<p>My D was moved to a new room over break due to mechanical problems at her dorm....which could not be fixed. She was excited to get a new group to make friends with, had a great attitude through all the work of moving. Then hell set in. This group, 3 other girls drink every night, partying late into the night during school week and it gets more ridiculous on the weekend.....with afterparties in their room, screaming & yelling until 5 a.m. </p>
<p>She is wondering if there are any people in college that don't drink and who like to hang out playing games or watching favorite movies like back home. </p>
<p>Up to now she has been very nice and courteous to her suitemates even in light of the binge drinking and out of control behavior. She has told them she does not drink but is ok if others do....but she is not ok with the hours and disruption every single night. She can't study and has a very hard semester.</p>
<p>I don't want her to be a door mat for the others but evidently they ran off the last girl that lived in her room. She thinks that she and that girl would have gotten along well.....so how would you advise your d to handle this situation.</p>
<p>btw, they openly keep bottles of liquor in their rooms and yes all are underage.</p>
<p>She needs to talk to the girls. Explain that she is fine with their partying but that she needs to sleep and study. They need to tone it down on the noise levels. If that doesn't work she needs to talk to the RA. Explain that this isn't a good fit for her and see what can be done. Unfortunately, lots of kids in college openly keep bottles in their rooms and are underage. What is a problem is that they are disrupting her ability to study and sleep.</p>
<p>I agree with ebeeee. Also, wouldn't 'tell' on the girls having bottles in their rooms. This is not in her room, correct?- she's living in a single?</p>
<p>They have to know that they are keeping people awake if they are partying until 5AM. Maybe she could talk to them one more time and time limits could be set. If not, Hello RA. There is a reason there was an opening in that suite and it may be time for the RA to deal with it.</p>
<p>It doesn't seem the daughter has much invested in the room, so why should she be at the center of this storm? This is how these girls live and clearly how that want to live. This would not be a friendly environment if she makes a big fuss. She won't win.</p>
<p>My whole hall acted like that freshmen year! You find people you have something in common with and move as soon as allowed.</p>
<p>ceebrown, I understand your point...what I am saying is that the RA should take charge of this situation. If the RA does not then go to the RD (Resident Director). Moving to another room will create the same situation for the person who is stuck there (similar to what the OPs daughter is now dealing with).<br>
These kids are in college..they need to stand up for themselves and say "look party all you want, but I need my sleep."<br>
It is past time for the RA to deal with it. Perhaps the other student didn't let someone know of the issues...</p>
<p>she should talk to her RA. if it has gotten out of control, her RA is her best resource. she could even approach it as someone besides her suitemates if she's worried about getting them in trouble.</p>
<p>She should just tell the RA in no uncertain terms that she needs to move. If not, she can just threaten to call the police on the RA for "supervising illegal activity". </p>
<p>Seriously, there is no reason why she should have to stay in such a situation (even as illegal acts are being committed. ;))</p>
<p>I agree about needing to move. She won't win. What would be a compromise, that they party until 3am? She won't be happy there, and should not need to put up with this. I would either do as mini suggests, and if that does not work (ie: the you need to work it out speech), I would take myself right over to housing.</p>
<p>Atlmom, it sounds like hell to me, too. I agree completely with mini. I would advise my kids to go to the RA and insist on a new room. If that went nowhere, I'd suggest they talk to the head of residential life, or whatever it is called at your daughter's school. </p>
<p>Nobody should be expected to put up with a situation that makes it difficult to attend to studies. That is what you and your daughter are paying for.</p>
<p>Staying where she is puts her at risk. There were more than 70,000 campus rapes last year, and 600,000 sexual assaults. The majority were associated with alcohol use - NOT by the victim, but by the perpetrator. </p>
<p>I wouldn't care in the least what the RA does, that's the school's problem, not your d's- if she wants out, she should get out. What's the potential compromise - that they party til 2 rather than 3?</p>
<p>Given the party attitude of these suitemates, it's not surprising a space was available with them. </p>
<p>I personally would skip speaking with them. They know exactly what they are doing and at this point know your D has no desire to join them. </p>
<p>She should go directly to the RA, tell her she has a week to get this resolved to your D's satisfaction, and then she's going to housing and any type of student judicial board that exists at her school. (I would assume the RA's job could be at risk here as well.)</p>
