Talk some sense into me over these first semester grades please

<p>as most of have said, i would bet the vast majority of classes are backloaded.</p>

<p>in 1 day i turned in a final paper worth 25% of my grade and took a final exam worth 30% of my final grade in a history class. I.E. I know only 45% of my grade going into the last day of class/final even though I had turned in 3 papers (10% each), taken 4 quizzes (10% combined), and had some sort of "class participation grade" (5%). Even though I had all A's and A-'s on those things I still got a B in the class. </p>

<p>Its hard to judge what your grades are when the bulk of it is a based on a 3 hour test that was taken during the most stressful time of the semester.</p>

<p>I'm amazed you even know your kid's grades. In 8 years of paying for college, we never saw any. I don't know if it's privacy law or the policy of the 2 places our kids attended, but grades were sent only to students. If they chose to share with parents, fine, but they didn't have to.
Still, I checked in by asking, "Were you satisfied with your grades?" and usually that opened up the conversation, but they were in charge of the direction of the conversation. For the BILLS, however, the college had no hesitation in mailing stuff to us.</p>

<p>we are all assuming that the son overestimated his grades...he may very well have known is grades were a bit lower and told mom a higher one in the hopes they would go up, and didn't want to deal with disappointing mom or dealng with the "talks"</p>

<p>I would almost bet you it was a simple as that</p>

<p>My oldest (graduated last June) tells me Freshman year was the year they graded very difficult. As she got older & got to know some professors she confirmed that they often pushed very hard on the freshman & graded very difficult as a means of weeding out those not able or willing to cut it at a rigorous university. Freshman year for my HS valedictorian D was abismal. She had other issues going on too - but it was very difficult & she knows many people who dropped out (well, truthfully, none actually dropped out of college, they transferred to less demanding schools). Now that she has graduated & looks back she is of the opinion that it was good to hit those freshman hard on grades. Many chose to leave. She stayed and kicked it up a notch. Those that stayed helped shape the class and set the bar for studies. Those that left were typically the ones that didn't want to work that hard. </p>

<p>Incidentally, D also tells me that she always knew exactly what her grade was in every class (well, not freshman year). It was readily available at anytime though and if she had cared to know her freshman grades, she could have easily gotten them.</p>

<p>This may not be relevant to OP's child's situation, but I think a lot of college students don't look for or use abundant resources that are often available to them, such as:</p>

<p>professors' office hours</p>

<p>writing and math help centers</p>

<p>TAs</p>

<p>informal extra class sessions</p>

<p>peer tutors</p>

<p>That said, college grades often rest on a very few performance indicia (one exam; a single long paper; etc.). It's easy to mess up and it's easy not to know where one stands/whether one has mastered the material until it is too late. Please don't be upset with your child about the miscalculations, OP. My daughter has this issue (and the lack of feedback about grades because teachers often don't give things back until after the grading period ends) even in her small high school.</p>

<p>Many college students do much better after the first year. It takes time to get the hang of it.</p>

<p>I have a daughter that is in her second year of college. Her grades in HS were always honor roll, but never really pushed herself. At college she is getting by mostly Bs with one c thrown in. I am disappointed I feel she can do better. I nag she gets mad and we get no where. The guilt trip seems to work best say little except your disappointed. However, from your post it seems your son put forth a decent effort and has probably learned from his first semester. My daughter tells me that college is more than studying she wants to experience "the whole college experience". I understand that but feel the social scene is too much of a distraction. good luck</p>

<p>I don't know my second S's grades (third year at UChicago), and I didn't ask what they were this term, just assumed he's probably doing okay. (Got a letter last spring saying he was on the dean's list, so that was reassuring). </p>

<p>But I remember that he was shocked his freshman year first quarter to get a C+ in physics at midterm (math and physics previously being easy for him in high school). He got his act together and raised his grade to an A -- started doing the problem sets for one thing. I know he has been surprised by at least some of his grades. At his school, a lot can be riding on the final or final paper, so one doesn't really know what grade they are going to get until it is all over. </p>

