stupid questions.....how does this really work?

Paying for College
1

<p>OK, I'm new here, new to all of this stuff and feeling completely ignorant and overwhelmed. My D is a junior, great grades, EC's etc. She's interested in biomedical engineering. She's really smart and terrific but is not the top student in her class, more like top 5%. We're beginning the college search process and will visit URoch and Case next week. My questions are related to finaid and actually paying for this college stuff. I tried to use the calculators as recommended but I'm divorced and there is no way to get a really clear picture of your EFC in this case, that I can find, anyway. I can put in the numbers for me (AGI about 45,000) but do not know any details for my ex. All the schools my D is looking at require the Profile and Non-custodial forms. And that will be a prob too since our divorce papers say he will pay 1/2 of college costs at a state school (we live in NY), and these schools could care less what the papers say. But, my ex will, and he will not be cooperative about it. ANd anyway, there is no state school that offers her intended major. </p>

<p>So, please, can anyone offer any advice on how to determine what my options are? I apologize to all of you who actually know this stuff, it's basic, I know, but I sure hope I'm not the only one who feels so stupid about this stuff. I have virtually no savings due to a bad divorce, and not much equity in my home. I know D MAY qualify for merit aid but I can't rely on that at this stage as it is so unknown. She MAY qualify for need-based aid but that is also so unknown due to the non-custodial stuff. Do I take out loans or does she? Can you take out loans to meet your EFC as well as loans that may be in your aid package? I hate to tell her , hey, stop looking at good schools because there's no way the money will work out unless that's really the case. I want her to concentrate on getting into the good schools. But I also have to be realistic and that's why I'm stressed over this. </p>

<p>Help!</p>

2

<p>It IS very stressful -- but here is what you have to do.</p>

<p>1) Some time over the summer, as your duaghter is beginning to create her college list, sit down with your daughter to discuss finances. Tell her that she can apply wherever she wants, but she also must apply to "financial safeties" -- that is, colleges she is certain to get into, and that you are certain you will be able to afford. Since the divorce agreement requires the ex to pay half for a state school, you will need to include state colleges on that list - even if they don't offer the exact major she is looking for. We can't always get what we want. </p>

<p>2) Then tell your daughter that she can apply anywhere else she wants, but she needs to know that attendance is contingent on financial aid. Because it looks like you will qualify for need-based aid, she can apply to both schools that offer only need-based aid and to schools that are likely to offer good merit aid. She is likely to get significant merit money from schools where she is at the top of the applicant pool -- which are also going to be schools that may be less selective than the top schools. </p>

<p>3) Find out now what the overall cost of attendance will be at the most expensive public university in your state, including room and board & tuition. Talk to your ex and tell him what that number is, and remind him (gently) that is he will have to pay half under the divorce decree. Tell him that it is is possible that your daughter may be able to get scholarships from private colleges that will end up costing less than the public school -- then get him to agree that he is willing to pay his share of the private, as long as costs are kept down. Once he sees the logic of that argument, then explain that the private colleges want to know about his income, and will ask him to fill out a short form and may also want to see his tax returns. Tell him that you need his cooperation in filling out the forms, but that filling out the forms does not obligate him in any way to pay any money - it is just the college's way to help determine how much your daughter needs. Explain to him that if he wants the information kept private, the colleges will keep it all confidential and not reveal information to you or your daughter, and the colleges will not tell you how much they think his share of expenses would be in any case (that's true- they won't). Explain that even if your daughter does not qualify for need based aid, many colleges require this information in order to be considered for merit aid.</p>

<p>So now you have your ex's cooperation, hopefully, on the key element: filling out the forms. </p>

<p>4) Now you go back to your daughter with the same numbers. You tell her the dollar amount your dad has agreed to pay (based on the divorce decree and your research), and you tell her what you can pay. Tell her that if she goes to a state college, you can promise to pay her way (subject to whatever reservations you have: it is perfectly appropriate to require a kid to share in the burden by accepting student loans and work study) Tell her that there is no way to predict what a private college may offer for financial aid, but that if she is willing to accept possible disappointment in the end, it would probably be a good idea to apply to many colleges, including her dream school, and make a decision after all award letters have been received. </p>

<p>--
And then just try to let go of the stress and wait and see what happens. </p>

<p>Its tough -- but it works when you discuss finances clearly from the outset.</p>