<p>So, after lurking for a long while, I have decided to ask my question. I hesitate because so many of you seem to have academic stars for kids, and my question concerns struggling academically.</p>
<p>So here goes: have any of you had kids fail a course at boarding school? Or even a term? What happens if that occurs? I guess it might depend on the school, but in general would a kid be asked to leave a school because one course was failed? I am jumping the gun a bit about this, but my kid is struggling mightily in one subject. I don't know how to help as my input is resisted (by the kid) and the school seems to be doing things to address it, including keeping me in the loop.</p>
<p>Were any of you successful in getting your kid to understand how much more effort is required in these good schools and that they need to "step things up" in order to succeed? For the record, everything else is super.... great friends, well liked by teachers and staff, varsity sport teams, etc. I admit I am panicking a little (even though this is not my fight) because I know my kid loves that school. </p>
<p>Am open to advice, but please be gentle! I am already worried. :)</p>
<p>You say that it seems that the school is doing things to address it, and keeps you in the loop. That is the best thing going for you and your kid right now. I would definitely try to have a meeting (by phone if not possible in person, just dont do it by email. Ask for a phone appointment) with the advisor or the dean. Address your question to them. A school does not want your kid to fail. Ask them for proactive solutions to the issue, and keep at them to correct the problem – keep out of the loop with your kid, lurk behind the scenes with the school. </p>
<p>Totally agree with mhmm. As to your other question, I don’t think any school would kick a kid out for failing a course-- but they might well put them on academic probation for the next term, try to give them lots of support, and may limit their extra-curricular activities (sometimes including their sport). If they don’t improve, THEN they might be asked to leave. But I’ve never heard of any school not giving a kid like this a chance-- as well as some help.</p>
<p>Thank you! I have done some of what you suggest already. I have also stressed to my kid that a decision needs to be made here: do what the school requires for success or consider the fact that this school might not be in future plans… extreme, I know but I tend to deal in worst case scenarios… can’t help myself!</p>
<p>I am also unsure how much help we can request without running the risk of being labeled helicopter parents…which we are not. That balance of how much to get involved seems harder to find when you are so far away.</p>
<p>My son mentioned that many kids at his school have tutors. Maybe that would be helpful? Apparently it is not uncommon and there doesn’t seem to be any stigma in it.</p>
<p>parenthelp, you’re getting good advice here. A tutor might help a lot, and is very common. I find high school students often can hear from a tutor what they need to do in a way that they can’t hear it from a parent. In terms of the school’s response, I agree that even at the very academically competitive schools, a struggle in one class is not going to be terminal. There is a chance your kid might need to make up the credit if s/he fails the course (summer school or repeating it). But it shouldn’t jeopardize his/her place at school at this stage in the game. And assuming your kid is relatively early in HS, it’s not a college disaster, as the upward trend throughout high school is key for those who struggle with the transition.</p>
<p>In terms of helicoptering, as an adult in a boarding school, it’s not so much the hovering that makes schools crazy – it’s the parents who refuse to accept alternative perspectives on their kids (i.e. teacher says, “parent, your kid needs more sleep. she’s nodding off in my class.” parent: “that’s impossible. she goes to bed at 10:15 every night after calling us at 10.” Um…no. You’re not in her dorm, so you can’t tell me you know that for sure, because your kid is plenty clever enough to call you, say goodnight, and then go hang with her friends. Also, teachers know what sleeping looks like). It doesn’t sound like you’re doing that, however, so I think it’s ok to express your concerns, and offer ways to support your kid – such as paying for tutoring.</p>
<p>Finally, if it actually <em>is</em> a matter of not putting in the work rather than it being a matter of the kid having encountered an area of academic challenge, I, for one, think you’re totally within your rights to tell the kid that s/he steps it up or parents stop paying for this experience. I may be in the minority on that, but no teenager has a right to a $50k/yr education, and I think parents can and should set limits on what they’ll do if the kid isn’t working up to his or her potential. However, before playing that card, be sure that the kid isn’t doing everything s/he can. Sometimes it’s just that they’re swimming in a whole new pool and for the first time, an area of weakness is discovered.</p>
<p>Thanks…all good advice here! I am waiting on a few more details as to the plan, but I do know the school offers peer tutoring and it is something my kid mentioned to me. This particular course has quite a few kids underperforming…I heard they might be starting a group study thing for them. I hope so. This is a language course, so it is tough once you get behind as current learning is predicated on your having learned what came before…</p>
<p>@stillinschool: good point about being sure whether the issue is that it is an area of weakness vs. not working hard enough. I will bear that in mind. I do think the general study skills might not be up to scratch – something a teacher once told me happens with bright kids. They get through grade school quite easily and therefore don’t always gain the disciplined skills necessary for success at higher levels. </p>
