<p>Modadunn,</p>
<p>Another angle of views, How do you let it go that seeing your son 3-sport athlete to no-sport athlete as a parent? For me we build our life around his soccer. How many years of siting on side line hot/cold weather, in or out town tournaments, camps, practices, private coaching, and injury. Now it is to the end and son is not playing. I couldn’t grip it yet. Other parents wouldn’t understand but here there are lots parents know what I am talking about? Can you share?</p>
<p>SoccerDad, I totally agree with Modadunn’s comments. Your S is going to these colleges for the education. Every D3 coach we spoke with affirmed that. I didn’t intend for my advice to be seen as playing “a trump” card. My D has a passion for education and a passion for soccer so she factored both into her decision. We simply narrowed her list of schools to those where playing was a realistic option. We then asked coaches “how they saw her fitting in”. This doesn’t have to be confrontational … sometimes the fit just isn’t right. For example, my D is primarily a central defender, if a school had two freshman all conference center backs this past fall, it’s probably not a good soccer fit. So move on to the next great academic option. On the academic side I again would reinforce Modadunn; since my D is planning to be a Bio major we looked for conflicts with labs, etc.</p>
<p>SoccerDad… I will fully admit that it was disappointing to us as parents when son was cut. But, we hoped he had given it his best during try outs and by that point we knew it was not an easy battle. Still… I would by lying if I said I wasn’t hoping for a different outcome. In fact, I also factored in how great it would have been to use as excuse to go and see him play. It is hard to go from sitting on the sidelines cheering on your kid for however many years it’s been (fortunately his injuries were very few). But he is destined for great things and maybe, just maybe, the path he is on now is exactly where he is supposed to be. What I do know is that every year kids go off to play at schools specifically for the sport itself and end up hating the school and maybe losing their passion for the sport and transfer schools entirely. Our disappointment is only magnified because there is not even a club team to keep him involved and it’s even more difficult because there are DI recruited players and other DIII athletes who were not nearly as talented as son who are playing, and playing a lot, for their college teams. But the truth is… some who picked a school for sport AREN’T playing and so I want to ask… do they love the school? Because if not, theyre not happy Like I said, it’s disappointing but the bottom line is… he’s happy. He really enjoys his education and that’s why he is where he is. He has been invited to play on a very competitive club team this summer with a lot of really great players, so maybe he’ll want to do that. But maybe he won’t. In fact, the only weird note is that so many people are absolutely shocked he isn’t playing in college based on where some of his lesser competition ended up. Perhaps we made a mistake in not looking harder at where he’d fit into what was currently on the roster and what was coming in. But I don’t think so. I think it all worked out in the end. Sure, we’ll miss watching him play and had I known last spring it would be the last time I’d see him play for the glory - so to speak - it perhaps would have been more bittersweet. But I didn’t know that then and frankly, I’ve really seen him grow in all new directions this year that I couldn’t have predicted last year and so… it is what it is and we’ll see where life takes him. </p>
<p>There ya have it. It’s not about me… even if I prefer it to be for most things. 
And I really think we’ve only just begun to see where the opportunities of college are going to take our son. </p>
<p>In full disclosure, while we definitely went through quite a bit of field withdrawal this year, we still have a sophomore daughter who is playing sports as well. So in some respects, it’s nice to have this reality check this time around. She is a good player, but recruitable? Not sure. And once again, when the time comes, she will hopefully have learned it’s about the education and choose accordingly.</p>
<p>ThanksToJack,</p>
<p>About “playing a trump card”, let me give you more pictures.</p>
<p>Before we contacted the A school coach, at the middle nowhere he called my S at the dinner time. We were so delight and quickly assembled all things needed and sent it to him but indicated we were going to apply RD since a FA was essential factor to us. After few months passed by, S had a school even/admitted student to visit school but he got a cold shoulder from coach since he got enough players now and he reluctantly added more player to his roster. So playing a trump card will be like you don’t let me play I will not come. At the mean time if he accepted him S might have a miserable time like his current HS soccer season. Plus this school offers a full ride scholarship and hard to resist.</p>
<p>SD- Be real. If coach A has moved on in his recruitment you should be prepared to. No playing time has brought many D3 athletic careers to a premature end especially with challenging academics. </p>
<p>5-10K EFC is peanuts these days with 50k tuition, go for door #2.</p>
<p>Good points. Thanks</p>
<p>Just got one more school decision. It was an early write and invited him to visit school and all expenses covered by the school. I was pretty thrilled with it. However, after I looked at financial aid package, I was puzzled. This school/NESCAC has much endowment amount than the school B does but leaves me a wider gap of $10,000 direct cost. I couldn’t comprehensive.</p>
