Study abroad--how many involvement from parents?

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hi, all. Our DD is intending to study abroad next fall, as a Junior. She has been thinking about it since last fall, but has taken little action, other than considering where to go. Since her major is very broad--Humanities--she has freedom. She doesn't really care about advancing her language skills, so there is no particular reason to go to a specific country for that. Her interests are diverse--dance, music, psychology, philosophy--and she's going to succeed not because she is a real academic (although she's a very smart young woman SATs 700s) but because she's socially smooooooooth and highly adept at dealing with many types of people. </p>

<p>Predicament: she attends a tiny LAC. Miniscule, very small staff. The p/t person who handles study abroad is mainly for student exchange into the very small pool of 5 international partners, none of which fits DD's plans. So, DD has to step outside the box and either do a Direct Enroll or go through a (very expensive) 3rd party agency. </p>

<p>We've been trying to finalize this with DD. Getting our DD to sit down with us and have a conversation about her plans for next year has been a disaster. Over Xmas break she kept changing her mind, and on a break home 3 weeks ago she went all day browsing the websites, looking at different countries and programs, with no conclusion. We've told her this is OUR money and OUR rule is that SHE listen when we speak. She agrees, then sits...for a few minutes. She was aghast that we won't pay for her to go to an incredibly expensive, trendy program that jaunts the globe at $25K per semester, so she can continue to dabble in a bit of everything as she has been doing. </p>

<p>Her 2nd choice is an exotic U, again through a 3rd party agency. However, since I am a p/t travel agent I know I can put together a Direct Enroll at this particular foreign U for 1/2 the price of the 3rd party agency. Same university, same housing, same process to get the visa. I've already called the staff at the foreign U and they have walked me through the steps (plus, all the info is right there on the website!). </p>

<p>When I told DD this she exploded. She says that by ME doing the work, instead of allowing her to go through the 3rd party agency, I am being a control freak. She says if she could just contact the agency on her own, sign on the dotted line, and we write the check, it would be more in her hands. I've told her that at a savings of $7,500 for 4 months, that is unreasonable on her part. Besides, I am not trying to "control", I am trying to be a wise consumer. </p>

<p>Also, I have asked her about the way her school is handling her scholarships and transcripts. She was very vague and didn't have many answers, other than the school rep told her that she should really utilize a 3rd party agency, it's easier for everyone all around. I told DD this may be the case for other students who don't handle travel arrangements, or whose parents are willing to write big blank checks, but not for me. When I pressed her for further financial details, she got all huffy and told me to call the school Business Office, because the BO was answering other parents' questions about these things... her roommate's mom had already called and asked! And when I called the BO they said parents call and ask these questions frequently, as these study abroad trips are large expenditures. </p>

<p>Am I being unreasonable? How much involvement do parents have in these areas? </p>

<p>The amazing part of all this is that my DD is a very competent traveler (God bless her social skills!) and has already traveled internationally, solo, using itineraries that I have set up for her, at her request. But in terms of filling out forms and obtaining nitpicky details like terms and conditions, reading the fine print...argggh. Not her forte. </p>

<p>Thanks for any answers.</p>

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<p>It’s probably too late now, but for the benefit of others, if study abroad is a big deal for a college student, going to a school with little assistance from a part time person may not be the best choice. Good to ask these questions ahead of time.</p>

<p>Although $25 per semester sounds like a lot, and one could travel around the world for 4 months on less, it is no more and possibly less than a semester’s tuition and fees at many private colleges and universities.</p>

<p>To my way of thinking there are several issues here. OP has figured out a way for DD to enroll at exotic U at less expense. But will DD get academic credit at her LAC if she enrolls directly and not through the LACs preferred 3rd party agency? Or perhaps DD will not need any of those academic credits because she already has more than enough AP credits to graduate on time. If the purpose of study abroad is to travel the world and have a good time, there are probably cheaper ways of doing so. If a large part of the purpose of study abroad is to study and get academic credit, then you probably have to follow the home institutions procedures, whatever they are.</p>

