Students going to college far from home

<p>The first year does go fast. Unfortunately, S has decided to attend summer school at a college an additional 1000 miles or so east. We will see him for a couple of weeks at the beginning of summer and for about 3 or 4 weeks at the end. Not easy to take, but he seems to know what he is doing. Though to cangel's point, this may be for the best after all.</p>

<p>I live on the East Coast and my son attends Reed College in Portland, OR. </p>

<p>Yes, it is more expensive to get him back and forth, yes- I don't see him on breaks as often (he stayed on the West Coast for fall & spring breaks) and yes I sometimes worry about the time it would take me to get there if, god forbid, there is an emergency. </p>

<p>And yes, I would do it again. </p>

<p>In addition to being in a college environment, I believe the move 3,000 miles away has contributed to him becoming more independent.</p>

<p>From Montana to North Carolina - YES our son is definitely far away!!! The experience has been well worth it. He decided he'd like to experience a different part of the country during his undergraduate years because as he said...."it's only four years, and then I'd like to end up west for graduate school or a job". Coming from a rural area in the west, it has been a wonderful learning experience for him.</p>

<p>One tip that has really helped: We put absolutely EVERYTHING we can on the airmiles credit card and that has been a tremendous saving with airfare...it's even fun to spend money now, because I see it as airmiles rather than dollars!!!! ;)</p>

<p>What if your child is immature? My junior d has expressed great interest in a college that is 9 hours driving distance. In addition to immaturity, she is very close to her sister, who is one year younger. My dh thinks we should let her try, but my instincts tell me that she will be terribly homesick--my daughters actually call each other on their cell phones while out with friends. They have separate bedrooms, but often one will "sleep over" in the other's bedroom! I cannot imagine her navigating an airport on her own...My son is less than 3 hours away and it is a pain to come home on a weekend without missing either Friday or Monday classes, which we don't encourage. Weekend trips will not be an option.
She's the type of kid who should probably stay near home, but I don't want to send the wrong message--that her mom has no confidence in her. This is very difficult.</p>

<p>My oldest child and only daughter has decided to leave from So. Cal. to Boston. I am already a complete mess. We are a very close family but I never expected to be this emotional about it. I have hidden it from her so far. But, I do wonder that if I am this big a mess already, how long can I put up a front?</p>

<p>There is also the thought in the back of my mind that I am the one that initially encouraged her to make this choice. Although she has tried to convince me that she has come to this decision all on her own, I am still burdened with the thought that if things go wrong in any way, I am the one that initiated her applying back east. Horrible timing for a certain movie to have hit the big screen as well. I know I must be crazy but I am consumed with the thought of not being able to envelope her and keep her safe from any hurt 24/7. It is not just the obvious fears, either. For heaven's sake, I am worried that if she gets her heart broken, she can't knock on my door for a hug and a tissue.</p>

<p>Did anyone else ever have these crazy thoughts? I am seriously wondering if I am menopausal or just mental! It has even occurred to me that maybe I should heed the uneasiness I am feeling instead of just dismissing it as typical "letting go" feelings. How long will it be before these irrational feelings pass?</p>

<p>Texas to Boston for us, but growing up it was Wyoming to Texas so not a lot of difference. Fedex Ground did most of the moving. Target in Boston did the rest. Airplane tickets are cheaper to Boston than most places. Cell phones and email keep us in touch, although I get the "I'm really busy" stuff more and more:). It works fine. Go for it.</p>

<p>chocolate,
My recommendation is to counsel your daughter to apply to colleges near and far. It's pretty common for kids to think they want to go to college far away until decision day comes. By that time, you will both know what is right for her. </p>

<p>I wish my kids were so close. My daughter tends to play mom #2 to both of her brothers instead of sister/friend. When her younger but much taller brother tires of it he picks her up and yells, "enough, enough!"</p>

<p>Chocolate - least said best mended! Kathiep is right, she should apply near and far. The only thing I would say to her is to discourage ED unless she develops a very strong attachment to the school, and really needs the boost from ED.
Kids grow and change tremendously from junior year to decision time senior year. She may show you that she is ready to go farther away, and she may change her mind entirely. Your job is to be a supportive sounding board, you are allowed to have an opinion, and even express it, but be very careful when you do ;).</p>

<p>
[quote]
When her younger but much taller brother tires of it he picks her up and yells, "enough, enough!"

[/quote]
LOL! Too much.</p>

<p>Calcaitsmom - Your feelings are VERY similar to what mine were, and sometimes still are. I will say, however, that the anticipation of letting our son's go was way worse than the actual event. I still go through the emotional time every time they've been home and leave again, but the length of time that I'm sad seems to be less. </p>

<p>We thought our youngest would at least be home for the summer and just found out he was accepted to an internship that's too good to turn down - I was initially sooooo sad and disappointed that we'll only have him here for about three weeks at the beginning and end of summer. Now, after a week of readjusting my emotions, I'm "choosing" to be thrilled about this new adventure that he's so excited about. </p>

<p>Anyway, it DOES get better, and I think you are VERY normal.</p>

<p>calcaitsmom:</p>

<p>
[quote]
How long will it be before these irrational feelings pass?

