<p>I'm going to be a senior in the upcoming school year and I'm starting to freak out about college. Aside from the college searching and essays and scholarships, I'm really worried about my parents not letting me attend college away from home. I live in Chicago and yes, I know there are some pretty good schools here, but I really want to go away for a real college experience, to be more independent and to escape my parents' restrictions. I go to a competitive high school and I take school seriously. I work my butt off all year in honors and ap classes and my parents know that. I follow their rules. They don't want me to date until after college. I don't have a boyfriend. My mom forbids me to take public transportation because she thinks it's dangerous to do that on my own and that I might get lost. However, I've taken the bus/train plenty of times and I always have a route map and cell phone with me when I do. I had to beg and cry for them to let me sleep over at my best friend (of 8 years)'s house. It was the only sleepover i've ever been to. Whenever I mention a school that i am considering to attend, as soon as my mom finds out that it isn't in the city she immediately tells me that I'm not going there. When I ask why she says "because I said so". She hasn't mentioned anything about it being too expensive or anything, only the "because I said so" response. Also, both of my parents are recently unemployed so I know that most of my college expenses will have to be handled with scholarships, financial aid, and loans. </p>
<p>Additional info:
-weighted gpa is 4.63
-act score is 28 (i'm planning on re-taking it)
-not much leadership experience that a lot of colleges and scholarships want to see
-some community service
-my school doesn't have class ranks because it is very selective</p>
<p>Can someone give me advice about how to get them to trust me enough to let me go away?</p>
<p>Have your parents said whether you’re allowed to live in the dorms if you go to school in the city? If you’re living on campus at U Chicago or somewhere like that, your experience will be very much like that of a kid from California who’s thousands of miles from home.</p>
<p>“both of my parents are recently unemployed”</p>
<p>^^I think that explains why they do not want you to go far from home. Travel to and from college can be very expensive, and with so much competition for scholarships your chances of getting anything close to a full ride are very slim. Unless you have a great “hook”, your stats do not make you a hugely attractive applicant to colleges that guarantee full rides to people in your financial situation. You parents are wise and do not want you to get into huge debt just to have a “college experience”.</p>
<p>If you can secure a slot at a school that can be willing to pay for your education, you can talk $$ and numbers with your parents, “Look, mom and dad, college X will be cheaper than our state school”.</p>
<p>I’m just guessing here - but are your parents immigrants? If so, that may explain some of their possessiveness - sleepovers and going away to school aren’t necessarily the norm everywhere. </p>
<p>The fact that they’re unemployed may have SOMETHING to do with being so firmly against you going away to school, but it seems more related to their overall protectiveness. </p>
<p>If all this is new to them, I’d be gentle but persistent. Do your homework, read up about schools and FA. With your GPA it’s not unreasonable to think you could get a near-full ride somewhere. Talk to them about it. Can you visit some schools, just to give them an idea of what living in a dorm would be like? Can you have them talk to your school counselor? Bring home some school brochures, show them some websites: the more they learn about college life as an important American middle-class experience, the more they may thaw. Especially if you show them, in a polite and gentle way, just how important it is to you.</p>
<p>and yes I know that being unemployed is definitely a really huge determining factor, but last year I talked about how great I thought Notre Dame was, which is only about a 2-3 hour drive away, and she gave me a flat out no. I know that it probably wouldn’t be wise to get into huge debt for the whole “college experience” thing, but after having a restricted childhood and being slightly depressed in high school, it seems like college would be my last chance to have fun before I have to go work for the rest of my life. I feel like staying home would be like high school all over again, which is not something i’d be happy to repeat.</p>
<p>Also, katliamom, yes my parents are immigrants. Mom’s from the philippines, dad’s from poland.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t be able to go to school in Chicago AND live in a dorm or apartment because that would cost even more than dorming at U of I. Lastly, tuition for staying home and going to DePaul would cost around the same as tuition for going away to study at U of I.</p>
<p>It sounds like you will need to go to a local school. Between your parents’ restrictive nature and financial issues it is unlikely you will have many other options. Of course, you can talk with them to find out what leeway there might be… a frank talk on what their ability and willingness to even pay for <em>local</em> school is important, too. It might be the case that they may not be able to afford even paying for whatever good school is local.</p>
<p>You face a situation that I see happening a lot with kids your age - they feel that since they worked so hard through highschool that now they are “owed” a certain type of college experience and paired with that a type of financial independence (that the parents must/should pay for) upon graduation from high school. But this is a clash of expectations between child and parent and there simply is no “right way” nor obligation on the part of your parents to give you any of it.</p>
<p>Work with your parents to figure out what they <em>are</em> willing to support. And if it isn’t what you want, then start working on plan B.</p>
<p>Plan B may include military, moving out and working a few years, a transfer situation after 2 years, etc. But what I believe you absolutely should be doing is crafting the best possible “Plan A” based on realistic information about your parents… and if that looks horrible instead of trying to convince yourself you are “owed” anything different, create that Plan B that you like better. </p>