<p>This school was one of schools didn’t response at all. Should S contact the coach?</p>
<p>SoccerDad, I don’t think you can ever go wrong in contacting a coach. Especially right now, since it’s possible that some of the recruits he was hoping were admitted, might not have been. You should be able to tell by his response if his roster is full or not, and then know whether to move on. </p>
<p>If the coach at this new school (lets call it “C”) wants your son to play for him, and your son likes it more than school B, then it would be worth telling the coach the difference in the amounts you would be paying at each school. Maybe a little more money could be found at school C to match B.</p>
<p>Best wishes.</p>
<p>I agree with “pick the school, not the sport” A friend of my S was recruited soccer and played but hated the academics and social life of the school,; it wasn’t rigourous enough academically, and he is never going to be a professional soccer player, so he is transferring after 1 year. Better to keep that in mind.</p>
<p>SoccerDad – As a parent, you can advise your son and set the financial limits on his college choices, but I think it’s important to let him choose the school, including whether he would be able to play soccer there or not. Like you and many other parents of student-athletes here, our child’s sport has occupied most of our time and has been our focus for many years. As others have said, though, it’s not about us, it’s about our child and it’s about the education. Even coaches will tell you that. They do not want a player who is unhappy at the school. They’re looking for the good fit, athletically, academically, and socially.</p>
<p>My son will be playing NESCAC soccer and has a guaranteed roster spot this year, but he knows that how much he plays and what happens after this year is largely up to him. We made sure it would be a great school for him even if soccer was not in the picture any longer. There’s no limit to the number of examples of recruited student-athletes who no longer play or the reasons for it. Among my own friends, a daughter who decided after an All-American HS career that she couldn’t do well enough in her courses at a top national university if she played her sport; another whose talented multi-sport son chose between sports and a girlfriend. Not much we can do about it. In my friends’ cases, neither situation was predictable given the kids’ paths up to that point.</p>
<p>Your son definitely should contact School C 's coach and go to the special session Admissions is offering. If he really likes the school and you can afford it, it’s worth pursuing. The coach at S’s school offered a non-recruited admitted student a spot on the team last year after he saw the fellow play at camp last year, so that’s always a possibility. At his school and other NESCAC schools there are JV teams and some players can move up. Your S will have to talk to the coach.</p>
<p>Royal,</p>
<p>Thanks for your advise. My son got his first NESCAC school last Friday. We am dealing with different levels playing now. Your advised will be appreciated very much. As your saying, it is his school he will make decision. Playing soccer is important but it is a part of it. Since it was a early write we might have more coming up S did apply some last year. We will talk to coaches to see if there is a chance to walk on or a JV team. Look like everyone suggested that S should talk to coaches even they did not respond earlier that was I am getting now.</p>
<p>SD-As financial aid plays a big part in your choice consider this. Is there a student job component? If there is, then that “extra” income for your son will take a few more hours of his time each week in addition to class, study,social and sport commitments. I know our D had a job in addition to everything else,though the money really helped…</p>
<p>Okay!</p>
<p>Game is over. All decisions were released. Player is on the driver seat now. Need your input.</p>
<p>School A - Full ride with personal expense, cost me nothing but coach has cold shoulder not willing to commit a spot for him since we refused to commit ED.</p>
<p>School B - NESCAC colleges, visiting next 2 week and contacted coaches before and respond first time after acceptance. 100% Walk-On case. FA is great within range 5k to 10k out of packet.</p>
<p>School C - Coaches love having him to play. FA is great within the range 5k to 10k out of packet. Non NESCAC colleges.</p>
<p>Question : how to talk to school A or B coach if S decided to go there? What kind question to ask?</p>
<p>Like to hear the wisdom from CC. This site is really helpful.</p>
<p>You’ll need to find out from Coach A what, if any, opportunity there’ll be for S to try out and if Varsity isn’t an option for this year, what his options are. If there’s a JV team, you’ll want to know all the details re that and info re how many move up to V.</p>
<p>For the NESCAC teams, see what opportunities there are for Coach to evaluate whether S will be able to play. Upcoming one-day clinics? Camp? </p>
<p>How important is strength of team to S? NESCAC is one of top 2 DIII conferences, along with UAA. Four NESCAC teams played in NCAA championship series last season. How do the other teams/conferences compare if this matters to S?</p>
<p>If S is going to have a lot of lab courses, he’ll need to know from any coach how his academic commitments and team requirements mesh.</p>
<p>And, as everyone has said, the school as a good fit for S, with or without soccer, is the bottom line. Let us know how it goes.</p>
