Taking another medical leave...

Parents Forum
1

Hi,
I’m a junior biology major in a small, lesser-known liberal arts college. I live a few hours flight away from home. I have done very well in school so far, and I was lucky to do several wonderful summer internships. However, in the midst of all of this, I took two medical leaves primarily due to mental health issues of depression and anxiety. As a result, I am already set back by one year. I came back to school for the spring semester because my school was generous enough to roll my tuition over, but I am simply not able to cope. My depression is making me feel lethargic day after day, and I am not able to sleep through the night. This cycle of not sleeping in addition to severe migraines is making this semester so difficult to handle. My parents (although they don’t understand my mental health issues) have always been so kind, patient, and supportive of me and whatever decisions I make. This is making me feel even guiltier when I have to burden them with my problems over and over and over again. I’ve tried practically everything from therapy to medications to cognitive behavioral therapy—nothing seems to be working. I work out at least four times a week and I eat well-balanced, nutritious meals.

My parents want me to try to get through this semester and then transfer closer to home, but I’m really not able to handle it. I am absolutely miserable here, and I can’t imagine spending another three months in this college. I know three months is not a long time in the grand scheme of things, but everyday is becoming literal torture for me. My original plan was to go to medical school, but I no longer see this as a possible prospect because of all of these issues I am dealing with. No medical school will want to take a student who is not strong enough to handle the intense and demanding course load, not to mention emotional load, that a career in medicine requires. I hate to be giving up on my dreams, and I really don’t want to. I just want to get better. When I’m healthy and mentally strong, I know I can and will be able to handle anything—I’m just not there right now. I feel embarrassed that so many of my peers that I graduated with in high school are all doing so well and moving on with their lives, while I am stuck in the same rut.

I’m 20 years old, and I should be independent and strong on my own, but I keep on having to fall back on my parents for help.

What should I do….? If any parents are out there, please make suggestions. How would you as a parent feel if you were dealing with my situation? Maybe I wasn’t ready for college after all.

2

If one of my children were going through what you’re going through, I’d want her to come home.

3

Priority 1: heal, both physically and mentally.
Priority 2: anything else.

Don’t waste time feeling guilty – you have lots on your plate already with getting healthy. There’s a million possibilities for you, and your bright future will still be in front of you, as long as you make getting well your Job One.

Please see a neurologist about your migraines when you get home. There are lots of treatment options, and they can talk with you about diet/exercise to work with any medical intervention you may need.

Recognizing that you have a problem before things spiral out of control is admirable! You are doing the right thing.

Keep up the good work, and hugs to you!!

p.s. As a parent, I would be very proud of my kid for having the courage and strength to know to take care of themself. You are awesome. And I wouldn’t say you aren’t ready for college, but rather that health issues that have emerged have prevented you from going on a linear path. Just like if you had any chronic/emergent illness.

4

You need to take care of yourself before you worry about finishing school. If school is contributing to your negative mental condition, then don’t worry about it and focus on getting treatment and building a life that you can sustain and eventually even enjoy. Best, best, best to you, @heyitsme1234

5

I wish my son had come home early in last semester instead of trying to tough it out. I lost all the money for the semester and he is home now. Had he come home, we could have made a better plan. Maybe he’d still be off this semester, but…

Please tell your parents what you have said here. Your emotional well being is more important than staying in school.

6

There are plenty of successful doctors who have struggled with depression at one time or another.

Take a step back. You do not need to decide your entire life in the next two days.

If you don’t think you can cope being so far from home this semester, make an appointment with a dean on Monday, and then make an appointment with the bursar (someone in the billing department). Find out if you can get a refund for any of the fees already paid for this semester; find out if you can take W’s (withdrawals) for your courses for this semester.

Then you can put an action plan into place once you know what options you have. It is early in the semester- if you can withdraw and get a partial refund, you will be in a good place to decide if you should go home or not.

But don’t let how awful you feel right now prevent you from exploring your options.

And on medication- as I’m sure your doctors have told you, it can take a couple of different things, dosages, etc. to find something that works for you. I have a dear friend who after years of crippling depression has found the medication that works for her. She sees her doctor twice a year- goes to therapy once a week, is a successful professional in a career she loves.