<p>At any rate, I am feeling a bit better about all of this. I know I have to consider let my kid hit “rock bottom” in order for this to be a meaningful learning experience, but it sure is hard to watch! Thank you all!</p>
<p>Sometimes with language classes, too, kids are placed in classes that are too advanced and need to go back and redo. My kid, for example, had Latin going in but was placed in the easiest class the school offered–something for which he was thankful halfway through. It’s harder, second term to take a step back, but maybe not impossible,. </p>
<p>It depends on the kid, but it’s not always a lack of effort. Sometimes classes are just really, really hard and that’s where the extra help–or dropping back a level–can help. Happens often at Exeter in the first term or two, and beyond.</p>
<p>Perhaps a call to the advisor would be reassuring, if you have not already spoken to them. If the academic concerns grow beyond a single class, usually the academic dean will contact the parents, and a required study period and tutoring are instituted. Organizational coaching may also be offered. The boarding schools are especially good at enveloping a kid who needs more help into an embrace of many interlinked arms offering help. But even that level of support sometimes does not do the trick, and evaluation for learning differences or depression may be suggested, probation may be instituted, and kids do leave due to academic difficulties. </p>
<p>Parenthelp, I would not leap to assume your child would be asked to leave the school for one bad grade. First, it’s a language class. Some people find it very difficult to learn languages. It’s not necessarily a question of work ethic, especially if the grading emphasizes speaking in class. </p>
<p>If your child can hold it together this year, I suggest considering something like the Middlebury summer language school. Middlebury is known for excellence in languages. The camps are an immersion environment. (My children have not attended, but the camps seem to enjoy an excellent reputation.)</p>
<p>During this vacation, your child could watch movies or internet broadcasts in the language in question. The idea is not to force him to translate everything, rather to get his ear accustomed to the language’s sounds. The internet and iTunes makes this very easy. He could download a podcast in the language, and listen to it while tidying his room. (allow a flight of fantax</p>
<p>Your child’s previous school may not have prepared him/her well for rigorous language study. “Cultural” approaches to language study seem to be “in” right now in middle schools (i.e., preparing dishes from the national cuisine, arranging fashion shows, etc.) If his/her earlier schools did not teach grammar, languages at boarding school can be a shock to the system. </p>
<p>I agree a call and/or email to the advisor would be appropriate. I agree as well that adjustment to prep schools includes learning how to study. Another part of adjusting to prep schools includes accepting that your child will not be at the top of the class in <em>everything</em>. (Ok, a couple might be, but in general many new boarding school students encounter grades other than A for the first time freshman year.) I’m not certain how low “bad” might be for your family–don’t specify! But for some students, “struggling” means Ds. For others, it means a B minus. </p>
<p>@parenthelp, my kid is a freshman and started a new language (Latin) at BS. She started off strong, but floundered midway thru the first term. She had wanted to continue with the language she had taken for 3 years in middle school, and I’d pushed her to try something new at BS. I began to panic and thought I’d made a huge mistake, should have let her make her own choice, etc. And I am not a helicopter parent (really!), but I was concerned about her falling behind and being unable to catch up, so I emailed the teacher with my concerns. She replied with a lengthy, reassuring email and listed the many benefits of my kid being in this class… one of which was, she was learning how she best learns. ( I didn’t get that at first, but now I do.) The teacher was confident that she would navigate the choppy waters and improve (basically, she told me to just calm down!). Asking for help is not something my kid likes to do – but she ended up approaching a group of older kids who were in an advanced language class and asked them for advice on how to study for this subject. They invited her to join their study group, spent the next Sunday afternoon in the library coaching her, and she got an A on the next test. She was very proud of her improvement and most of all, is more confident now in asking her peers for help, which was the biggest benefit to come from the experience. The school wants to see the kids succeed, so they will do whatever they can to offer support. Good luck! </p>
<p>Wow! thank you, everyone. I appreciate all the advice and reassurance more than you know. </p>
<p>The school has acted some - the dorm has taken the computer away at study hall so as to minimize distraction (read: temptation!) and since a few others are struggling, they have arranged for a couple of older students to come 2 times a week to run a study/help session. They were optional, but have made them mandatory for my kid (with my enthusiastic approval). I heard the last quiz went well so I asked what the difference was. The reply was that this particular quiz got “crammed for”. Haha. I actually think this is the root of the problem. Languages require memorization and rote learning. As we all know, that is boring. Hence the bad grade. Ugh. I hope things turn around soon - was actually hoping being around kids who think it is great to be smart would be motivating. In the end, it just may be a maturity issue. Fingers crossed that kicks in soon.</p>