Suggestions for improving the UVA experience

Colleges & Universities A-Z University of Virginia
1

<p>My child has hated UVA from the start, but it isn't getting any better, and I was hoping to get some ideas since we are at wits end as to what to tell them when they call home and are SO upset. </p>

<p>Lots of people (parents and students) have told me that it took them (or their kids) a couple of years to either start to like it, or at least not hate it. I know there are tons that love it right from the start, but there are lots who don't, which I haven't ever run in to when talking about other schools. </p>

<p>First of all, the problem isn't academic. They are a 2nd year and have over a 3.0 (although they have to work for it). The big problem is that they don't feel wanted/included/engaged and can't seem to make friends. I should add that in addition to being smart they are also attractive and a wonderful human being. </p>

<p>Here is a list of attempts to get involved and the result. </p>

<p>1- signed up to volunteer at something that interested them: <em>rejected</em> already full.
2- ran for office in their dorm: <em>lost</em>
3- tried out for Campus tour guide (or whatever it is called): <em>rejected</em>
4- rushed a frat or srat: <em>rejected from all of their choices</em>
5- rushed an honor fraternity: <em>rejected</em>
5- tried a couple of clubs but didn't connect.
6- rushed again: <em>rejected</em>
7- rushed an honor fraternity again: <em>rejected</em></p>

<p>I'm probably even missing a few, but you get the idea. They can't even get involved. </p>

<p>I doubt you will think up anything that we haven't but I hope that isn't the case. Suggestions?</p>

2

<p>I’m very sorry to hear this, TV4caster. I remember your posts from a couple of years ago and seem to recall your child was not crazy about going to UVa to begin with (and that there was some drama around the whole selection process-excuse me if I’m not remembering that correctly). I think your child really liked Clemson and some of us suggested that VT seemed more similar to Clemson than UVa (but I believe your child would not consider VT?). This is tough and it would be very tough for you I’m sure to keep hearing all this negative stuff for this length of time. Has your child considered counseling to look at her potential role in all of this? Or considered transfer? Good luck. This sounds pretty miserable. </p>

3

<p>Madison house (volunteering organization) is very honest that things fill up quickly. The early bird gets the worm is said frequently. They should try that again. I would also encourage them to look at the service fraternity alpha phi omega (APO). Downtown also needs volunteers (things like the Discovery Museum or Computers 4 Kids for example) so encourage your child to look in non traditional places for opportunities.</p>

<p>UGuides is very competitive so that is not a rejection to take personally.</p>

<p>Were there reasons about the honor fraternity? 3.0 is average at UVA so I am not sure it would quality for an honor fraternity?? Google “UVA Data Set” you can see the average GPA is 3.1-3.2. Honors usually starts at 3.6+</p>

<p>I would recommend clubs that a) meet every week and b) go out off grounds every week. My favorite club at UVA (anime club… I know very nerdy) met twice a week and went off grounds 1-2x per week which really facilitated interaction. Everyone was welcome. It’s never too late to start coming to meetings, and go to every meeting for the semester. Don’t give up. Unless your child has transfer applications in, they will be graduating from UVA and need to make some kind of friendships for the next two years.</p>

<p>I only ever met 1 person at UVA who didn’t like it so it surprises me that you claim many do not like UVA or take a while not to hate it… Your attitude is also not very optimistic and I would try to be more optimistic for your child. I wonder if you both are glass-empty kind of people based on what you have typed. Like I said unless you have transfer apps in place you need to turn your attitudes around.</p>

<p>Everyone at UVA is rejected from something - it is an entire school of over-achievers. Not everyone can be on top anymore. I was rejected from Raven Society, USingers, and quite a few internships 2nd/3rd year.</p>

<p>I would also recommend looking into a job? I worked as a religious school teacher and a teaching assistant and tutor while I was at UVA (10-15 hours per week) and I loved it. I made great connections with the other staff and the students I was working with. If your child does not need the income, you can put it in an IRA for them.</p>

<p>One more thing to try would be a study group – even if she does not need it… You email the entire class or ask the professor to do so, and people who want to be in a study group meet up every week. I did a number of these and I loved hanging out with the people. We would meet altogether or also sometimes people would meet with me by myself – they would come to my work and do problems while I was helping students ha ha and we would hang out during my down time. I ran a lot of study tutorials out of my dorm room as well, anyone was welcome with cookies even at 11pm. College is all about academics and don’t underestimate the social value of that.</p>