<p>You will probably find that Plan A (the realistic one you craft WITH your parents) is still much better than Plan B. And by the way, the Plan C that you want instead (somehow that your parents will change their minds, suddenly have more money, or a huge scholarship falls into your lap) really does sound like the third on your list (unlikely to occur, though you can aim for it) and you should get very comfortable with your Plan A and B since those are 99% likely your only two choices.</p>
<p>Other things may happen in the meantime, I wish for great gifts and good surprises from your universe for you… but the biggest thing you can do to prepare for a meaningful college experience is to live within your (and your parents’) means and ways and take the blessings and opportunities that you do have to heart. </p>
<p>Assuming you will be at least 18 when you finish high school…</p>
<p>I think you should do some careful research looking for schools that might give you close to a full-ride. That may mean studying hard this summer for the ACT re-take and knocking it out of the park… but it would be well worth the effort.</p>
<p>Then look for a few schools you’d like (a good distance from home) where your stats would put you in the top 10% of students, and that have good merit aid. You may have a problem with need-based aid if your parents won’t cooperate in filling out the financial aid forms for you. Some merit-based aid also requires the FAFSA, but much of it does not.</p>
<p>If you need to take out a small amount in loans to fill the gap in an otherwise outstanding financial aid offer, it would be well worth it.</p>
<p>I am a parent, but I totally understand the importance of getting out from under your parents. It will cause a big rift with them, but honestly, that is something to try to work out later after you have your independence. It doesn’t sound like something they’re going to give you, so you just have to take it yourself.</p>
<p>Otherwise, you can arrange to go to a local school, have them help you with the initial financial aid applications, work this summer, save money, start school in the fall, and then if you can swing it, just move out – share an apartment, work part-time, work your way through school the best you can.</p>
<p>I totally disagree that living with your parents should be something you resolve yourself to doing. I think the situation sounds very unhealthy and one way or another, sooner or later, you’re going to have to break away.</p>
<p>Would you qualify for some good money at other Illinois schools like ISU or NIU? While your stats aren’t anything special at UIUC, they might be for these other campuses that are close to Chicago–and you might be able to get a package that could let you stay on campus. It might be to your benefit to try to raise your ACT that last little bit or to take the SAT just in case you do better on it. Also start now to try and find some supplementary scholarships that could help you do things your way.</p>
<p>Take a long look at things from your parent’s perspective. The unemployment situation is mostly out of their control, and they may be caught in the investment or real estate downturn as well, which really makes people feel helpless. You, however, are still within their control, and you have shown a willingness to be controlled up to this point. This has been your relationship for a long time, and it’s a sad shock to parents when it changes. And this change is difficult for everyone - the limits haven’t been established. You, as a fledgling adult, are the key to that process of change. Push the boundaries.</p>
<p>Your parents are not open-minded about colleges, and so you will have to be the captain of your search. You are right in that some private schools may give you more in aid than your state school; when you are looking for big bucks you have to cast a wide net. It sounds like you go to a good high school. Make an appointment with the college counselor ASAP, and bring your parents when you go. You may be able to get in before school starts in fall. Concentrate on schools within 200 miles to lessen your parents’ anxiety. There are excellent schools near Chicago for a student with your numbers - look at Beloit, Illinois Wesleyan, Knox, Wheaton, etc. These would give you a full college experience (well, maybe not Wheaton…) and possibly give you full aid. BTW, they are in much safer places than the city of Chicago. Explain that to your parents as nicely as possible, and use the recommendations of your counselor to back you up. Do your part by staying on top of all deadlines and putting as little stress on your parents as possible. </p>
<p>It’s easy to look at other students and realize that they won’t have to struggle the way you will, but you will learn a great deal from the process. Keep your eyes on the prize.</p>
<p>Let me ask you this…
There are many great schools out there in every state. Are you asking your parents if you could go to a school just to test them and get a reaction? Let me suggest something if I may…
Go to this website, [CollegeView</a> — College Finder & Recruiting Service](<a href=“http://www.collegeview.com%5DCollegeView”>http://www.collegeview.com), do a little research on the schools you think you are interested in. Check out schools within and out of your state and pick your top 4. Make a list of pros and cons with each school and take it to your parents. Have them sit down with you and talk about what is important to you and what is important to them. Show them how you have researched these schools and how they are what you would like to visit. Who knows…maybe they will be open, maybe they won’t, but it is worth a shot for your sake if you are set on going out of state.</p>
<p>A few of the responses are discouraging but do not give up hope. Try retaking the ACT to improve your score. First try to figure out where you really want to go and what’s their admissions criteria. Take a look at the cost and their endowment. Sometimes parents overlook more expensive and bigger schools because of the cost, but the truth is they tend to have money to give in forms of grants. For example one might completely overlook Princeton because its Ivy and costs alot. But they have the best financial aid package. Students with income less than $60,00 can graduate debt free from Princeton. I Am not saying everyone can get into Pronceton, just used an example. In the meantime keep working hard and shoot for the moon if you can’t hold on to it maybe you will grab a star. Goodluck and aim high!</p>