i’m writing my common app about my life, and in one part I talk about the familial abandonment I experienced and the consequent severe depression.
I mention that I tried to commit suicide, and in my essay so for, to quote, I say: “I tried to take my life [x amount] of times”
(number excluded to protect both me, and to hopefully not link my college essay to this post through plaigarism checker - yup im that paranoid)
I believe that the sentence is impactful, and definitely has a place in the paragraph and adds to it, but is it too heavy to mention in a common app college essay? is attempted suicide an absolute no-no?
I would NOT. It is too much to ask them not to wonder if you will be well all 4 years you are there. They may let that nagging “will they suffer depression again here? We are going to be responsible…” seep in when they read that.
Plus, I would rather see you talk about why you want to be an xxx, go to xxx, study xxx…more about the postives of you. overcoming severe depression is a big part of your life, but I don’t think it “explains who you are”. It should not define you.
I think it’s risky. In any which case, I would do more on showcasing your positive qualities in the essay, so focussing on how these experiences have strengthened you as a person, the lessons you’ve learned etc.
It sounds suicidal to right on that topic. It is good to express your real self, but try to avoid anything real controversial or that would raise red flags.
Avoid this topic. 650 words is too little space to give adequate treatment to such a “heavy” topic. Grapple with something that will fit better into the space constraints - you mentioned your essay discusses familiar abandonment. Try to discuss something more uplifting that speaks to your potential as an applicant.
Colleges want to see that you have grown and overcome your issues that you have faced in the past. Although there are support systems in place, no college wants to be known as “that one where this kid tried to take his/her life.” You can still mention how it deeply impacted you without referencing attempted suicide, which will raise red flags. In other words, it’s a very high risk for little gain
I would not talk about the familial abandonment leading to depression or suicide attempts at all. The fact that these come up at all in your essay makes me question whether the premise of your essay is appropriate.
I think I get where you are coming from. You want to write about those things because they are the most personal to you and they have definitely affected who you are. For the longest time, I had very similar thoughts. I too had a very troubled childhood and I thought that colleges would be like “wow this kid has gone through alot,” possibly showing some empathy to where I came from. However, those details of my life had not been revealed to anyone else up to that point, and the college admissions essay is not the place to do it.
I realized by writing those things about myself, I was not leaving room for any positives about me, aka the reasons the colleges would want a prospective student to be on campus. Your guidance counselor can always use the additional comments section to explain any extenuating circumstances and it will provide a context that of all your achievements in the face of those challenges. However, placing it as the centerpiece of your essay is risky because not only are suicide and depression incredibly personal topics, they can make the admissions officers question (whether consciously or subconsciously) whether those issues will arise again on a college campus.
What are your passions? Quirky interests? Where do you see yourself? What makes you happy? Come alive? Secret pleasures? Talents? Those are some good places to start if you are looking for some more positive topics. I think a common misconception is that colleges are looking for a sad story (parents getting divorced, grandparent getting cancer, getting adopted, ect) sometimes it reveals more about a situation than it does about you, which is the focus of the essay itself. It is fine to mention it, but I would not focus on depression and suicide at all if I was writing it. You are more than that, use the essay to show who you are now and who you have developed to become
the premise of my essay focuses on three parts of my life, one stage where i went through extreme bullying, the second part is the depressed/suicide and the third is when i moved to america, learned more about both myself and the world, and how far i’ve managed to come - girl who ate lunch in the bathroom to captain of a varsity sports team, and how much i’ve learned from my experiences etc. etc. in essence, the third takes all the hardships i experienced earlier on in my life and shows how far i’ve come and what i learned from them,
i’m not trying to push anyone to say “yes of course you should write on this now!!” I just wanted to ask if your opinions are the same even after I have given you more info about this.
I think it sounds like a good essay as a whole but I feel the suicide part is too risky. Perhaps write about just the first and third parts? I think within that there will be plenty of opportunity to stay true to yourself and convey your personality so have a go and see if you like it?
Yes. Especially the part about you attempting it multiple times. Colleges don’t want the liability risk. The sentence maybe impactful, but remember the OBJECTIVE of the essay-- it’s not for personal catharsis. It’s for getting you admitted.
Write about the bullying & alienation. Just leave the depression & suicide bit out.
okay yes I think I will definitely take it out then and focus on the first and last part of the essay more - and I think you’re right, I think I ended up using this essay as more of a personal carthasis instead of a good college level essay.
OP you have gotten some excellent feedback on this thread, and I am glad that you seem to be “hearing” it. I urge you to push yourself to make drafts that will allow you to 1) preserve the original and underlying intention of the content, which you identify in your post #9 and 2) craft it as an essay which will serve its purpose, in other words, as a college essay. Post #8 was great for re-focusing.
I am a big believer in cathartic writing, and I think it is of utmost importance to you personally that you address what you went through in all its honesty and all its pain. But be clear, you are in charge now of what you write, how you express it, and for whom. You can always take the writing later in multiple directions which serve different purposes. For this task, think about what experience you want to communicate and how to project youself in an appplication.
Good on you for taking on the recommended feedback.
Sometimes working and being too close to a potential essay topic is like getting no sleep the night prior. True, you can still function at school, but your judgment and objectivity may be impaired.
It’s a nice lesson to run an idea by the posters here before committing to an essay topic.
Catharsis is great. write the essay you originally wanted. Then edit and edit. By the end, you will have an aporopriate introduction to who you are, and get it out if your system (for now).
MIT had 8 suicides this year, if you apply to MIT, I’m sure they are careful NOT to admit one more to the statistics. If you get my drift, most colleges do the same. Rigorous course load in a brand new environment away from the support of mom and dad is a lot of stress for lots of students. It’s not a plus to even admit you, a student who are prone to depression.
wow! i really really appreciate all of the feedback I’ve received from everyone @DrGoogle@GMTplus7@HRSMom@UCLAalumPro@momcinco I don’t think I really understood the magnitude of the impact mentioning something like this in a college essay could leave, but I do know now that’s a pretty bad idea thanks to all of you.
I’m currently working on resculpting my essay to have it really only focus on my positives.
Also, I know this might be a long shot, but would any of you feedback providers be willing to read my essay (at least when I’m done with this draft)? I also understand that most of you probably live incredibly busy lives and it’s completely fine if you don’t have the time, but just a quick glance to let me know if it’s still too heavy/seems too superficial/overedited/whatever would be really appreciated!
I’d also appreciate any other opinions etc. I’ll always take the help