<p>My final suggestion would be that my dorm was really big into TV shows, like project runway… And we would watch them all together. I would email out to the dorm that I was showing it in my room and whoever wanted to watch would come hang out. If we had enough people we would move to the lounge or reserve the lounge. I am not sure which dorm your daughter is in but be proactive. I also once had a party in my dorm room because my roommate and I got a freezer - we bought $10 worth of value ice cream and called it a “freezer warming party” and everyone in the dorm stopped by for some ice cream. More of them would stop and chat on their way around after that. I tried to leave my door open whenever I was in the room and they would pop in and say a quick hello/goodbye even if they were in a rush. Don’t underestimate the value of being proactive.</p>

<p>I hope other posters come up with even more ideas for you.</p>

4

<p>Hating a school “from the start” suggests a pretty bad attitude from the start, or someone who wasn’t ready to let go of high school or home in some way. There are just too many opportunities at UVa to suggest that she is shut out of everything, especially when the list you gave does not indicate a wide net. You could get dozens of suggestions here, but only she can make the effort to “connect” in a club or activity, gather friends, seek opportunities, adjust to setbacks. You do her no favors by indulging the idea that she is somehow a victim to an environment that is stacked against her. </p>

<p>I sincerely hope she can find a way to improve her experience. If you are at all concerned about depression, perhaps making contact with CAPS would be helpful.</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.virginia.edu/studenthealth/caps.html”>http://www.virginia.edu/studenthealth/caps.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

5

<p>SE- she did originally want Clemson (good memory!) but then was very excited about UVA. She also originally dismissed VT, but is applying there as a transfer to at least give her that option. She says that when she goes to Tech that she just feels at home and that people there really care about her and want to be with her. She doesn’t have friends like that at UVA and doesn’t get that feeling there.</p>

<p>Hazel- thanks as well. I think the APO idea is a good one and sounds like something she would enjoy. The honor frat is PSP and has a 3.0 threshold for admission. I wonder if being so close to the cutoff wasn’t a factor (worried about people dropping in or out each semester etc???).</p>

<p>I don’t think I/we are the ‘glass half empty’ kind of people, and I certainly haven’t been like that with her. I keep telling her that everything happens for a reason and that it will all work out in the end. As for the people I have met who didn’t like UVA from the start: there are many of them. A VERY common refrain has been “hated it the 1st yr”; “ambivalent the 2nd”; “liked it the 3rd year” and “loved it my 4th year”. I suppose some of them could be telling me that to make me feel better, but I hear it a lot. </p>

<p>I like your idea of study sessions too. I know she does some but probably more with people she knows (like HS kids) than with new people. I also wish she had stayed in the dorm for more interaction possibilities but she is in an apartment. I am not sure she has time for working. She is really working hard just to get the grades she does.</p>

<p>Mom2- I know she didn’t have a bad attitude when she got there (but am less certain about your other theories). She also isn’t shut out of everything. This semester for example she is working with animals somewhere. I was just listing all the rejections she has had to show how tough it has been for her. She is adjusting much better than I would expect my plugging away and trying again and again (like tomorrow when she has the UGuides process). I also am certainly not indulging her by claiming that she is a victim of an environment that is stacked against her, although, as Hazel said, it is a school of overachievers, and in a way that does stack the odds against people being as successful as they were in HS. </p>

<p>I should also add that the CAPS suggestion is a good one but even that didn’t go as I expected. After one meeting they told her that because she wasn’t a “serious case” (I am paraphrasing) that she shouldn’t come back. I didn’t believe her and called them, and was indeed told virtually the same thing. </p>

6

<p>I have a daughter at UVA’s Law School, so my response may not be all that helpful or relevant. She, and our family, think very highly of UVA, and she has been quite happy there.</p>

<p>I wish that CAPS (Counseling and Psychological Services) could have been more responsive to the OP’s daughter. Of course, many students at any university experience adjustment problems, and resources everywhere are limited. But if a student feels the need to talk to a professional about an emotional problem, it’s unfortunate when the university can’t provide that on campus. The CAPS webpage (<a href=“http://www.virginia.edu/studenthealth/caps.html”>http://www.virginia.edu/studenthealth/caps.html&lt;/a&gt;) explains that, following a 15-20 minute screening call, the student may be seen that same day, on a 1-3 day urgent basis, at the next available standard appointment, or referred elsewhere on campus, in the community, or to online resources.</p>

<p>It sounds as if the OP’s daughter was in the latter category. TV4caster, did she then follow up with the alternative resources? A community like Cville probably offers good off-campus alternatives. Another possibility, if she really wants counseling - can she call CAPS again and advocate for herself, saying assertively that she believes she needs to speak with someone on campus?</p>

<p>As a second-year student, how does she feel she’s progressing toward the future she wants? Do employment prospects look good, and is her resume putting her in a good position for her job hunt? I have nothing but admiration for UVA, but if your daughter would be happier or more in synch at VT, that’s also a great school.</p>

