Students going to college far from home

<p>binx, What a nice offer for movinmom! My son has already threatened not to come home until Christmas break because he thinks the drive from VA to here is too long, and here I am studying the calendar and I see that he has a fall break in October and a short one at Thanksgiving!</p>

<p>It appears my daughter will be attending Univ. of Chicago this fall. We visited last week and she fell in love with it. We live in NYC, and were hoping she would attend a college on the East Coast, preferably upper NY State or Philly, but Chicago called to her. It's a great school, but I have to admit I am completely heartbroken and feeling guilty about this at the same time. I know this is a great opportunity for her, but she is the first child to leave home and I can't help wishing she'd stay closer -- and on the ground (I'm not crazy about flying).<br>
Reading all your posts helps. A 2-hour flight, Chicago is actually closer in travelling time than Cornell -- a 7 hour drive each way -- so I'm trying to look at it that way. But someone please tell me how I'm going to get through the next 4 months (and 4 years)!</p>

<p>Here's one way: One of our sons is at Chicago and since they only have Th-Fr off at Thanksgiving, we've spent the last 2 Thanksgivings there -- the first one with all 3 kids, last year without dd (she spent the holiday with her roommate in Oregon). We've gotten to know a little bit of a GREAT city in absolutely FREEZING weather. Congratulations and good luck to your dd!</p>

<p>Check to see if dorms are open year-round so your child can stay on campus for short vacations, such as Thanksgiving, if necessary. Some colleges close their dorms over holidays. Also be sure your child has a grasp on how long ground transportation will take and what s/he will do if airplanes are late or connections missed. This past week, for 2200 miles it took us 14 hours door-to-door going out and 12 hours coming back, including lay-overs, ground transportation, and flight delays.</p>

<p>We haven't tackled the getting-the-stuff-there chore yet. Driving 4400 miles round-trip is out of the question because of our schedule here. How do you all ship the stuff? All together? As needed? Before they arrive so it's waiting? After they arrive? UPS? Something other method?</p>

<p>EllenF, last year our son's school had a date when they would be prepared to accept things shipped to the school for students. I think it was either during or just before orientation. We drove our son, and everything fit in the back of a mid size SUV. If he had flown somewhere, he would have just had a large duffle bag of clothes, a box with books and office supplies, and maybe one other box or suitcase with odds and ends. You can order bedding to be shipped directly to the school. Boys, at least, don't seem to need that much. We had him moved in, unpacked, and bed made in under an hour, but the girls on the hall seemed to take all day. You could probably arrange for a computer or refrigerator through the school.</p>

<p>Finally, his school seems to arrange to put roommates from far away with kids closer to the school. We've had the good fortune to have our son's roommate here for Thanksgiving and the break between winter and spring quarter. I'm sure your child will find someone to take him/her home for a holiday!</p>

<p>Thank you Binx! It is great to hear how everyone else survived. D will as well I am sure. My work is pretty flexible so I envision some meetings in Atlanta! I loved the city and am excited to explore. I have been so focused on the decision I have not given any thought to how to move her in. Hmmmm.....</p>

<p>sjmom - If rumor is correct, you are absolutely right that boys don't need much bedding. One pair of sheets ought to last until Christmas, when they can be brought home and washed. I fear, though, that the airplanes might reject the baggage for containing hazardous waste. </p>

<p>We'll check on pre-shipping his stuff and whether we can have a computer shipped there. Thanks for the info.</p>

<p>


You wanna borrow my daughter, the soon-to-be Barnard girl, for occasional weekend meals? </p>

<p>I'm kind of giving up on seeing much of her at all. Even her brother, who no longer lives at home, called this week saying he wanted me to help arrange time that we could spend together, because he figures once she goes off to college he won't see her for 4 years. (He sounded more wist-ful than me.) And she refuses to allow me to come out with her to help move her in during the fall - she seems to think the whole thing will be less complicated overall without parents added to the mix.</p>

<p>Calcom,
Funny you have a soon-to-be-Barnard. My daughter just returned from a day at Barnard! She's probably not going to attend, but that's partly because we live in New York. (I'm happy to sub-parent for you, if you like... I probably won't be seeing much of my Chicago-bound daughter.)</p>

<p>Well, my daughter turned down Chicago for Barnard -- makes me a happy camper, even though Barnard is technically farther. But my daughter is not one to tolerate the death of fun very easily -- from what I can tell, Barnard campus culture leaves plenty of room for a social life. Funny what a difference geography makes; we messed up by settling in the SF bay area -- both my kids turned down their admission offers from UC Berkeley because it is, of course, too close to home.</p>

<p>My parents put a restriction on my when looking at colleges: "We're not paying for you to fly back and forth across the country for 4 years in addition to tution and everything else so quit looking at schools in California." I'm from NJ so my options were basically limited to where I could drive to in a reasonable time; anything south of South Carolina on the coast was considered as well because I have an uncle in Florida. Personally I had little desire to be out in the midwest for 4 years and it probably would've been "too far" anyway, so I was stuck with picking colleges on the east coast. And because of my major, I had a limited number of schools to choose from, anyway, without additional restrictions. Of all the schools that I looked at, I never found one that I was 100% sure I absolutely wanted to be at, I just found a few that were "ok". A lot of times I wonder if I would have found a school I really loved if I'd been allowed to look a bit farther away. I really don't think it's fair for parents to try to force their kids to go places they might not want to go, just so they can come home a few more times a semester.</p>

<p>Blah, we also put restrictions on S1. We told him that if he wanted to go far from home, he'd better get enough merit aid to make the travel possible. We are basically paying full price now, but he's a two hour drive away. We just couldn't pay full tuition/R & B and pay for travel.</p>

