You don’t need to be buddy buddy in different surroundings to enjoy and appreciate other people. Also, some people are comfortable doing things alone and seek quiet and alone time. What I am saying is maybe you should do more networking or activity focused stuff and let friendships come, if they do.
Also, try to view people with more open mind. Most students are adjusting to new environments and trying to find comforts with their like kinds. Some are clingy, some are don’t give a care, some are smiley and some are serious looking. It’s a good place to ask some questions if you are curious and see what that leads to.
There’s a difference between being lonely and alone. Lonely is often painful. Alone can be, but it can also be freeing, peaceful, joyful and any other emotion you can think of.
@Lordvoldosnort “This is what I hate about my generation, as their public image is what defines them and what they live by”- you are SO wise. What you are seeing is not real friendships. It’s people who latched onto other people because they need that to feel good about themselves. It’s not a bad thing necessarily, it’s just how some people operate. But, since school has just started, these groups will evolve and people will fall apart and form new groups. It sounds like you are pretty true to yourself and confident in yourself. My daughter has been told by people that they think she is arrogant, and that bothers her because she isn’t, she is just more reserved and knows what she likes/doesn’t like. It took her a while to settle into a great group of friends, but she found a group of really nice girls. Though she doesn’t always agree with everything they say/do/act, she knows that they are nice people and appreciates their friendships- and they appreciate her
@Lordvoldosnort - The title of your post caught my eye… I had a conversation with my student this very afternoon about this. My student sounds a lot like you. It’s that old conundrum of feeling like somehow you are missing out by not having that “squad” but when you are in it, it is often confining, defining, and sometimes oppressive and maybe they all want to hang all the time but you want your alone time sometimes. You want to fit in, but you don’t want to have to fake it, be something you are not, have meaningless conversations with people you don’t really like…etc… Is that it?
First, you are way ahead of the game maturity wise to know that you will be fine by yourself, that you can have a good time by yourself, and that you don’t have to be surrounded by people to feel secure. Some people spend their entire lives clinging to others in order to feel important or not alone. Or, they do foolish things like feel pressured to be a part of the group and do things that aren’t very smart…
The caveat here, though, is that we all need people and we all need a network to turn to sometimes - even if that network is of people that are not our best friends. It’s good to know your neighbors, to turn to someone for a cough drop or an a working printer the night before an assignment is due…This isn’t to suggest hanging out with people you don’t like, but being a good neighbor to folks in your dorm and reaching out to people who you have somethings in common with and even those with whom you don’t. It is from those interactions that you will find like minded people and it might take a while before you really consider them friends, but that’s OK. Also, most of those “squads” you see running around right now so early in the year? They are people who just met and probably clinging to one another because, unlike you, they are too afraid to be alone.
So I say: eat alone now and then if you need space. And now and then, sit down and strike up idle conversation with someone who looks interesting. Or, open your door, despite what your roommates do, and invite people in. If a door is open, say “hey, dude, do you have some tape I can borrow?” Then remark on how cool a poster is or the view out their window. The risk if you don’t is that, eventually, those true friendships will form and it may be harder for you to make inroads socially.
