Can someone just be there for me? This is super strange and pathetic but there’s no one in my life I can just talk to and I need it so badly. Partly, no one believes there’s anything wrong. On the surface, my life seems great. I just got into yale early action and my parents aren’t arguing/considering divorce anymore and my parents aren’t arguing with me anymore either.
But I’ve just spent the last two hours sleeping and I woke up and cried for half an hour and I don’t even know why. I Just feel empty and hollow and I’m frustrated with myself. I’ve always been mildly depressed and chalked it up to stress/parents, but now I don’t have a reason. I’m just feeling awful and its terrible because there are people with real problems out there who are toughing it out and I’m just a suburban princess who can’t get out of bed.
It’s even impacting my schoolwork. Usually I look forward to/ tolerate my homework, but these days I have to drag myself to do it. It’s terrible because I want to care. I like to learn and I certainly didn’t pull grades just for college admissions. Yet here I am being the worst student I’ve ever been in my life, to the point that I’m turning in assignments late.
I guess I just need to vent. But more so I want someone to tell me that I’m okay. That’s probably irrational and I’m probably pathetic for it, but no one wants to listen in my life right now.
I’m so sick of how proud everyone is of me and yale etc when I know how weak and desperate I truly am.
First off, congrats on Yale!! Secondly, you’re probably experiencing senioritis, just take a break. Take a day for yourself and enjoy it doing something you like. Read a book, take a bath, watch TV, go to the park etc. You’re a second semester senior and you only experience that once during your life. Sometimes just going for a walk can help, assuming you don’t live in a annoying cold city near the east coast.
@comeoneileen Congratulations on your admission to Yale. It sounds like admission combined with the relief that your parents situation has stabilized and/or improved is a relief to you, but also perhaps residual stress is still there and you are having a reaction to it. It may be a touch of senioritis too, however, you are having symptoms such as interrupted sleep, unexplained crying and reduced interest/motivation to do things that previously were interesting and motivating for you that you should monitor. If these symptoms persist for more than a couple weeks or get worse and really interfere with functioning then you may need to seek some kind of help from a professional. For now, taking the leap and talking to one or both of your parents about this even though it is scary to you, or talking to your school counselor may be a great place to start.
@comeoneileen I agree with what @Anish14 and @NorthernMom61 both said, but I totally relate to what you’re going through. I went through a similar depressive episode about four or five years ago, and besides your Yale acceptance our stories are similar in many ways. It’s a scary place to be, and I know you don’t know me well, but if you ever need or want somebody to talk/vent to, I’m here for you. You are strong and you are not pathetic, weak, or desperate, and I promise you will be okay. Feel free to inbox me if you would like to chat in private. Much love.
Young people today have so much stress! You are okay and are not alone. Its a shame that you cannot talk to your parents because they would feel horrible if they really knew how bad you are suffering. Continue to vent, its a healthily way for release some of your anxiety. Hang in there, my prayers are with you.
You’re 17 years old and facing a huge change in your life. Going away to college, much less Yale, is a pretty decent trigger for any possible insecurities to come to the surface. You’re excited and afraid and not sure which emotion is the predominant one from one minute to the next. And in the meantime, everyone at school is just showing excitement, probably with a bit of envy because you got into Yale. You’re worried about the future of your friendships, and concerned about your ability to fit in.
Does that sound pretty close??
OK, here’s my high school teacher/ mom of teenagers diagnosis: You’re absolutely normal. Every one of those emotions is normal, and to be expected.
That, of course, doesn’t help. You’re looking for a cure, not a diagnosis.
Why not make an appointment with your guidance counselor? Just go in for a chat, and unload a little? You’ll hear the same things there as you’re reading here, but it will be from someone qualified, someone who knows you, someone whose judgment you know you can trust.
@Anish14 @NorthernMom61 @bigdreamer15 @mofson @bjkmom
Thank you all so so much for your kindness. You all don’t know what it means to me, truly.
To be honest, I’m still not sure how I feel, but I know I need to work on it. As much as I want to brush it off as a minor hiccup, it happens often enough that I need to straighten it out before college, especially since it has the potential to be so much worse than crying for hours (I used to hurt myself).
Thank you all though, for helping to feel less lonely. The only way I can describe depression as I know it is that it is like living in a world of angles and sharp corners. Thank you for giving me a soft, warm, supportive space to rest my head a little. It has been what I needed for a long time.
Above all, thank you for being kind, for giving me your time, and for giving to the world the love that I hope it returns to you everyday.
@comeoneileen You are welcome. If you were my daughter, I would hope that you would talk to me if you were hurting. Being there for your child is a parent’s job. And your pain is your pain. Just because you think that what is hurting you is not as significant as other’s problems doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt. Hopefully this “depression” will pass as a temporary bout of senioritis, but if symptoms persist, do seek some support. Finding help when you need it is an important survival skill as you enter your adult life. All the best to you.
I know exactly how you feel - especially the part about being mad at yourself for being depressed when you are so privileged in comparison to the rest of the world.
If you feel like this is part of a longer-term problem you’ve had, don’t let people talk you into thinking that this is only senioritis or just a phase. Teenage mental health is so often neglected as “just part of growing up.” Depression and anxiety are very real and extend beyond typical teen angst. But there is nothing wrong with being depressed, and it certainly doesn’t make you weak or pathetic! Know that there are plenty of resources available for coping with depression and anxiety, especially on a college campus.
If you just really need someone to talk to, consider talking to your parents about seeing a therapist. That has been really helpful for me in the past. If that is not an option for economical reasons, seeing a school counselor is an option as well. School counselors sometimes have a reputation for being insensitive and unhelpful when it comes to personal issues, but there are some good ones out there who really do care about helping their students.