<p>My S is wrestling with this decision right now. Does he pick the school that is 11 hours from home, the one where he seemed to fit right in. The medium sized school with tons of opportunity. Or does he pick the school 2 hours from home, the one which while huge, does seem to offer everything he wants. He's still mulling over the decision. I think that my H is ready to punch the wall!</p>

<p>It's so hard. They are both great schools for my S, he'll fit in where ever he goes. I don't have a perference, but I'll be so happy when he finally makes his decision.</p>

<p>Living in FL during application time, this was easy. S's top choices were in Boston or CA. All I cared about was direct flights and supershuttles. The state U is a 6-hour drive. I knew that after freshman year, he wouldn't be coming home for short breaks. What is helpful is that dorms are open year round, and many students remain during holidays and breaks.</p>

<p>My D flies from FL to Hartford for school. The tickets to fly home for Thanksgiving were a little steep, but worth it to have her home. Christmas wasn't as bad since she could be a little more flexible on what days she flew. I've been up to visit her a few times, probably more than if she were in our state U. Flying up to the Northeast is a vacation. A drive to Gainesville would just be a chore.</p>

<p>Movinmom, I don't know where you live, but in terms of transport, you couldn't pick a better city than Atlanta (if Delta doesn't go belly-up). Even at that, Atlanta will still be a tremendous transportation hub.</p>

<p>No doubt that being far away is more expensive, and causes logistical hassles. It also gives the kid a chance to develop self-confidence and independence. For the right child, being far away can be a very positive experience. I would be more worried about how you feel not being able to be a part of the sports anymore - I know someone going through that now (with a D at Emory, interestingly) - it is worse on the 'rents.</p>

<p>Take a look at Clark Howard's website and radio show - he's a great way to get the lowdown on cheap[ airfares through Atlanta.</p>

<p>Look at some of the old threads about the logistics and stuff moving in - if we can go 1300 miles from one beyond the end of the line small city to another, you can go from anywhere to Atlanta!</p>

<p>movinmom--</p>

<p>Congrats on such good choices for your D! Both kids chose to go 3,000 miles away for school. For S, it wasn't too bad a trip b/c he could go directly to LAX from Logan. For D, this past year has proven to be a challenge in finding the most reasonable flights to Ontario Airport. She'll be coming home for the summer on JetBlue out of Long Beach into Logan but going back on Southwest out of Providence into Ontario. Neither kid came home for Thanksgiving or spring break, but D's friends did.</p>

<p>To find cheap tickets, check out <a href="http://www.kayak.com%5B/url%5D"&gt;www.kayak.com&lt;/a> plus Southwest.</p>

<p>As for homesickness, most kids go through some sort of homesickness, whether it be for family or friends. I went to college eight miles from my home and was homesick the first night! College is the best time to experience life in another part of the country, and if your D is interested, then she should go for it.</p>

<p>Good luck with your decision!</p>

<p>As far as getting stuff there, here is what we did. We live in the midwest and son attends college in Portland. He packed all he could in a large duffle and in his backpacking pack. (He was flying Southwest so he had to keep each one under 50 lbs.) Hubby flew with him with a large suitcase for overflow items. He had a laptop computer which he carried with him on the plane.</p>

<p>Here at home, we went to Bed, Bath and Beyond and ordered all of his bedding and towels and other stuff. The order was sent to a shore in in Portland and ready for pickup the day they arrived. Hubby rented a car to go get that stuff. Then they went to Target to get other stuff he needed. He rented a fridge with his roommate. </p>

<p>Over the summer, the school lets him store up to 4 boxes. He leaves his bedding, towels, desk stuff, etc. He shipped home one box of books. It has worked out fine. These kids need to learn to live with less stuff but they usually adjust. He loves living on the west coast and I don't think that it bothers him much that he only gets to come home at Christmas and for the summer.</p>

<p>It's the extracurriculars that are the issue!</p>

<p>We have one 1200 miles away and another on opposite coast. The hardest thing has been not being able to see one play his sport and the other perform with his group. Also, lots of interesting lectures, recitals and other stuff we get invited to, but can't just "hop on over." The one who plays sports is only a 2 hr. plane ride away, and there are cheap flights, but it's hard to get enough of a break in younger siblings' schedules to take the time. If he was a few hours' drive away, it would be so much easier.</p>

<p>It has not been <em>that</em> hard to transport them back and forth. It's only one plane ticket and you learn how to shop for bargains. Plus, with the price of gas, we probably spend less to fly our kid cross country than friends do driving across our state! It does help to choose a school close to an airport, especially one that has frequent and convenient flights, that saves tons of hassle.</p>

<p>All that being said, it's been harder on us than we thought, and we truly hope they settle nearer to us. But... they needed to separate from us at this time in their life, they are both at excellent schools, and the pros outweigh the cons. Both are very glad we didn't force them to attend our state schools (which are pretty good, actually).</p>

<p>Transporting "stuff " was not a big problem. The one on the other coast flew Song, which used to allow 3 suitcases. I went out with him and took another 3. Other stuff can be bought online and delivered to school.</p>

<p>Little Mother - thanks for that Kayak link -- that site is way cool. Already found that I can beat the Jet Blue one-way west/east coast price with airlines flying out from SF, more convenient for us. </p>

<p>My daughter will be attending college in NYC and she has given me the word that she does NOT want a parent traveling out with her in the fall. So I'll just put her on a plane one way -- let her take what she needs & we'll ship most of the bedding. Highly unlikely that she will need heavy blankets & coats the last weekend in August, anyway. She's now managed to travel to the East coast 3 times on week-long trips taking only a carry on -- so it is possible that she has managed to master the art of traveling "light".</p>