<p>Why? Because the OP made these statements:
[quote]
Friends at my job said that based on our income we will not qualify for any aid, but I assume we can get loans. We are just a middle class family. I can't imagine how we could afford to pay even a state school tuition.
[/quote]
Since the OP lives in NY, we know that "state school tuition" = ~$4500 annually. We know that the OP is worried about paying for that, and that her husband doesn't want to contribute at all -- so he certainly is not likely to be receptive to paying <em>more</em> for a "weaker college". </p>
<p>Anything less than a full tuition scholarship at a private college is probably going to be more expensive than the in-state college, given the availability of merit aid at the SUNY's, and factoring in travel costs to out-of-state colleges where "geographical diversity" helps win a scholarship. An out-of-state public would have to include some sort of waiver of out-of-state tuition. So it really is potentially misleading to use a generic reference to "merit aid" without specifying how far it goes to wipe out the cost of tuition. </p>
<p>If you know your budget is X, then to "try to identify schools where your kid might be eligible for some money" is not good enough - you have to target schools where the kid might be eligible for ENOUGH money. Otherwise, it's just setting the kid up for disappointment -- there is no point in applying to a school that you know you can't afford even if admitted.</p>