Hi everyone, I’m a freshman in college. I hope you all can help me figure out the problems that I’m facing. I’m not really enjoying college. I haven’t really made any friends yet and I feel like I have no motivation. I’ve been looking at the clubs they offer and literally nothing interests me and for some reason I can’t motivate myself to even try one club. I guess I’m just really stressed at the moment because I am currently undecided for my major and I haven’t found a major that really interests me. I feel like I’m wasting my time (and my parents money) because I’m not enjoying myself here. In high school I did have a lot of friends, but unfortunately a lot of them have lost contact with me which has made me realize that I’m going to need to make new friends in college. I wouldn’t say I’m socially awkward but I sometimes struggle in conversations with people I’ve never met. A lot of people in my classes and at my college in general already know each other. I haven’t told anyone in my family about this so I’ve been holding it in. They do have counselors on campus, but I want to get some of your advice. So basically I’ve been in college for 5 months now and haven’t made a new friend, joined any clubs, and lacking motivation. It hasn’t been an ideal experience so far, but I hope someone on this forum will give me some advice. I know I probably shouldn’t do this but if you reply to my post I’ll give you my phone number and maybe we can text too. I just want someone to help me out.
I know how you feel, and there’s nothing wrong with what you’re currently going through. Everyone has their struggles during their college careers. Now, it’s slightly concerning due to your lack of motivation, but my former roommate last semester was just like you. He never went out, just stayed in his room, and did his own thing.
The main problems are: Confidence and a lack of motivation
Confidence plays a crucial role with meeting new people. Motivation can be the difference between something big or nothing at all.
Honestly, I could tell you just to do it, but understanding that this is a struggle for you, I’d start off with some small steps:
Slowly start to talk to the people on your floor, if there's a lounge, then go there to chill out and study. This will make your presence clear to everyone: the more you show up, then someone might start talking to you because you're always in there. You could also try to start a convo with someone while you're in there.
Whenever you sit next to someone in class or if there's an icebreaker/group project, then try starting a convo with them. I've actually made some friends by being partners with some of the people in my classes.
2 can be applied at the dining hall as well. You can try sitting at one of the long tables if you have any at your dining hall. Then, the convos will be easier for you to start. But, if you feel more confident, then you can try sitting at a random table by asking them if there's an empty seat and if you can sit there. Now, this only applies if it's crowded at the dining hall, in which there's no open seats available for you.
Relook at all of the club options at your school. You could also join a fraternity down the road if you're into that. Now, contrary to popular belief, not every frat is crazy about partying. Some are and some aren't.
Once you get a convo going with someone, then ask for their number and social media so you can stay in touch with them. This means that you just made a new friend. And don't get discouraged if they don't stay friends with you after a while, some people stay and some move on. It's just a sucky part of life, but, the ones who stay are your true friends.
Getting a part time job while at college wouldn't be a bad idea for you. A possible friendship could start between you and your co-workers.
If you follow these steps, then I bet that you’ll feel much better about yourself by the end of the semester. But, don’t forget to keep your academics and socialization balanced.
On an extra note, these steps are all based on my personal experience. I’m currently a sophomore and I’ve learned a lot in my 2 years at college.
Thank you so much for this. It’s just that most of the people at my college already know each other so I feel I won’t fit in with their groups. Like in the dining hall there’s nobody that sits alone and I feel like a complete loner sitting there by myself. At freshman convocation (the week before classes started last semester) my roommate said I could go with him and sit with his friends. It was really nice of him but it felt awkward because they all knew each other and were talking about things they did and I had nothing to relate with them.
I think my main problem is that I’m afraid. I’m scared that people won’t like me but I’ll never know unless I talk to them. Everything is going by so fast and don’t even know what I’m doing. I still haven’t picked a major and my adviser said I need to decide by the end of this semester which is only 3 months away and I literally have no idea. Clubs are starting new week so I hope to meet people there.
Don’t try to fix everything all at once. Be friendly, smile, pick your food and go up to a small group, “do you mind if I join you?” If they say yes, listen, reflect, smile, be interested. If they say no, be respectful, try another individual or small group. Same with clubs, try one, even if only marginally interesting. Just keep on trying, stay as positive as you can. And stay on top of your academics. At the end of the day and four years, leaving with a degree is what you are there for.