<p>What's The "straight Scoop" On Living In Substance Free/wellness Dorms? My Friend's Son Is Interested Because He's Not Into The "party Scene" And Is Just A Nice, Quiet, Shy Kid. My Friend Is Worried That The Decision To Live This Way Will Label Her Child And Separate Him From The Norm</p>
<p>Any Thoughts?</p>
<p>My D chose to live on a "sub free" floor last year, as a freshman.<br>
Maybe its different from what your friend is looking at, bacause she was in the mix of everyone in terms of dorm life, but those in her immediate environment were like-minded, and that's what she was looking for.<br>
She didn't really care if she was labeled or not, and enjoyed the relative calm and quiet of living on a subfree floor.<br>
It was the 1st year that alternative was offered, and was so popular this year they doubled the # of subfree floors.</p>
<p>I think it depends on the school
My daughter lived in sub free dorms for three years- shared a townhouse the 4th. On her campus, those in subfree or who didn't want to party with substances weren't ostracized .
It was kind of a PITA, however when I came sophomore year and wanted to cook clam speghetti. I had to do it in another dorm- because my D was afraid of having wine in hers</p>
<p>well, I'd jump in and give my $0.02 worth, but Emerald and I are probably talking about the same small school ... also, my D just arrived there ... but so far so good -- people on the subfree floors are congenial and don't seem to be shunned by others</p>
<p>My S is on a sub free floor this year and he loves it. He wasn't sure that he wanted to be on a sub free floor because he didn't want to be stigmatized as "one of those". I might have been a little pushy about this. He decided to give a Freshman only floor that happens to be sub free.</p>
<p>After he moved in, he found that the RA was very firm about sub free (I don't know how enforced it will be, the RA was firm that this was a sub free floor). My S called me and thanked me for being a little pushy (can you imagine, Mom was right!). He said that there were so many other things going on to adjust to, he was so glad that he didn't have to worry about partying. He really likes the kids he has met on his floor and since we've hardly heard from him, I suspect he is finding plenty to do. He does leave messages and it seems that he is busy, busy, busy.</p>
<p>He told me about a friend who didn't want to be in an Honors or sub free dorm and she is having a really hard time. The students that she has met so far are big partiers and she is having a tough time adjusting to this. Honestly, she is not adverse to partying but is a serious student who needs to study and occ. have a good time without getting drunk. </p>
<p>If you haven't partied much in HS, I am positive that there are plenty who are like you and they aren't all stick in the muds who don't want to do anything.</p>
<p>My son chose a sub-free dorm as a freshman last year for the exact same reasons as your friend's son...he was simply into a healthy lifestyle (prefers working out to partying). Truthfully, he ended up regretful of his decison. He felt that, at least where HE goes to school, the sub-free dorm is stigmatized to a degree. Also, he found that many of the kids chose that dorm for reasons very different from his (particularly the girls), so the commonality of everyone being "sub-free" was countered by the vast differences he felt between his general attitudes and those of many of his dormmates. He was, though, very pragmatic about his decision, just opting to choose differently this year. He did manage to meet some phenomenal people, including the man who was the faculty in residence, so he ended up pleased with some of the results of his decision. His current roommate, whom he adores, was a guy he met in the sub-free dorm last year.</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>berrurah,
Isn't it sad when a child has to feel stigmatized by life decisions. I am curious to know what you meant by " many of the kids chose that dorm for reasons very different from his (particularly the girls)".</p>
<p>Glad to hear that your S stuck to his principals and found a way to be himself. My S is also into a healthy lifestyle and working out. I know that not everyone in his dorm is the same way (his roomate for one) but he is finding like minded souls.</p>
<p>yes I think we are talking about the same school celloguy- is the dorm in Steele?
Her freshman year it was in one of the cross canyon dorms- Chittick- love that dorm- it was perfect-
We talked about dorm choice a lot- she really needs quiet to concentrate, as well as more time to study than some because of learning differences.
They have a quiet dorm, but we decided that a subfree dorm would probably be quieter than a dorm that allows substances, but was just supposed to be quiet after 10pm
We had no idea that they were going to also assign her a single room- which was great- because when she wanted to study all she had to do was shut her door.
She chose subfree, as did most of other students, because she was bothered by smoke & wanted to meet other students whose first thought towards going off to college wasn't * no parents* :)</p>
<p>She also has a father who is in recovery ( kinda) and a grandfather who should be, so along with a few other students, she had addtional concerns about being exposed to a lot of drug/alcohol use.</p>
<p>I can see the students being ostracized in larger schools perhaps, and at Reed sub free just meant you didn't use substances in teh dorm, not that you had to sign a contract that you wouldn't use them ever.</p>
<p>Addtionally- students that chose theme dorms- had a better chance of getting a dorm room than those that just wanted to live on campus- although they do have more rooms now with the addition of the off campus apts than they did when she was a freshman.</p>
<p>I think the choice of housing should be the kid's decision. There are pro's and con's to each housing style. If possible the kid should spend a night or two on campus in different housing set ups. Substance free is not a end all aspect of a student, just a part of the individuals make up. You can choose to be substance free, or meat free, or religous free, or caffine free and so on and so on in college. Location rarely matters in these individual choices. </p>
<p>What my kids found is the substance frees tend to be Jesus heavy. Mine don't worship in the same way as they tend to be more reserved and private, so while the substance free looked like a possibility from the outset, after a little more investigation, the other aspects made regular dorm life a bit more to their tastes. They can live with choice in their lives and still make decisions for themselves.</p>
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What my kids found is the substance frees tend to be Jesus heavy.
