<p>I think that young people often don’t understand how much of adult life consists of stumbling and fumbling, having things not work out, switching directions, etc. People don’t tend to mention these things much because they focus on what they actually did, not the opportunities that didn’t come their way. </p>
<p>If your kid doesn’t get into his/her ED school, it might be interesting to have a family conversation about various things that didn’t go perfectly in the lives of other family members. It may help for the kid to know that Dad didn’t get into his first choice college, Mom got laid off from a job she really liked, Grandpa had a business that failed, an aunt dropped out of graduate school, etc., and that all of them changed directions and did other things. </p>
<p>I was surprised by my D2’s reaction to being waitlisted at Davidson. It took her about a day to decide to pass on it and move on. For a lot of kids, the whole application process is a very grow-uppy experience, given the amount of planning, selecting, down-selecting, writing, travelling, quantitative and qualitative analysis, and decision-making required. In the business world, it’s project management 101. </p>
<p>Everyone but a very, very few experience some sort of “failure”. It’s part of life and it’s probably good for you. Not getting into the school of your choice is inconsequential in the long run. You can use it to your advantage, however. I didn’t get into my ED schooI and wished my parents had been better about encouraging me to excel in HS. If they had, I felt like my chances would have improved. For the next four years, every time I felt like taking an easier road, I remembered the sting of the rejection and it supported my motivation enough to get me into graduate school at the unattainable place. That fixed it.</p>
<p>So, the short of the long is to help them take that rejection and use it to their advantage.</p>
<p>Tell him it is an amalgam of qualifications, presentation, fit, and luck - each a potential asset and pitfall. And welcome to the real world. Sometimes it hurts.</p>
<p>@Marian Great comment. I have been trying to do this for the past several years – both to my son and to his friends (they are around a lot – we travel together for sports, etc) and the kids I mentor (and the formerly incarcerated that I tutor). I think sometimes we look like we have it all together (so don’t) or that life is easier as an adult. I try to be open and failures, being anxious about new experiences, taking risks, etc… I have been surprised more than once with the look of relief on their faces – think it is best to really highlight the journey/paths/bumps through life rather than just the goal accomplishments.</p>