suitemate issue

<p>Im moving into my dorm in 2 weeks and it is suite style with 4 singles connected to a shared kitchen, living room, and 2 bathrooms. we got our suite mates a few days ago, there are 4 of us, and i have already contacted 2 of them. we are all kind of worried because we have not been able to contact our last suite mate and it is sort of an issue although not a major one because we wanted to figure out what all needs to be bought so nobody brings what the others have already got. the 3 of us have already decided who will bring what and on my side of the suite i share a bathroom with one girl. me and her have already decided on who will bring what for our bathroom but it seems a bit unfair that our other suite mate cannot get in contact with the other girl to figure out what to bring for the bathroom and may end up having to buy everything because she doesn't know what the other girl is buying. also the 3 of us wanted to have a group talk about ground rules and have already discussed them together but not with the other girl. we also want to decorate our living room but we cannot decide on anything or buy anything because we have to wait for the other girl to respond to our emails. we just are not sure what to do now.</p>

<p>There is no telling what is going on, but I am wondering if you will have a fourth suitemate- with her not responding at all. You don’t know if she will show up or not, but be prepared for the possibility. Also, try not to form a three person bond too tightly. Give her a chance. You don’t know what is going on, and I hope it isn’t bad, but there is the possibility of illness in the family or other stressor that is occupying her time. </p>

<p>While it doesn’t seem fair for one room mate to buy everything, one of the main reasons to share larger items is also to save space. It may not seem fair for one room mate to buy more, but in the long run, whoever buys something gets to keep it. Chances are that all of you will move off campus or move in with others, and what you buy, you will take with you. All of you can bring personal items. and you can always pick up more items together after you move in. </p>

<p>It isn’t ideal to not be in contact, but you will just have to wait it out. For the bathroom, it seems that each of you would bring personal items, towels, bathmats and so on- things that aren’t shared. The room mate can also buy things and not open them- keep receipts, and then return them if the room mate shows up with the same thing.</p>

<p>by bathroom things we mean like a toilet seat cover, rug, shower curtain, liner and rings, trash can, toilet paper, plunger, toilet brush. but thank you for the suggestion of saving a receipt.</p>

<p>i was thinking of sending her another email and just tell her what all of us have talked about so far. would that be a good idea? or should we wait until she responds to talk as a group?</p>

<p>You do realize she could be on a camping trip or family vacation without regular internet access? Calm down a bit. Think about how you might feel if you were her if you joined in a bit late, whatever the reason, and felt like your suitemates were excluding you. Buy what you like, because you like it, and be open minded toward everyone else’s likes as well. It’s not as if the sun would cease to rise if everything didn’t match perfectly, or that everything needs to be chosen before you move in .</p>

<p>You can start school, or go all the way through without a toilet seat cover and certainly you can wait until you get there to decide on a toilet brush…my own D will be out of the country for almost 2 weeks soon and will have NO internet access at all. Her sister routinely goes camping/kayaking/climbing without such access. It’s unusual in every day life for your generation but it’s likely she just isn’t online right now. After only a “few days” it wouldn’t even cross my mind to think that something is wrong.</p>

<p>we are not trying to match each other but we don’t want to buy anything and then have her hate it and upset that we didn’t consult her before buying stuff for the shared living room or bathroom. and its really just that once we get there and welcome week starts then class start it would be inconvenient to start doing all that shopping then although we will if we have to. it would be unfair to her if all of us decided on decorations and then she came in feeling left out of the decisions and resenting us.</p>

<p>@lilzz18‌ I really believe you are overthinking this…a lot! Just the use of the word “issue” makes it…well, an issue! Keep the purchases neutral colors in her bathroom…and I cannot believe anyone would care about toilet paper, toilet brushes, plungers, or trash cans! If you end up with duplicates you can return or sell them to someone who hasn’t purchased them yet.</p>

<p>well besides buying things do you think it would be a good idea to send her emails every time we have group discussions so she knows what we have talked about and what rules we have set or should we just wait until we move in and talk about them all in person? and its not really a big issue i just didn’t know what word to use. it was just something we were concerned about because it puts sort of a damper on our plans because we were all so excited to talk to each other and make dorm plans and then realized we couldn’t because the other girl hadn’t responded to our emails yet.</p>

<p>You guys can easily wait for her to be present when you guys decide rules. You should not email her the set of rules you guys have decided on. That is excluding her in the process. </p>

<p>Wait. </p>

<p>You could wait and just bring a bathmat in a neutral color. You would need more than one as they need to be washed- like towels- and so if she brings one too, then great. I bought my kids the scrubbly bubbly disposable things with the wand to clean the toilet, and since all but the wand is disposable, you could both chip in to buy more. The plunger- well she can borrow yours at first as I hope it isn’t needed too often. </p>

<p>Most shower curtains need a liner, so you can use one until you decide on a decorative curtains. I found rings at TJMaxx for about $5- so you can buy some and keep the receipt. </p>

<p>So, the one roomate can have a functional bathroom to start- a bath mat, toilet cleaner, shower liner and rings for not too much money- and this is something that will be used regardless of decor or who buys what. I wouldn’t sweat the rest until you meet the room mate and can decide together. </p>

<p>If one of you has a car- then you can all run out to Target or BB&B or Walmart and pick out stuff. If not, all those places, will ship to your dorm and I think it is free for over $50. </p>

<p>Wait to make your “rules”, and sit around talking in person-it’s something a lot of kids don’t do these days but it’s really the best way to get a bead on how a person really feels about something. You say this is not a big issue but you’re MAKING it one by trying to get every detail nailed down before you even meet these people in person. JUST WAIT.</p>

<p>I’m kind of surprised that the bathroom doesn’t come with a generic shower curtain,plunger and wastebasket. My DS’s bathroom does. I assume it’s because they don’t want maintenance called for toilet issues, they don’t want at lot of water on the floor and they want the trash picked up… As long as there is toilet paper the rest can wait. </p>

<p>I would wait and see what comes with the bathroom if anything. Amazon.com delivers to your door or you can all make a Bed Bath and Beyond run if necessary. Also sometimes suitemates get moved around so don’t worry too much.</p>

<p>It is most likely that you will find time the first few days or the first weekend to go shopping all together. That would be the most enjoyable way to buy things for the shared space anyway, after you have taken time in the space to really decide what you all want. Give it time…no big emergency if you don’t have everything right away!</p>

<p>the last girl finally responded so we have been able to decide on what to buy.</p>