It just seems, so pointless right now. I know everyone feels this way, but that doesn’t give me much when I don’t have the ability to talk to them or meet them. I do have a therapist at home and I messaged her, but I haven’t gotten a response yet.
Mendoza- big hug.
Two practical suggestions for you- alter your morning routine. If you get into the zone of “wake up, shower, eat breakfast, brush teeth, dread life, make your bed, dread life some more” it is hard to get out of that for the rest of the day.
Shower in the evening. Take a bath (you may have to set the alarm for 10 minutes earlier) and use a lot of bubbles. Have your coffee in a cafe you’ve walked by but never been inside. Map out a couple of days worth of novelty (even trivial novelties) so your brain has to engage instead of getting into the habitual “I know what’s coming next” place. If you purposefully take a new route to class your brain has to focus on the new route (do I take a left here or keep on going?) which will help you avoid some of the cyclical negative thinking.
Second suggestion- get out your calendar and write down something you love to do (or used to love to do) every other day. Day one- stop in a florist and buy a spring flower. Day three- buy a pastry at a cafe. Day five- go to a museum after class and before starting your homework. Day seven- find a walk (pond? lake? river?) that gets you outdoors in a neighborhood of your city you haven’t explored yet. Give yourself something to look forward to with a lot of frequency but which also involves a little big of planning- maps, asking locals “if you want to take a walk to see water where do you go?” etc. Get a little more engaged with other people- even strangers-- to try and reduce the pointlessness of it all. You are there to learn about another place- so start learning.
This is hard- you can do this.
Thank you! I think I was just very naive coming into this and I definitely learned I don’t know everything. It is a humbling experience that’s for sure. I am just not sure I am cut out for it. Obviously, thats a choice I need to figure out on my own, but everyone tells me why did I do this? And I don’t have an answer. I came here because honestly, I thought it would be fun and exciting. I was naive…I am naive. I thought I would meet a lot of like-minded people, but I came here with people about 4 years younger than me. Most of the students are younger than me, so I think that hurts me in a way because I can’t go out drinking every night. I mean I could, but I don’t enjoy drink all that much or partying. I romanticized this way too much and that is something foolish of me. I definitely should of researched this program more (because we are in the country. ie. not a lot to do). There are a lot of things I learned already from this process. I am just not sure I have anything really keeping me here. If that makes sense?
You are not going to feel better right away, even after trying all of those things, that’s too high of expectation. My older daughter didn’t gradually feel better until after a month.
I understand that completely, but the thing is your daughter’s experience and mind is not mine. For me, it doesn’t just feel like “homesickness”. I know what homesickness is and I don’t think people are educated enough on the strength it takes to deal with mental illnesses let alone when to deal with it somewhere completely different. I am trying to remember whats important for me and my health. I thought people would have more advice on that spectrum. I really appreciate the help, but I guess I need to evaluate what matters more my health or sticking through it.
Your health matters more. The question is can you get help for your health without leaving the program or not? We can’t really tell you that, only that it might be worth seeing if it’s possible before giving up. It might not be and there’s no shame in going home if you need to. Good luck.
I am trying to reach out to services here, but I am on a waiting list for a month, so I am not sure when they can get me in. I am giving it a full month before I make any decisions, but I am just tired of having to explain while yes I understand homesickness and I know I have that, but I am also depressed and the more I let that linger the likelihood it’ll get worse. I have no one to talk to here. Of course I have communication from home, but I have nothing here. I am trying to talk to anyone, but every seems to be giving me the whole “it’ll pass”. I want help, but I am not getting it the way I can at home. The idea of going home makes me deeply depressed as well because I know I have failed at something and that will only make my depression worse, but at least I have help at home. It makes it more isolating when I have to explain my feelings and everyone just says “you’ll get over it”.
Mendoza- you don’t have to explain your feelings in order for human contact to be helpful for you. Trust me. It stinks that you are on a waiting list to see an actual mental health professional, but is there a religious center with a priest/rabbi/minister/chaplain you can talk to? Is there a center which coordinates volunteer work for students? Volunteering for a few hours on Sunday at a nursing home-- talking to the residents-- may make you feel infinitely better. No- they won’t counsel you and may not even understand you. But it’s human contact.
I’m not telling you that your depression isn’t real. I’m suggesting that in order to break the cycle you need to actually break the cycle. Do something you haven’t done yet. Find an empathetic person (that’s why I suggested a religious leader but it could also be a teacher or a Dean at the college or a kid you see every day walking a dog) and strike up a conversation. Every hour of the day you have to spend focused on something else is an hour you aren’t spending inside your head being miserable.
Try the college library? Librarians can be so helpful. You don’t have to discuss your issues, depression, or anything personal. Just say “I’m an exchange student and I’m interested in the history of this region. How do you suggest I get started?” He or she may have some fabulous ideas of sites to see, monuments to explore, books to read, or people in town who can talk to you about their experiences.
You can do this.
I have human contact everyday, that’s half of why I feel lost. I talk to people and try to make friends with others best that I can. Like I have said before, I literally go out every single day (not the norm for me). I am not sure they have a priest or anything on campus. I am a part of a group already. It is an international group that I joined, so human contact isn’t my issue. I just need extra help, I need someone who understands my issues, so they are able to help guide me back because right now it’s hard to guide myself the way I have always been able too. I am just living day by day and I guess there isn’t much else I can do.