<p>2 out of our 3 kids did study abroad. D1 went to a study abroad program through her LAC. We paid the LAC the regular tuition (and fees as I recall) and they paid for airfare and the study abroad academic fees. S2 went on a study abroad program through a program recommended by his LAC (a different one). We paid the money directly to that program and paid for airfare directly with a travel agent recommended by the program. In both cases, since the programs were either arranged or recommeded by their colleges, academic credit was easy to transfer to the home LAC.</p>

<p>Like many things in the college realm, it is probably best to have an understanding between parents and kids on how this will be handled well before the point when checks need to be written.</p>

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<p>I’d tell her to park it and not pay for the study abroad. She hasn’t done her side of the work or decision making. Both of my Ds looked into study abroad. One didn’t do it because we couldn’t make finances work for a semester and she wasn’t interested in finding a summer program. The other did all the work and went to Japan for a semester.</p>

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<p>Quite frankly if she has already traveled internationally and there is no academic benefit (like language study) then why are you even considering a study abroad? She will most likely get a better education at her own school. </p>

<p>We lived overseas for 9 years in 3 countries (where the locals were dying to come to the US for college) and told our kids that it just didn’t make sense to spend the money on study abroad.</p>

5

<p>Just talked to DD’s financial aid office–</p>

<p>1) DD can do a direct enroll and she will get credit from this specific U, albeit with a bit more work on her part (filling out forms and filing them, traipsing across campus to get approval from the Dean, etc.)</p>

<p>2) Whatever amount of DD’s financial aid is not used towards the study abroad costs will be refunded to her, for her choice of how to spend it. The amount she will be refunded will be about $1700-, cash in pocket.</p>

<p>3) The specific U she wants to attend has a program which fits her Humanities thesis–although the $25K globetrotting jaunt fills that niche, too. We are not forcing her to apply, but we are encouraging her to study overseas for at least one semester, considering it is covered by her scholarships. She is almost 2 semesters ahead in her credits and is hoping to make connections/contacts in her study abroad, as her tiny LAC doesn’t offer much in that area. We believe that although academics are very important, so, too, are the valuable lessons we learn in our global interactions with others.</p>

6

<p>We believe that although academics are very important, so, too, are the valuable lessons we learn in our global interactions with others.</p>

<p>So she isn’t transferring to the university per your threads last year?
Did she do study abroad in Panama?
Has she considered the Peace Corps?
Humanities majors are mud wrestling for barista jobs in my neighborhood.</p>

7

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<p>Ok, at this point, my response would be to tell the huffy daughter with an attitude of entitlement that my involvement, both financial and logistical, was over. She could go to the study abroad program which she can finance herself with her scholarships and her own money.</p>

<p>My D did a study abroad which she handled entirely on her own. She did not do the one associated closely with her university because she felt it would be too much hanging out with other kids from her U and not enough exposure to other international students and students from the host country. The only thing I did was to pay for the expenses I had agreed to and I accompanied her to help get her settled, not because she needed me to but because I thought it would be a nice little trip for the two of us. We have traveled internationally together before, and this was another wonderful trip for us. </p>

<p>She knew better to even suggest the possibility of a $25K per semester abroad, much less be aghast at my refusal to pay that kind of sum when it could easily be managed for much less money.</p>

<p>OP, I think it your daughter who has been unreasonable, not you.</p>

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<p>The $25K program sounds like Semester at Sea, which certainly appeals to me. D2 suggested it, half in jest, with the hope that we might have planted money in the back garden. But she wanted to study abroad, so she did the hard work of tracking down the programs that her tuition would (mostly) cover, made sure her scholarship would be continued in her absence, made housing arrangements, signed up for weekend trips whiler abroad etc. It was that independence and maturity that made us realize that she really was ready to go it alone in another country. OP, I’m sorry to say this, but it sounds like what your child really wants is a vacation…you may be willing to do all that work for her, but I wouldn’t be.</p>

9

<p>“We believe that although academics are very important, so, too, are the valuable lessons we learn in our global interactions with others.”</p>

<p>Academics are very important, global interactions are very important too. But so is the responsibility of the student to find a semester abroad that will enhance her study, find out the cost, see where she can get help and then come to you with a good plan. All that is for her to learn - so let her do it. If she doesn’t - then it’s not for her.</p>