7

<p>CAPS does have some therapy groups. If she feels she needs help, maybe one of those might be appropriate. I had a very positive experience speaking with a CAPS psychologist. Since CAPS must observe privacy laws, we were not directly speaking about my student but rather the counselor was very helpful in advising me on how to best support my D when she was calling home distressed. </p>

<p>UVA has so many clubs and groups that don’t require some form of competitive admission to join. (The majority of students are not in a greek or honors organization.) I know students who have really enjoyed club sports/recreation, faith based groups, outdoor adventure, martial arts, international/ intercultural exchange, comedy clubs, ballroom dance, etc… The list could go on and on. A lot of these groups welcome beginners and meet on a regular basis which helps foster relationships. An added bonus for the ones that involve exercise is that you can reduce stress, stay healthy and make friends at the same time. A club sports team that my daughter joined as a non-athletic beginner first year was a huge help in getting through some rough patches. A faith based group really helped her make friends with others who shared the same values and beliefs.</p>

<p>Also, you sound like you are in state, so is she coming home or visiting VT a lot? It’s better to stay at UVA on the weekends. Kids who leave frequently miss out on valuable time to connect with others. </p>

<p>Finally, you are right to be proud of your daughter for continuing to plug away at making this work. She’s learning valuable life skills in resilience and determination that will serve her well. I’m sure it’s helpful to her that you have confidence in her.</p>

8

<p>Frazzled- she was in that latter group and did get in for 1 session a few days later and then was told that she was on her own. They did give us some recommendations for private entities and she is taking advantage of one of them. </p>

<p>I don’t think she feels like she is progressing toward her future but that is in no way UVA’s fault (and would be the same at VT or any other school). She simply doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life but will still need to pick a major in a couple of months. </p>

<p>Erwinrd- She is seeing someone now and it is certainly helping to keeps things from getting completely out of hand. She is going to VT a lot because her brother, best friend, boyfriend, and several other very close friends are there. She says she just can’t stay at UVA most weekends because all her roommates and friends are in sororities and head off to events and she is left alone and depressed. It’s a catch-22. If she stays she feels worse; if she leaves she feels better but is probably lowering her chances of interacting and forging meaningful relationships. </p>

<p>Everyone- thanks for the comments and suggestions. She has tried most of them already but I think Hazel’s suggestion of APO is a really good fit for her personality and she sounded excited to explore that. </p>

9

<p>I just quickly want to comment on UGuides - far from being an all-inclusive fun way for kids to get involved at UVA, it is an extremely selective and very elitist group which serves primarily as a social organisation. It is fairly homogenous and is known for being, essentially, its own frat. Very rowdy. OP, your daughter shouldn’t feel too hard done by here – from what you’ve described, it doesn’t really sound like her scene.</p>

10

<p>TV4orcaster: I am a mother in a similar position. My daughter was socially involved in HS and on a varsity sports team. Nothing has worked out so far. I am a UVA alum ('85), and I hate to make a sweeping generalization, but here it goes… during our campus tours and various interaction with the students at UVA, I have to admit that they are very different from when I was there. To be frank…I found them arrogant and lacking in people skills…I think as UVA has risen in rankings, the type of student in terms of personality has also changed, and not for the better. My daughter is no nerd, but she does not fit in…she will be transferring to Tech next year…we should have gone with our gut and picked Tech…she fit in much better. Live and learn…rankings are not everything…</p>

11

<p>ltjenkins, Sorry to hear about your daughter.The issue for TV4caster’s daughter though is that she is already a second year. Would she lose ground by transferring? I don’t know. My oldest went to UVa and it was the right place for him. My youngest went to Virginia Tech. It was the right place for him. My husband and I have remarked more than once that it was fortuitous that younger son was not UVa material in high school (SAT’s and EC’s were but grades weren’t so he didn’t apply). The student body IN GENERAL does seem different. No knock on UVa at all (and I certainly don’t see my older son or his friends as arrogant) but it is not for everyone. My UVa son has made lifelong friends and enjoyed his time there tremendously. My VT son has done the same. Most kids do seem happy at UVa and the transfer rate is very low but if a kid is truly unhappy, I would imagine transfer could help.</p>

12

<p>My son also was not selected for a few organizations for which he tried out, during his first year. However, he found other activities that he enjoyed much more. For example, he didn’t make it into a competitive singing group, but instead joined a singing group that is much more fun. </p>

<p>Students should also realize that some organizations accept students from all four years, and sometimes a student is accepted on their second or third try. Also, there are many organizations that do not have a competitive process.</p>

<p>My son plays a club sport, which recruited many of their players from students who tried out for a different sport, and didn’t make it. </p>