Btw, would suspension be mentioned in attendance records? Or would I just be marked as excused absent…
Honestly, it isnt clear your current school even records attendance like that. Ours did not. If the principal said he wouldnt volunteer the information, it won’t come up.
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Private schools do not depend upon recorded attendance to receive funding the way public schools do; hence less incentive to record it to begin with.
Also: prep schools know that teenagers do dumb things. Kids at all these schools have done the sort of thing you did. While of course it isn’t ideal, rest assured that this is not wildly out of bounds or something the schools haven’t seen. Worrying about it changes nothing, so do your best to accept what is. You might also speak with your parents for reassurance.
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I’m also in the don’t worry about it camp.
BTW, I have colleagues who study school discipline and the administrative data often aren’t very good unless you are talking expulsion. Schools themselves often don’t record it very well.
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Thank you everyone for the assurance. I’m just a bit anxious since I’ve had really high hopes and put in immense effort only for everything to be potentially ruined by that bad choice (especially considering how selective these schools are).
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Hi - I do not have any advice, but a few of our applications (all top ranked schools) asked about any disciplinary actions and I think some mentioned that they be informed if there were any changes. I think this appeared in the parent sections. Sorry that I do not remember which ones I saw it in, but perhaps your parent/guardian has a copy of what they signed per school.
It’s not the “missed on day” that might be the issue, but rather the nature of the applicant’s involvement in “offensive”/sexual joke that might be a problem.
There have been colleges that have rescinded acceptances based on such things, so it would not be impossible to think that a prep school might also rescind an offer if they become aware of such behavior.
Not knowing the details, neither of us can assess whether it’s an issue or non-issue. It is no longer 2020; final transcripts will be required everywhere.
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Hopefully the only evidence of what you were associated with is at the school.
I advise you to avoid any hint of questionable behavior online.
Applying to college is based on a high school transcript; this is a kid of 13 or 14 applying to high school with a middle school transcript. Plenty of kids from our private school had far worse things on their middle school transcripts and were still admitted to the HADES schools, all prior to 2020.
Things happen. Kids grow up. And while I realize some schools may feel some urge to volunteer the information, many private schools would not, and would be delighted to have the kid well placed at another prep school. Perspective, please- it was a sexual joke, I believe, the boy isnt an ISIS terrorist. If it were serious, the suspension would have been for a week. Playground scuffles resulted in 1 day suspension at our school.
Final middle school transcripts vary greatly in content. Ours wouldnt list attendance or disciplinary action or anything other than final grades for years 6, 7, and 8, as determined by the school. That’s it.
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I would disagree with this not being a problem. Obviously the latter is a problem, but I think the former would deter a school from accepting a kid. A sexual comment joke or not is completely unacceptable in my opinion. Many middle school boys make these jokes but plenty do not. I would not want a kid that makes sexual jokes living in a school with my kid. It’s one thing if it’s just class, but at a boarding school that’s a big no no. Sexual harassment is one of the worst things that commonly happens in middle schools. This kid is going to be away from home - we have to think about that also. I would not feel comfortable sending my son away if he had gotten suspended over a sexual joke. Most public schools (in my area at least) would just give a slap on the wrist. A detention at most. Suspension is another level.
If elite boarding schools are accepting kids who get in trouble for things of a sexual nature, maybe we should consider there is a big problem with the admissions process as a whole. 10% acceptance rate and you’re accepting kids who get suspended for making someone feel that uncomfortable? You seriously couldn’t find a kid with good grades, sports, music, etc who is a good person that raises others up? Do better. The problem starts with the adults and the system.
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I agree with this and feel that the suspension is an appropriate punishment. I do not think the kid’s whole future should be ruined over it, but I hope that enacting the appropriate punishment has demonstrated to the OP that this is a serious matter and that he needs to step up. I hope he has sincerely learned his lesson and, if so, wish him well and continued personal growth. But I also don’t feel that the seriousness of it should be downplayed.
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I stand behind this. People say stupid stuff they don’t mean and regret. Especially in middle school. I did it. It is not fair to downplay it. I have no doubt OP is a good kid and will figure it out. If you’re wondering if you would get rescinded for disciplinary reasons at a PUBLIC school, maybe that’s another conversation to have- private schools don’t just give a slap on the wrist like public schools do.
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A “sexual joke” can be very hurtful to other people.
Depending on the nature of the joke, and OP’s involvement it may or may not be an issue. It may point to some other aspects of OP’s personality or character that may not be in line with the school’s desired image of an “inclusive community where all people feel safe, supported, welcomed and celebrated.”
AO’s aren’t just looking for people that will positively contribute to their community. They don’t want to have creepy students around anymore than they want automatons.
What is iffy behavior when living at home can blossom into full on BAD once away at boarding school. Like, joking about sexual assault can devolve to actual sexual assault. And yes, BAD things can happen at boarding school.
And just because you are joking in Snapchat (or whatever the kids are using now) doesn’t mean that there isn’t a frenemy screenshotting. The older sibling of one of my kid’s former classmates found out about that the hard way - one really stupid post on Snapchat that someone screenshotted and forwarded, and the college rescinded their acceptance and athletic scholarship.
Again, lacking details, all any of us can say is, “it depends”. None of us know what OP’s school’s official end of year transcript includes.
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And I think we’ll need to leave it at that. Closing. No point in belaboring.
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