<p>I wouldn't worry too much about a C+. At at least one UC in CA, a kid I know (mathy/sciency kid) was told to expect to FLUNK at least one class before graduation. (Hard to swallow for high achieving kids in math and science in high school). And I think it turned out that he did flunk one class, much to his (and his parent's) chagrin. But, he got a great job after he graduated and worked for a couple of years and then took some time off to travel. He is now at graduate school at Dartmouth.</p>

<p>


Wow..our kids are <em>really</em> different! My son wanted me to have access to his online site at his school and, if he's not in the proximity of a computer, will call me and say, "Hey Mom, can you go and check if my ________ grade is in?" <em>lol</em> He would never dream of not sharing his grades with his dad or me.....I've never had occasion or reason to ask about them. </p>

<p>~berurah</p>

<p>^^same here, I have access to everything online, although, I do not check grades - I wait for D to come tell me, which she always does, plus, she brings them up to me throughout the semester ("I am sure this will be an A and this will be an A so I need to make sure this one is no less than a B although the class is harder")...etc.</p>

<p>But then, it might just be a "numbers" thing - we are a sort of numbers oriented family, might have its roots in athletics, etc., but, I've always told her "you HAVE to know your numbers" regardless of if we're talking about bank balances or interest rates or credit scores of athletic achievements etc. Other families may be more "big picture" oriented and less focused on the minuteau.</p>

<p>My rule is: If I'm paying for the school (which I am),then I am entitled to see my son' grades. My son has no issue with this - and has been happy to share grades (he's done well though).
We have a bit of the opposite problem regarding grades. S is doing very well, at a large State U with honors and reg courses. He reports it's easier and less stressful than high school - English papers and advanced math (even honors level) are a breeze. He pushed himself hard in high school - did well with over 8 tough AP classes and very demanding teachers. What's the problem? None- really. But many of our family members and friends think he's going to a school that's too "easy" for him (and to them, his recent GPA seems to "prove" this theory). I find this is a common perception for public schools, even the better ones. Glad to see a couple of posts that this isn't always true.
Regarding the OP's situation, I had a terrible first semester at my college ( a big public). My first paper came back with a D-! Things got MUCH better as I adjusted. That included attending all classes and developing good study habits. I coasted through high school with As and my first semester was a real shock to my system! In most cases, things DO get better.</p>

<p>

This is exactly how it works here. I have no reason to check them. He discusses them with us first. Occasionally, if he's...say...on the trip home and wants to see if a grade came in, he'll ASK me to check for him, and then I will.</p>

<p>^^Exactly, B, it's not a "control" thing, but rather a voluntary sharing of information and "what do you think" sort of discussion that seems to evolve naturally out of a supportive parent-child relationship.</p>

<p>Mine used to actually ask me to help calculate cumm gpa, but, I told her it was completely impossible since I do not know how the various credit hours work out, etc.</p>

<p>^^My son is WAY more perfectionistic concerning his grades than <em>I</em> am. <em>lol</em> <em>I</em> am the one he comes to when he needs an "It's <strong>O.K.</strong>!!" :) Son had one class that gave him all sorts of grief last semester, and he called and emailed me often just to vent. <em>I</em> was the one saying, "Look...if it's not an A, it's not an A...you'll LIVE!" Fortunately, he DID pull the A...and a well-deserved one, I might add! ;)</p>

<p>It would just never occur to my son to consider his grades private information. This subject has never been discussed between us, I guess because of the type of relationship we've shared for his entire life.</p>

<p>~b.</p>

<p>My kids are much like berurah's and LTS's. I don't really ever ask, but they seem to always share how they did on a test, paper or whatever. Mine also have given me their passwords so that I can check on something for them if they are tied up or don't have computer access when they want the info. It's never been discussed between us either -- guess they might feel that it is "our" financial investment so of course we would appreciate feedback.</p>