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<p>Are these southern schools by any chance? I know it's not the case at Reed College, labeled by Princeton Review #1 in the nation for ignoring God on a regular basis.</p>
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I think the choice of housing should be the kid's decision
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<p>I totally agree. As parents we can facilitate their research before making a decision. When I was a student in college I was also a residence director, so it was my job to handle police/fire/maintenance concerns related to drunken behavior in my dorm. It wasn't very pretty. My two older kids (ages 12 and 3 the first year) lived in the dorm with me, and were able to form their own opinions. My younger kids just hear the stories.</p>
<p>Practical considerations aside, something still doesn't sit right with me when a college gives an official designation such as "substance free" . It seems to imply that they are turning a blind eye to what goes on elsewhere, a message I don't think they should be sending.</p>
<p>
deb~</p>
<p>How cool that your son is so similar to mine in this way! :) My son didn't actually feel <em>personally</em> stigmatized by his housing choice, but on the whole, the dorm had a kind of reputation, and I can't say that it was totally unearned. </p>
<p>What I meant by the above statement is basically what OpieFromMayberry so succinctly put here:
[quote] What my kids found is the substance frees tend to be Jesus heavy.
I didn't feel comfortable coming right out and saying it as I find nothing whatsoever wrong with ANYONE having his/her own religious beliefs and concomitant codes of behavior. But, since my son is Jewish and non-practicing at that, he felt that he might have found more commonality in a regular dorm where random kids are thrown together. He has ALWAYS been good at resisting peer pressure and has just done his own thing. Many of his friends are NOT like-minded with regard to partying, and that has never seemed to bother him or make him choose a path that he would not ordinarily choose. His current roommate, though, is VERY similar in his attitude toward partying and also in his commitment to a healthy lifestyle. He met this guy in the sub-free housing last year, but neither of them felt entirely comfortable in that particular dorm.</p>
<p>I definitely think that sub-free housing probably has a different feel within each different college setting. I am certain that some sub-free settings are ones in which my son would have felt quite comfortable and at home.</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
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...kids chose that dorm for reasons very different from his (particularly the girls)...
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<p>I am curious about these reasons as well. I was originally going to live in the dorms my sophomore year (I ended up in an apartment in the end), and I'd chosen to live in substance-free housing because at that point I would be living with upperclassmen, and I don't drink and didn't want to deal with the possibility of living with a stereotypical party girl who'd be coming home drunk at 3am and throwing up in my mesh wastebasket. I got a chance to talk to my prospective roommates and they ended up being....ditzy party girls. I have absolutely no idea why they chose to be in the program, but I am very glad I did not have to end up living there after all.</p>
<p>On some campuses, these are called "healthy living" floors. These do NOT necessarily mean that no partying goes on here, as S told me last year after an overnight with a friend who lives on one. It turns out that in this case, many were just attracted by the work out facilities! You do have to know the culture of the particular school. I'd recommend asking current students for the real inside scoop on what it's like at the school your friend's S is considering.</p>
<p>"I don't drink and didn't want to deal with the possibility of living with a stereotypical party girl who'd be coming home drunk at 3am and throwing up in my mesh wastebasket"</p>
<p>:) I have to laugh. When my D asked her brother what to get for her dorm, first thing out of his mouth... "a solid wastebasket and liners.:" </p>
<p>Not just for booze related illness, but the flu will make it's way around a dorm too.</p>
<p>I think parents need to remember a dorm "label" will not garantee anything about your child's college experience. People do get booted from substance free dorms for substance abuse. </p>
<p>All you have to rely on is the 17-18 years of parenting you put in. From that work all you can do is hope their "choices" are at least livable ones for you.</p>
<p>My son was in a substance free dorm last year, and will be this year also. It certainly doesn't seem to have kept him from having lots of social activity. He made wonderful friends, of various ethnic/religious backgrounds and a bunch of them will be in the same dorm this year. I wouldn't say that the group was overly religious, but I think they were all pretty academically oriented. I can't imagine how he could have focused on classes at all in a typical dorm.</p>
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From that work all you can do is hope their "choices" are at least livable ones for you
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<p>No. Not for me. For my kid.</p>
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My Friend Is Worried That The Decision To Live This Way Will Label Her Child And Separate Him From The Norm
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<p>To the OP - I guess you can see that it really depends on the school! </p>
<p>This has been an interesting thread for me, as I'd never thought about the 'labeling' aspect. D was in a high rise and once off the floor, no one would know if you were a subfree or not.<br>
Her decision was reinforced though, the AM she went for breakfast and someone had gotten sick in the elevator the night before - the smell was so bad she refused to go back up after eating and went to class in her pj's :)</p>
<p>So I guess your friend's son will have to look at each program individually. So many of the schools we looked at had a growing # of wellness dorms, I thought that they were more the norm (they sure do use it as a selling point on the tours - to the parents anyway!).
Good luck to him in his search.</p>