I am 23 years old and my parents are beyond strict. Yes, I appreciate that they take care of me and they have always been loving and generous however I can not take their strictness anymore! Today I went out for my friends birthday - got home at 10 pm and my dad blew up on me saying that I’m never home and I am not allowed to go out on weekdays. Unbelievable right? I didn’t move out of my house for college because my school is only 25 minutes away but even that causes a strain on my education. I stayed at home for my parents and I’m just now realizing that they are taking advantage of that and becoming more controlling. I am a good kid - i have never gotten myself into bad situations and I feel they should trust me. Then my dad goes to my sister and asks if the reason I’m staying out because I’m dating someone (yes I’m not allowed to date). My sister who is also strict for NO reason tells me I need to figure “things” out. Like are you serious? I’ve dealt with situations like this plenty of times, however today was the final straw. I decided that for grad school I am going to move out, even though at the time I will feel bad and reconsider it but I want to write this post so i REMEMBER this incident. I know I am complaining a lot but I’ve been dealing with this my whole life and I feel its held me back from so many opportunities. Of course family is my top priority and I love them more than anything but I feel there should be a balance between a parent and their child. As of right now my parents aren’t giving me that and I don’t feel that changing anytime soon unless I get married. So once again, GRAD school but this time I am MOVING OUT so this way I can live my life and love and appreciate my parents even more. I don’t want to live at home knowing its putting a strain between my parents and I.
You’re too old for your parents to have that amount of control over your life. You have to weigh your relationships with the burden you have to take to maintain them - and in my opinion, your burden outweighs the relationship. I would seriously have a talk with them after you move out (so as to not stir up an argument that could have an immediate negative effect on your life while you’re still living with them) about it if they keep their hand in your life like that. You don’t have to cut them out of your life, but you have to be the one to push them to give you more independence. Be calm, be understanding, be patient, but put your own life above what they want if you continue having this sort of conflict.
Their house, their rules. Get a job and move out. Seriously, I understand you love and want to respect your parents, so either abide by their rules or move out.
@GA2012MOM - I can often agree with the point that it’s their house and their rules. However…not being allowed to date? That is a completely unreasonable amount of control for a parent to have over a 23 year old. If they don’t want to allow boyfriends/girlfriends at their house, and if they want to set a curfew, then that is entirely up to them. But to say that OP is not even allowed to date? No. That’s not okay.
Every parent-child relationship needs to transition at some point from being parent and child to being two adults. It sounds like you want to make this transition, but your parents are resisting. Something that’s part of this transition is moving out and becoming financially independent, and doing this may be helpful in initiating this transition (or at least, helpful for your sanity). It’s time to start making steps in this direction. Becoming financially independent will give you a lot more freedom to live your life how you want to live it. Your parents may be mad or upset, but it’s normal to move out and it’s normal to begin to support yourself independently.