<p>Like Berurah's son, mine is the one saying that such and such grade is not good enough and beats himself up---I am the one that has to remind him in that in the greater scheme of life, this grade really doesn't matter.</p>

<p>Well, I have seen my sons' grades. Just never even thought to ask about them this year. It didn't come up. Second S has shared his grades when asked. What I've seen of my second S's grades has been fine. A's and B's. Though now you guys have me thinking I should have asked about this last quarter, and maybe I will now! But truth is, I really don't care about specifics, as long as he is doing reasonably well. It's more interesting to talk about what he has learned than about his grades. He is getting a lot from his education. I think he chose a school that suits him very well, though he is not as enamored with it as he was at the beginning. Only problem, he looks like he is headed toward a not very lucrative future after he completes his expensive undergraduate education. He is a math major, but now thinks he wants to pursue music composition. His dad just rolls his eyes at this latest development. We'll see what happens next year, I guess. I just hope he will get a job and make enough money to support himself, somehow . . . </p>

<p>My oldest is a different story-- he has been evasive about his grades -- for good reason -- his academic career has been, shall we say, somewhat "spotty." He did have reason to not want us to see them. I did see them eventually. Yikes. But, our financial investment in his education hasn't been as much -- he took the community college, transfer to state school route, and now he is still plugging away at the state school at 24 years old-- so old he is now considered "independent" -- which means he got a TON of financial aid (need based) this year, so his grades really are HIS business (problem?) now, since we're not contributing financially to his education at present. It hasn't been smooth sailing at all with him, but it looks like he may become a college graduate after all (fingers crossed) . . . Again, I just hope he can find a job after he graduates . . .</p>

<p>I expect things to be different with my daughter who'll be in college next year. She has always volunteered how she is doing in school, worries about these things more than her brothers did. I expect communication about everything to be better with her when she leaves home . . .</p>

<p>My kids are completely open about their grades too. The good, the bad, and the ugly. One son will go on and on and on about a test he is sure he has bombed. It'll turn out to be an A-. The other son, well, if he says it's bad, we can count on it, it'll be bad.</p>

<p>I could have written mkm56's post . We live there, too.</p>

<p>It's interesting the different viewpoints about grades and privacy. My S is a -6 on a scale of 1 to 10 on talkativeness/sharing/confiding. LOL. But he automatically shares his grades with us and confides if he is worried (only happened the once, really, but it was a big worry for him). Not sure why he is more forthcoming in this arena than others.</p>

<p>That said, I am of the opinion that Grade Privacy is an artificial construct created by some politically correct government bureacracy. When S first matriculated, I looked at the Privacy Release forms and told him that he certainly didn't have to sign the release for us to see his grades, but then again we certainly didn't have to fork over $$$$ in the mega-thousands for his tuition either ;). He totally understood. On the Medical Privacy Release, I feel a little differently. He signed that one, because he wanted to and because it can be a real hindrance if medical personnel can't talk to parents at all. But I told him that I wanted him to feel perfectly free to rescind it on a case-by-case basis (which he can do at least at his school) if he ever wanted to seek treatment or help for a problem he wanted to keep private.</p>

<p>Like other families, he's always shared his username/pwds for online access to everything. We don't harp on grades and we do urge him to relax re grades and let him know that we are very, very happy with a C+ in the case he experienced where he struggled but put in all of the effort. We want him to get an Education, not a Transcript. I lament that transcripts follow these kids into the job market, personally. Enough, I say.</p>

<p>I guess to put it most succinctly, my son knows that we are his biggest fans and supporters, no matter WHAT the grade! :)</p>

<p>"I guess to put it most succinctly, my son knows that we are his biggest fans and supporters, no matter WHAT the grade!"</p>

<p>Our EXACT words to ds last night! :)</p>

<p>momoffive</p>