<p>It may seem harsh, but if she is not satisfied at that point, I would recommend calling the campus police. The girls are breaking the law. Your daughter is there while this happens. If she does NOT report it, and have a paper trail, the suitemates problems can become hers.</p>
<p>rrha
I agree with everything you said, with 1 exception. When OP's D talks to RA, she needs to find out what the RA did all last semester. If RA was ineffective then, the OP's D should let her know she's going straight to housing dept. Giving the RA a week is far too long, given the probability that these girls had same pattern first semester.</p>
<p>Atlmom - first of all, no matter what you advise your daughter to do, you have my heartfelt sympathy. I can't imagine how stressful this is for you. I would want to march into the room and shake some sense into these girls. Unfortunately, we are only on the sidelines and are left to encourage our own DDs to take some kind of action. </p>
<p>I agree with those who say the other girls will not change and your daughter needs to go up the chain of command to try and be reassigned and to document the other girls flagrant disregard for the rules.</p>
<p>Is it possible for her to talk to the other roommate? Is she still on campus? It would probably help to find out what transpired the first semester. </p>
<p>Good luck and keep us informed. I am sure you are having some sleepless nights yourself.</p>
<p>Here's a vote for moving. Your D needs a place where she can succeed at what she came to college for - which requires a certain amount of sleep and study, and is not an unreasonable request at all. I do believe that a mild request or complaint is going to get ignored, or met with some vague reassurances, so she will need to be definite and assertive. Don't go to the RA and complain; go to the RA and tell her that a new room is needed, and ask how she (OP's d) can make it happen sooner rather than later. And if she doesn't get an immediate answer she likes, she needs to go up the ladder. The longer she waits, the easier it will be for everyone to just advise her to hang on just a bit longer.</p>
<p>If she can go in with any solutions spelled out - like, knowing of an opening elsewhere, that will help. It's not her responsibility to provide a solution to the problem, but handing them a solution will help move it along faster. If they can't move her, I would ask for a written statement acknowledging the complaint and absolving her from any fall-out from the misbehavior of her roommates.</p>
<p>If there is a dean of students separate from the housing dean, she should also make her concerns known. She does not have to accuse her roommates of breaking rules, but to let the dean know that her ability to study is seriously affected by the partying and her resultant lack of sleep. She also needs to discuss the issue with the RA (and mention that she is in touch with the dean of students). This will make it less likely that the RA will brush her off. As well, she should not couch the issue as a breach of rules (and law) by her roommates, but as her own needs to be able to sleep and study.</p>
<p>Thanks for the great advice and it seems to be a consensus to move. I suggested she forget the RA who seems to do nothing anyway and go straight to the Community Director whom I am sure KNOWS why the last girl left. She can kick out these girls for drinking as it is against University policy but I would rather she find my D a suitable housing. I told my D I would be happy to come help move her next weekend (mlk weekend) if there was a space open.</p>
<p>Certainly, people hear what is going on and turn a deaf ear. Howevery if you are IN THE SUITE you can't . She uses ear plugs and an a/c on neutral to try to drown it out. They are just very very loud. no respect for anyone.</p>
<p>They act all nice to her during the day and pleasant but.....their actions show total lack of respect. I do feel like shaking them.</p>
<p>The first thing your daughter will probably be asked is whether she's asked her roommates not to be so loud after xx o'clock. If she hasn't specifically told them that they are keeping her from sleeping with their behavior, that will probably be the first suggestion. (I couldn't tell from your original post if she's said anything beyond the initial stuff that she was OK with others drinking, but not OK if it kept her from sleeping)....specific examples would be good. I would not advocate the "ultimatum" approach....there's probably no good that could come of that.</p>
<p>I agree that she should try to get moved elsewhere, I'm just saying that the what-have-you-tried-to-do-to-work-it-out question will probably be first. In the meantime, if she has an IPOD, I'd suggest music that she can sleep to---may be a bit more effective than what she's trying now. When I was a jr and sr and living in a rowdy house (by choice), I learned the fine art of sleeping with a pillow smashed against both ears. </p>
<p>Best of luck with you D---I hope she gets a better environment soon!!!</p>