There is no magic pill, but you are too young to give up on medication… you need to find something that will work for you.

Big hug. You can do this. Go find out what the academic and financial consequences of withdrawing are- and then come back and post and we can help you.

7

I do have a child who came home from college due to a mental health condition, and another one who took two medical leaves due to medical issues (including migraine).

Please please know that things can work out for you but you have to give it time. There are treatments that will help you. I am concerned because you sound a little hopeless so please know things WILL be okay.

Medication is really key and if you are one of those for whom it is difficult to find the right one, you may need to see an expert in a metropolitan or university hospital. Or even try a day program at a hospital, which has helped several young people I know.

There are many paths you can take to keep moving forward. You can work, volunteer, intern, and you can ultimately decide to return to school, go elsewhere, do college another way (community college or a p/t continuing ed program for instance, or online_ or you may even find there is some other training you want.

Right now you have to focus on getting better. That means the priority is appointments, focusing on med effects and benefits, and doing other things that help , whether a part-time job, doing yoga or Tai Chi or ultimate Frisbee, playing music, swimming, whatever works for you. Exercise and the arts can both be helpful.

If it is a medical withdrawal, you can get a refund and also have no W on your transcript, and grades can be wiped clean. I hope your parents took out tuition refund insurance because you get even more back, but no matter.

Maybe you can see a professional or have seen one who can help you with your parents.

I think it is a good idea to leave. It really is. Life isn’t the race everyone thinks it is. You WILL feel better. You need proper help and I hope that your parents can help you find it. Many of the strongest and most sensitive people I know have depression and anxiety, including many famous people, including Honest Abe Lincoln!

8

I am a parent who has experienced this with a child. Trust me that your parents would much rather you take some time off to heal rather than sink deeper into depression and anxiety. Your parents will be glad that you confided in them and that you knew enough to get help.

As an aside, I took a gap year while in college (between Junior and Senior year) . Perhaps it is something for you to consider. I spent the year working at various unconventional jobs and traveling abroad, and felt completely focused and ready to lean at the end of that year. Thereafter, I finished college and also continued on to get a doctorate degree.

Please know that things will get better. We all have low points. It is important to listen to your body and take a break when one is needed.

9

I admit, @heyitsme1234, I have no first hand experience with mental health issues but my nephew does have mental health issues and something you said jumped out at me:

“My parents want me to try to get through this semester and then transfer closer to home, but I’m really not able to handle it.”

I know my sister and her husband have pushed my nephew to get through things where he felt he couldn’t. You have acknowledged your parents have been patient and kind, so it seems you have a good support system. Is there someone, a grandparent or an aunt/ uncle, that can help support you during this period so you can explain to your parents that you can appreciate their position but don’t feel you can get through the semester? It took until the last few months for my nephew to understand that his grandparents and I are very much a part of the support system not just to his parents but to him as well.

I wish you well. Hang in there.

10

Take a medical withdrawal while it is still early in the semester. Get a refund. Ask your parents to help you. They want you alive, believe me. Focus on your mental illness. You are sick right now and need medical care. College can wait until you are healthier. If you were my child, I couldn’t get to you fast enough. 20, 25, 30, or whatever age, you need health to move on. Don’t wait, see who you need to see and do what you need to do on Monday so that you can withdraw with minimal penalty.

11

I am another parent dealing with this issue with my student. If your parents are like most, they will do anything to help you succeed and are proud that you have given it your best shot. That is all you can really do. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You have faced your illness head on and sought treatment. Nothing in life is more important than your health. School will always be there. I suspect that at times you feel like a failure. This is the not the case. You have a illness that is no different than any physical illness in the sense that it is something that happened that is beyond your control. The only difference is that mental illness is lot harder to treat and takes longer to find the right treatment than most physical illnesses. It is unfortunately that many people do not understand this.

Based on what you wrote, I would withdraw for this semester. Be very careful to follow all the rules governing this. Be aware that there could be very different set of rules for withdrawing for mental health reasons than there are for physical health reasons. Your counseling center should be able to help you.