<p>Especially with NESCAC, find out how many slots he has available on the team. Does he even accept walk-ons? How many walk=ons have gotten places on the team and how often are they played?</p>
<p>Modadunn,</p>
<p>Correct me if it is not right. I reread all threads which were long and found out that there was a try out for your son at NESCAC.</p>
<p>My question is the most of schools I know they have pre-season training starting in Aug. If my son is a freshman and not recruited so he will not be invited. After move-in day he will have a try out to see if you fit for the team. How will S catch up with other players since U18/19 and HS reason is over. S is going to be fat and big. So try out will be after school start and S will miss pre-season camp, right?</p>
<p>“How important is strength of team to S?” It isn’t important I think. Schools in NESCAC just turned out to be few of acceptances he got and he loves these schools. </p>
<p>School(s) B have a JV and I will be happy for him playing there to keep fit. In these days LAC school treats kid too well. They need to go out do something.</p>
<p>Yes, bottom line is the school must be fit for him with or without soccer.</p>
<p>Both sports son intended to play had a period of time before “official teams” were made. But you would absolutely have to talk with the specific coach of your son’s sport. However, even though son was not recruited, he was absolutely included in all the information for the team(s), including preseason camp.</p>
<p>Sorry! I still don’t understand how try out works?</p>
<p>Does try out start before school starts/move in day or after? </p>
<p>How to initiate the try out? by invitation only or open for all students?</p>
<p>Will S be invited to preseason camp automatically if he decided to come? </p>
<p>Please help.</p>
<p>SoccerDad, </p>
<p>I think that a good idea would be for your son to figure out after his visit where he would like to go. He should, if he hasn’t done so already, contact the coach at the school he is visiting before going and set up a meeting. His questions should be about whether he has a spot and if not, how he would try out for one, and he should also ask about the team’s summer training program, what he should work on, etc.<br>
If he still prefers school A, then he should try to contact that coach again and have a frank discussion about his wishes to play and see what he needs to do to get a spot/tryout. If this is the route he takes, he should explain that the decision about not applying ED was for family financial reasons. If the coach is still not interested or not responsive, then your son can’t force him and if that is the case, is this the type of person your son would wish to play for in any event?<br>
Finally, I would also recommend that the conversations/correspondence be between your son and the coach and that you help prepare your son beforehand but not participate. In a few months your son will be at school on his own and while if he plays you may have the opportunity to interact with the coach after games or at team events if the coach encourages that sort of thing or if the coach contacts you, your son is the one who is going to have the relationship with the coach and no doubt the coach will be measuring him during their discussions and will look to see, among other things, how mature and independent he is. </p>
<p>Most importantly, congratulations to your son. It sounds like he has some good options even without soccer.</p>
<p>Also, now that I reread some of the thread, Royal73 makes a great point about camps and clinics and your son should inquire as to whether there would be an opportunity for him to attend to be evaluated.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>I think there are variations among the schools re how walk-ons and preseason are dealt with. At one top LAC that S was recruited by, no one is guaranteed a roster spot, not existing players and not top recruits. Everyone tries out. That said, there is a separate try out that existing team members and recruits attend. True walk-ons, guys who were not recruited, but are admitted and want to see if they can play, try out later, once they are at school. S was not willing to commit ED, but if he got in RD and decided to attend, the coach assured him he would be included in the preseason tryout session for recruits and current players.</p>
<p>As I mentioned before, at a NESCAC summer camp for HS players run by the coach (it’s the coach’s gig, not sponsored by the college but using college facilities), an admitted student from another part of the country who wanted to play but hadn’t been seen by the coach, attended the camp and was offered a spot on the team. For your S, the problem with this is he would already have had to commit to the school but wouldn’t know until mid-summer if he could play.</p>
<p>Do keep in mind Columbia1985’s point: it is fine for you to collect information and advice to prepare and guide your S, but it is S who should be in touch with the coaches. Every coach at the schools my S went on official visits to did meet with the parents at some point for a pretty lengthy discussion, but they definitely expect the player to take the lead.</p>
<p>Columbia85 and royal73 are giving excellent advice. I don’t know soccer, but do know a little about college recruiting- D is a current college athlete involved in the coach’s office. I empathize completely the OP’s desire to understand the process and help his son, but now is the time to step completely out of the way and let him take control of all communications. Anything less will weaken his position as a desirable recruit.</p>