<p>Because there are so many student versions (also, given the tuition we pay, we better get some laughs out of the experience).</p>
<p>Professor: These linear algebra problems are so boring! Have I ever told you how I met my girlfriend on match.com?
Class: [stops Facebooking to listen]
Professor: She works here, but we didn't date until I went online!</p>
<p>Professor: So, if A, B, and C are true, then D, E...
[freezes for about a minute]
Professor: ...I wasn't good at kindergarten.</p>
<p>My college website has a whole section for these.</p>
<p>“I’m a gangster.”
“He’s seriously a jedi in oral arguments!”
“We don’t take ourselves that seriously in German” (on the non-capitalization of the personal pronoun “ich” in GRM 101)</p>
<p>My bio professor says experiment and exam weird. He also did this creepy thing were he put his hands together and said, its exquisite in a really creepy nerdy voice when we were discussing proteins. That and my history teacher admitted shes a communist, my composition teacher brought in ether cookies or pie every day and said ‘’ all right everyone start there daily easy I’m going to be right here eating my cookies/pie if you need me…know what don’t disturb me. He was really old and looked like the president from Scary Movie 3 -_-</p>
<p>What I find funny/interesting is that several professors make fun of the large public state university that’s about a mile from us (we’re a private liberal arts college). I thought it was just students that would make jokes, but profs do too, and it can be funny but also seem kind of unprofessional on their part. Some that teach there as well as here will be like “well I expect more from you guys here at IWU than my students at ISU”, etc. or like “if you fail/do something stupid, etc. in this class, then you’ll be forced to go to ISU” or “you guys can all do this, you’re smart, you go to IWU”</p>
<p>Also what I ‘love’ is when they get mad about people being late, and then they’re late and are like “oh the copier wasn’t working,” “so and so called/emailed me…” or some other excuse that they can use and we can’t. Or a prof I had last semester who refuses to teach a class before 10 am and says everything else is too early for him to be there but yet is still 2-3 minutes late almost every day to that class.</p>
<p>A prof the other day used little animals and other toys to explain a concept…it was weird the way that he did that…a little creepy.</p>
<p>“PUT THE MONEY IN THE BAG, *****!”</p>
<p>My criminal law professor last semester acting out a robbery in order to illustrate something. Ah yes, he was demonstrating the difference between theft and robbery.</p>
<p>One of my history professors this past semester always had a witty remark prepared for any occasion. He’d always enter the classroom saying “Hello, happy people!” He was a fantastic professor. I have tons of stories from that class. </p>
<p>I had a psychology professor several years ago who was a former DEA agent and a black belt in karate. He was in his sixties. He had the funniest laugh; it was high-pitched and squeaky. He was the type of professor who made extremely funny jokes and would laugh at them. Basically, once he laughed, the entire class would laugh.</p>
<p>Another thing I find interesting is when one professor starts talking for several minutes about another professor…you learn a lot…it’s funny!</p>
<p>“I see you all thinking over there. Don’t do that.”
<p>“The problem with the economy today is that there are so many women and foreigners in the workplace. Did Laura Ingalls work? Yes, but she stayed at home. If more women stayed at home today, there’d be more men in the workplace, instead of being unemployed.”</p>
<p>-Economics professor</p>
<p>My goodness that is a horrible thing for a professor to say, even as a joke (which in hoping it is…?).</p>
<p>^Maybe he was being sarcastic?</p>
<p>Well, it is true, even if it’s morally offensive to modern values.</p>
<p>My own gems:</p>
<p>“You may think that this question is largely subjective. Well, I’m the subjectiver here, so too bad.”</p>
<p>(Student) “Is there any particular reason why the letter b is highlighted on that slide”
(Professor, in perfect deadpan) “Yes, there is. It is because I made a typo.”</p>
<p>^ It made me chuckle.</p>
<p>My Romanian orgo professor made a pretty sexist joke about something (don’t remember what) that was clearly a joke and I thought it was funny.</p>
<p>Prof: Is there anybody I didn’t call?
Student: Yes, I’m not on the roll because I just added this class.
Prof: A new girl…? EVERYBODY GET HER!!!</p>
<p>“Your textbook is going to be your best friend. You absolutely can’t survive this class without it. You won’t be able to get an A in this class unless you study the textbook every night!”</p>
<p>I don’t think anyone in that class ever read the textbook, and we all did fine.</p>
<p>First day of class, professor talking about how we (class+prof) can together decide number of midterms we have</p>
<p>“But if you ask for 18 midterms, you can go **** yourself”</p>
<p>lol</p>
<p>Professor: So, have many of you have seen angels in real life?
Kid: WELL! After a few drinks… at the bar…
Professor: They multiply, right?
Kid: YEAH!
Professor: …Are you old enough to drink?
Kid: …no.</p>
<p>my professors never answer my questions. idiots…</p>
<p>Professor: The truth is… most students here have shoe sizes that exceed their IQs.</p>
<p>Professor: Unlike most professors here, I’m not above bribery. Buy me a package of Fig Newtons… and you’ll get your A. </p>
<p>Student: <a href=“Tries%20unsuccessfully%20to%20describe%20an%20abstract%20concept.”>I</a>* I don’t know, I’m just not sure how to explain it.
Professor: You can pantomime if you’d like. </p>
<p>Professor: Did you get a haircut?
Student: Yes.
Professor: It’s not a good look. It makes your head look bigger than it already is.</p>
<p>^Your professor sounds HILARIOUS:)</p>
<p>Seriously. Has anyone tried to buy him Fig Newtons?</p>