-cow at that. So he went back to Cornell to graze some more. Meanwhile, the plane that the president and the arrogant inquisitive guy were on landed unexpectedly because...</p>
<p>they ran out of gas. apparently, there was no gas left because...</p>
<p>the very large cow, even as an apparition, weighed the plane down so much. They cursed the cow for appearing to them, and then they realized they had landed at Brown. But what they saw next scared them...</p>
<p>because they had never actually seen kids who</p>
<p>ran around with their thumbs up their arses. After expressing dismay at the sight, the group decided to...</p>
<p>get out of brown as fast as possible. but they got actually got lost inside their tiny campus and saw some more horrifying sights, including a student</p>
<p>dressed as alexander hamilton.. alive and frolicking.. come to bestow upon them a "davinci code-esque" quest to find the treasure of the freemasons (totally not like "national treasure", i swear).</p>
<p>first stop.. they had to figure out the clue:</p>
<p>black and blue in the middle of the Ocean of Fire
seek me on Two and Twenty</p>
<p>"wtf..." said the arrogant guy. "AHHA!" monica lewinsky exclaimed. "i know just where to go!"</p>
<p>But it turns out she was fibbing. So they left her at Brown with Alexander Hamilton and his treasure hunt, and continued on thier way. They had a job to do, after all, and time was running out...</p>
<p>so they went to new york, New York, big city of dreams, which they easily admitted was by far the best place in the country...</p>
<p>as they wandered around the best city in the world...telling themselves over and over again what a great place they were in...</p>
<p>and as they passed by Columbia, they thought about all the applicants who would receive thier decisions tomorow, and they wished them well. But, now was no time to dawdle...</p>
<p>because they were hungry. They knew that new york had the best philly cheesesteaks, so...</p>
<p>they bought a bunch of them and skedaddled over to Philadelphia to show the local restauranteurs how it should be done. Then they decided to stop by the admissions office at JewPenn..errr... the University of Pennsylvania... so they could...</p>
<p>take someone hostage and use that as a bargaining tool to get all ED cc'ers into penn. HOWEVER disaster struck when</p>