<p>My d has chosen a small liberal arts college of 1700 students over colleges such as Brown, Duke, Wash U, Berkeley, etc. I would like to influence her to choose another college. My problems with her choice is the college only offers 1 of the majors she is interested in. It is predominantly upper middle class, white, christian, not alot of diversity. She is shy and just felt a real fit with the students and seems to not be looking at anything else. Plus the more I push not to go :)) the more she chooses to go. I could see if she had received a full ride...but she did not and I really do not want to pay for a college choice that I think she will regret. </p>
<p>Any suggestions or should I let her choose as it is the next 4 years of her life!</p>
<p>When you say chosen, do you mean she's been accepted in the schools you've listed, and she prefers this other school where she's also been accepted? Or is this about where she wants to apply?</p>
<p>If she's shy, larger schools such as Duke, Berkley, etc may seem overwhelming. And there's a tendency for the extroverts to be tour guides, so that may make her feel even shyer. </p>
<p>I understand your feelings, but I think that the more you push, the more resistant she may become. In addition, I ultimately feel that unless the school is just bad or there are financial or extreme personal reasons, children should be allowed to make there own choices. However, if I were you, I would gently speak to her about the following things:</p>
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<li><p>College is the best possible time to branch out and go beyond your comfort zone. Meeting others of your age with different viewpoints and different life experiences, in a safe supportive atmosphere with no "adult" responsibilities, is a gift that you should take advantage of if you have the chance. If you chose the "safe" option now, when will you ever take a risk in life (and taking risks is part of what makes life so wonderful and challenging).</p></li>
<li><p>At each of the schools she is looking at, there will be many kids who share your daughter's viewpoints and lifestyles. She can join a religious or social group and/or apply to live in a substance free dorm and find others who she is comfortable with, yet still gain the advantage of diversity and differing opinions.</p></li>
<li><p>If she is unsure of her major (as most kids are), yet has a few she wants to explore it seems unwise to limit herself to a school that does not offer some of her interests. College is a time to challenge yourself intellectually and if certain areas/majors are not offered, she will never have the chance to experience them.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>In addition, if possible, I would visit these schools again. Based upon the schools she is looking at and what you have reported about your daughter's personality, I think that Wash U. is probably the most "nurturing" of the bunch and maybe you could make an effort to revisit that school.</p>
<p>She has been accepted at all the schools and need to notify the colleges of her decision by May 1. She only put the smaller school on as a safety recommended by her counselor. She was offered to come for a scholarship weekend and had she received a full ride that would have been a huge consideration, but unfortunately she did not. So why give up the benefits of some of the other more well known and larger schools?</p>
<p>Midatlmom: Thank you some great suggestions I will wait a few days and bring up some of those points, thank you</p>
<p>I would have to argue in favor of the smaller school if she is unusually shy. Many shy kids grow out of their social awkwardness, but it does take a few years and the right environment. One of the factors is being pushed into new responsibilities and into acquiring new skills. A small school may be just the place for her. While you are right that the "name" schools offer more diverse opportunities, will it help if she lacks the confidence to take advantage of those opportunities?</p>
<p>^^^Let her choose^^^
Husband and I wasted an awful lot of our last year with our son at home (he's now a freshman), trying to talk him out of his first choice school, thinking we knew better. Turns out he's had a fabulous year and his choice was spot on.</p>
<p>dte: It is difficult to offer meaningful advice without knowing the small school (Davidson is my guess) and a bit more about your daughter's interests.</p>
<p>The smaller school may indeed be the perfect fit for her -- what I would suggest (if possible) is to revisit a few of the other schools. Try and connect with one of the Christian groups on campus (there are usually several) and ask if one of the students would meet with her to talk about what it is like to attend school there. I would also ask if they would select someone who is "quieter", and let them know that some of the rah-rah cheerleader type tend to be overwhelming and she wants a different look at the school.</p>
<p>This type of visit would give her a better view of the other schools -- if she isn't the loud, excited type who loves a good party then touring a school with someone who is that type can give a student the wrong view. She needs to see if and how she would fit in to those schools.</p>
<p>hsmomstef: dte wrote that the small school was Christian, not his daughter. As I posted above, it would be helpful to know more about the daughter's interests as well as the school referenced.</p>
<p>icy -- true, I just made that assumption (my bad). </p>
<p>More info would be good -- the school choices listed were interesting. While there are literally hundreds of excellent schools out there that would be great for a quieter person, Duke, Berkeley and Brown and not three that I would pick out (just from general knowledge).</p>
<p>"I really do not want to pay for a college choice that I think she will regret."</p>
<p>Is part of your problem the fact that the smaller place is going to be more expensive for her to attend? Maybe you need to talk dollars with her as well as size.</p>
<p>It may be that she'll blossom much more in the school that she's favoring. I saw exactly that happen with a friend's daughter who was shy and went to a small Christian school.</p>
<p>What you may be viewing as great opportunities at places like Brown and Wash U may be overwhelming to her. After going to a small LAC where her stats put her in the top of the class, she may be willing to venture to a more renowned and larger place for graduate or professional school.</p>
<p>To give her every chance to think through all angles, take her to visit a couple of the other colleges where she has been accepted. It also could be a good idea for her to revisit the LAC. If she does these visits at times that aren't special days for high school admits, she'll also get a more realistic view of what the campuses are like.</p>
<p>If she visited the LAC during a scholarship weekend and visited the other colleges on regular days, she could have the misguided impression that the LAC is always as friendly, interesting, etc. as she experienced it when she really was surrounded by students who were hand picked to give top recruits a warm welcome and good time.</p>
<p>Unless you are talking about a place like Amherst or Pomona etc. than I would try to prevent her from making a mistake and passing up a tremendous opportunity. I disagree with most people here. Parents seem to be afraid to be parents nowadays, which likely explains the lack of discipline and sense of entitlement children have these days. Anyhow, Brown is not even that big of a place and we can't be sheltered forever. In the real world there are many types of people that we have to learn how to deal with. A lack of diversity does not allow for learning how to deal with those realities. Sometimes, people need to be pushed a little to break out of their comfort zones. She can't be sheltered her entire life.</p>
<p>hikids -- that would be true if the student was paying, but when parents are paying (and paying significant amounts of money) that decision needs to be mutual.</p>
<p>We are jewish, I understand she should be making the choice, however at $50,000.00 a year I believe I should be able to have a say in it, not necessarily tell her no. After visiting many schools before applications(Large, small, etc.) her preferences came to this. Suburban setting, 4000-6000 students, non-religious(can be affiliated with a church, temple, etc. but not required-Brandeis, Boston College out.), doesn't want greek life to play a major role in the social structure, majors: economics, Intl relations, public policy. Must have a strong study abroad program. What she loved about this last school - Honor code, strong sense of community, feeling of overall safety, social activism there, and a defined beautiful campus, lack of greek life, southern hospitality...everyone was super nice. She has agreed to go and see a couple of the other schools, so hopefully she will see another one she likes as much.</p>
<p>DTE you should have a HUGE say in it. When she is an adult and makes her own money then she will have ownership over her choices entirely. Until then, keep being a parent, it is nice to know that some people aren't afraid to do so these days.</p>