[/quote]
I haven’t the slightest idea what you are talking about, of course. Nevertheless, it seems to me I remember just a little while back some crazy guy :o whining on and on about his daughter’s getting ready to leave home. This post <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showpost.php?p=2172856&postcount=12%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showpost.php?p=2172856&postcount=12&lt;/a> seemed pretty meaningful to him. Maybe it’ll help you too.</p>

<p>Getting "I'm really busy" is far superior to "Press '1' for information about classes," "Press '2' for a rundown on my social life," "Press '3' for...."</p>

<p>And I get told that I repeat myself about stuff that's up with us. At least I haven't been told to put all the boring stuff on a blog so that she can read it at her leisure (cf., Jeremy in "Zits" the other day).</p>

<p>Why not have D try a sumner program this summer that is far from home & see how she does & what she thinks? This will help all of you get a better feel for the schools she'd like to attend as a college student. She might surprise you & herself about what she ends up deciding.</p>

<p>I got all teary eyed when I read the link to Dr. Seuss. Thanks, I needed that. (Even if it was directed at me!)</p>

<p>Previous post should have read "even if it wasn't directed at me". Ooops</p>

<p>I am setting aside my dread about August when we send S from Midwest to Boston. My more experienced friends repeat what an earlier poster said: the anticipation is worse than the reality.</p>

<p>However, I am trying to figure out how I will get through the rituals of May (Mass of Transition, Honors Night, Baccalaureate, etc.) without making a complete teary spectacle of myself.</p>

<p>amdgmom: give it up. My kids are already laughing at how I tear up now at every concert, last school night, last curtain call, last church accompaniment, etc etc for my first born senior. I'm pathetic, in spite of my best efforts to keep it together, so we all just laugh about it. And I'm truly happy for my daughter and her choice to go to college 8 hours away, to explore a new part of the country and climate, to make new friends, to try things she never has before (not the alcohol and sex parts of other posts of course, but the good stuff!). Yes, I'll worry, too, some, and I'm sorry that we can't go pick her up for a friday night or a ski day on a weekend, but I believe the trade off is well worth it. She has also demonstrated a sense of adventure in the last few years (7 weeks away last summer, 3 weeks in France the year before), so I believe her when she says she is ready. I have already booked parent's weekend and Thanksgiving comes the next month; for the first year at least we'll make all of these events. In subsequent years, perhaps a friend or roommate will invite her home and broaden her circle of friends and family and geography and experiences still futher. Her life has been richer for these experiences and for the families that have welcomed her into their homes thus far; I expect this will continue thru our her college years.</p>

<p>Cosmopolitan -- there is light at the end of the tunnel!</p>

<p>I've been away for a week, the first weekend of which was a visit to the S for whom I continually pine. Saying goodbye NEVER gets easier (for mom) but I can say that seeing your child at the end of the first year is MUCH easier than at the beginning. I told S he could bring a friend to dinner and he arrived with four of them, each one of them delightful. He and his roommate are set to room again next year with a group of four other friends, so he has that set. Seeing him so happy with so many good friends was fun and very reassuring.</p>

<p>He showed me his recent schoolwork without me even asking, and he not only carried on conversations with me but even initiated occasionally! Biggest happy surprise: all the manners I spent years teaching him to apparently no avail have come out of the woodwork: he was SUCH a gentleman and SO considerate: he basically gave up his entire weekend for me, which I had not expected or requested.</p>

<p>If I had known that 3,000 miles and a few months could make this kind of difference, maybe I wouldn't have been so hesitant to send him away!</p>

<p>My CT Yankee son will be going to SC - "only" a 14-hour drive or a two-hour plane ride. We're a very close-knit family and having him going a distance away will be a new adventure for all of us. A few factors have helped me gain a better handle on the situation:
1. he'll be a LOT closer (and more accessible) than when he went to China for two weeks last summer.
2. his older sister has been living in Brazil for the past 9 months - we've gotten used to THAT long distance.
3. We have dear friends who live an hour away from the school - who would be glad to have him come for home-cooked meals if he wanted to get away for a weekend.</p>

<p>My D was an immature junior. Never in a million years would I have guessed that she would decide to go to college 17 hours away (by car--2 by air). It is amazing what that year can do. She also has a younger sister who she is extremely close to. They plan each other's outfits, give advice, and are each other's best firend. We got the older one a lap top for graduation and the younger one a web cam to attach to the family computer---that way they can still advise each other on life's most important things...like what to wear tomorrow.</p>