<p>
</p>
<p>:D <em>laughs coffee out through nose</em></p>
<p>I moved my son in for Fall semester last Wednesday, and classes start today. I’ve called him once a day to ask if he got his books, how he likes his roommate, how the dining hall food is, etc. To me calling only once a day is “letting go,” but I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m being a helicopter parent.</p>
<p>To me ‘letting go’ meant turning her bedroom into a home theater with a 103inch plasma TV, Dolby surround sound.</p>
<p>I had it installed while we were ‘dropping’ her off on her first day.
I sure do love that TV</p>
<p>Two of my favorite parts from the article - when the kindergarten teacher used the same philosophy about leaving quickly for college students and kindergarteners and when the college president had difficulty leaving his child when taking them to college freshman year.</p>
<p>Our secret to not staying too long - the younger daughter! She loved helping to shop and arrange her sisters desk but under no circumstances was she interested in sticking around to walk through the arch or to listen to any speeches. We unpacked, shopped, unpacked, met her roommate and family, ate, left. </p>
<p>It was a bit upsetting but she was so happy and so ready, who were we to hold her back?</p>
<p>Findaplace: After 5 years, I don’t remember the convocation, but I DO remeber the food! Excellent and tasty, and well worth the $100K…</p>
<p>So, we helped D unload - and they had some great upperclass kids to help - went to lunch in Evanston, and then said goodbye. EZ and painless, andf good luck to you - but stay for the food! :)</p>
<p>LaContra Where will your daughter stay during holiday visits? </p>
<p>My daughter got quite upset once all her things were packed up at home. She is now happily delivered to school but I can’t imagine repurposing her room within 24 hours.
She would think we were erasing her.</p>
<p>Well the home theater installation solves the problem of D ever threatening to drop out of school!</p>
<p>As for visits, well, between spring breaks in Cancun or Daytona Beach, summers backpacking in Eastern Europe , winter skiing with friends in Banff, interning during the other holidays, and volunteering for every worthwhile cause in between…</p>
<p>We expect to see her next sometime in mid 2014…</p>
<p>My parents just don’t have the time to helicopter, and have plenty of better things to do with their time than smother me with attention. My first day of college was a little different because I had attended a pre-orientation program, but when we got back to campus on move-in day my father was there to help me move in. He had flown in that morning, and by mid-afternoon told me that it was time for him to go visit some friends in town. Why did he need an orientation- he’d already been to college!</p>
<p>@La Contra - This is fantastic. I’m reading this thread with tears running down my face (and I have a year left!) and just when it gets too maudlin, I get to another post from you. I love you AND your “bouncy” daughter AND your TV!</p>
<p>Most parents follow the plan set forth by the college. I’ve tried to stay whenever there are parent events scheduled. I don’t want my child to be one of the few without a parent. I’ve also done a stop/push child out/drive off - for my city school children. Honestly, the stop and push seems to be easier on everyone.</p>
<p>But seriously…she always said she wanted a big TV in her room.</p>
<p>I’m sure we’ll make up a bed for her if she finds her way back home.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>That sounds a bit snarky; I hope you didn’t mean it that way. We parents all have better things to do with our time. Some of us just have a hard time making the transition from full-time to part-time, if you will.</p>
<p>I can’t imagine what could be better than spending time with or doing things for my kids. I don’t believe there is any such thing.</p>
<p>Indeed. In fact—and I sincerely hope this doesn’t sound nasty—someone who says his parents have better things to do with their time than parent him, sounds a bit like someone who hasn’t had enough parenting. But, again, perhaps the poster didn’t mean it the way it sounded.</p>
<p>Is it helicoptering if I’m having stress dreams about the first week of college and my kid is sailing along apparently unconcerned? :)</p>
<p>Oh, that’s helicoptering without a rudder! And we are in the same squadron (or whatever helicopters come in).</p>
<p>No, that’s just parenting. It would be helicoptering if you flew in to have lunch with your student or something.</p>
<p>It’s understandable for parents whose kids are going far away to college to want to stick around. They’ll want to know the campus and city their kid will be living in and know that they’re going to be safe. Making sure their kids have everything they need is also understandable.</p>
<p>It wasn’t as hard saying goodbye this year because I’m close to home, and I’m coming home fairly frequently. My mom stayed until that night around 6 so she wouldn’t have to make the sketchy road trip home in the dark. We went shopping, ate out, and got my bed all set up. Otherwise I did everything myself, including meeting my roommates and suitemates. Honestly I don’t really know how much parent-student activities there were, I didn’t really pay attention to the schedule.</p>
<p>I was at the Grinnell “ceremony” and I think the NYT reporter overplayed the “back to the audience” thing. Think of the audience as being in a square – sitting in bleachers on each of four walls in the gym. The new students were all one one side of the gym; returning students were on another wall; and parents were on the two others. The speakers faced the students and the parents could see what was going on “behind the speaker’s back” on a screen. To face the entire audience, the speaker would have had to keep turning around in circles.</p>
<p>I thought the whole occasion was wonderful. Throughout the entire event, I never felt like anyone purposely had their back to us; the program was geared entirely towards welcoming the students, and as parents, we were there to witness it. It was not an orientation designed for the parents, but for the students and I felt privileged to be a part of it. I was thrilled that my son had chosen a school that was so welcoming and that has such a clearly defined sense of mission and campus community. </p>
<p>When the new president (Dr. Raynard Kington) was introduced, the returning students immediately jumped to their feet to give him a standing ovation; the audience followed in a prolonged welcoming applause. Dr. Kington was clearly touched and it was a very moving experience.</p>
<p>I was impressed with all the speakers, and the dean of students did excuse herself from talking to the students to turn and walk over and talk to the parents to tell us that we “were not losing a child, we were gaining a college.” She brought me to tears with her wise and gentle remarks about how our love and support had brought the students to this day. </p>
<p>As for shooing away the parents, I thought it was great that after this program, the time was intended for the dorm members to bond, and this was clearly what the kids wanted. In fact, I made sure that I had all the stuff cleared from my son’s room (aka stuff to return to Walmart, etc.) beforehand, so that I would not have to interfere with his absorption into campus life.</p>
<p>Woot! I got quoted! :dancing banana:</p>
<p>I don’t think colleges would have bothered to come up with ceremonies for this, and ways of communicating clearly to parents that it’s time for them to leave, unless they had seen a need for it. Face it, as parents our generation is much more involved in our children’s lives than our parents were involved in ours. We can debate the pros and cons of this (and I’m not at all sure it’s a bad thing, in moderation) but as always, there are some people who take it too far. I think that by “institutionalizing” the good-bye process, it creates a framework for what is appropriate. Obviously, there aren’t going to be police dragging you away if you stay around longer, or come back the next day. And no one is going to call Social Services if you leave earlier. But it will be clear, if you choose to come back the next day (and the day after that) that what you are doing is outside the norm. And that alone may help some parents to cut the cord and let their kid test their wings, in the relative safety of a college campus.</p>