Talking to Roommate

<p>I am really getting annoyed with my roommate and I'm not sure if its just me or if she is overstepping her boundaries. She started out just eating some of my food, which I was okay with, but since then she has been sort of mooching and taking advantage of me. She bought the wrong version of her Calculus textbook, and I'm in her class so she hasn't bought a new one the whole semester and always asks to borrow mine. She talks to her boyfriend at 12:30 at night on the phone when I'm trying to sleep (and text messages with her phone not on silent) and on a web-cam while I'm in the room which is both extremely annoying and awkward. She sleeps until about 11:00 so I try to stay quiet/out of the room until then but she always talks on the phone and plays music when I am trying to sleep/ The other day she didn't do her laundry and ran out of underwear and asked to borrow a pair so I just gave her a pair of mine. Her boyfriend has visited for two weekends and each weekend I left the room for two nights/two days. When my brother visited, he and I slept in the tv room as a courtesy to her. I don't want to completely destroy our relationship but I feel like I am being taking advantage of. thoughts? I'm really bad at confrontation and a bit nervous about talking to her...</p>

<p>You are definitely being taken advantage of and it is going to continue as long as allow it. I would have a heart to heart with your roommate and let and in a kind way let her know what things are bothering you. She is probably so self absorbed that she doesn't even have a clue. Or she may think that you are okay with the way she has been acting since you haven't given her any cause to think differently. If you don't feel comfortable approaching her, talk to your RA. She may be able to run interference for you. Your roommate may be mad at you but in the long run this could make your relationship better as you already resent her. Good luck!</p>

<p>You're being used and abused...</p>

<p>Speak up for yourself. I did with one of my roommates and things were ackward for a week or so but then she got over it. We are good friends but I've just concluded that I can't live with her. This past week I caught her using my $60 face lotion for her hands and I was like "WHAT?!?!" and I yelled at her and she was like, "Oh, I didn't know." I was like, "Um... I don't care. You shouldn't be using my stuff." Then we went out and had a ton of fun that night. I am not living with her next semester however.</p>

<p>I agree with M'sMom in that you are being taken advantage of and the theory your roommate may not realize that you resent her eating your food, making noise late at night, having her boyfriend over, etc. She may think it's perfectly O.K., since you are roommates and she may think she's your best buddy and you don't mind! You need to set things straight. Otherwise, you will come to resent her (and she will come to resent you for letting her think this way for so long!)</p>

<p>go see your RA. NOT to have the RA fix things for you, but to help you figure out an approach that lets you stand up for yourself. Your RA has received training in resolving roomate issues, and the training usually centers about teaching the roomates how to resolve things on their own. Your RA can help you figure out how to handle the conversation, role-play it with you, etc. </p>

<p>It doesn't seem like it now, but I think that a year or two down the road you'll see this as a good thing. College is for more than just the classes you take, one purpose is providing a transition between childhood where you have adults to set boundaries and referee things into the adult world. And life is nice enough in your case to provide you with a chance right now to learn/improve your skills at resolving disputes. You say you're bad at confrontation but you say it like its an immutable fact like eye color or something. It's not. It's a skill you can improve, and your RA can help you do so. The discomfort you feel now about confronting her is a price well worth paying for the chance to practice handling problems. I guarantee you that on the job, with your spouse, and in your community there will continue to be times when you feel taken advantage of, and learning techniques for handling these situations will pay off time and again.</p>

<p>i'd definitely talk to her about it. Like with the webcam, ask her to ask you if it's ok first, and if she puts it on while you're out of the room to tell you when you come back in. That's what my roommates and i have done the past two years, and there's been no problems. It's possible she honestly doesn't realize it's bothering you. And if talking to her doesn't work, go to the RA and see if they have any suggestions on what to do next.</p>

<p>just tell her politely to stop being so annoying. if that doesn't work, then go to your RA. worst comes to worst, if all else fails, just switch to another room.</p>

<p>The underwear...that would have been my breaking point. Talk to her. Most of those things can be resolved by just having a short sit-down with her. Tell her she has to clear it with you if she's going to borrow your textbooks, use her web cam while you're in the room, and have her boyfriend visit. For things like being on the phone or playing music while you're sleeping, just say "It bothers me, and it has to stop. I don't do those things when you're sleeping." Don't be mean, just be firm and clear with your stance on these things. As far as staying or leaving the room with guests, tell her that if she and her boyfriend have to hang out and sleep in your shared room, AND NOTHING ELSE. If they insist on doing "more", then they have to be the ones to relocate for it. When either of you have family visit, I say let the visitor sleep in the TV room, but you can stay in your bed. If you want to stay up late to talk, talk in the tv room and then you go back to your room when you want to sleep. And the next time she says she's out of clean underwear, there's a one word answer you can give her: tough!</p>

<p>"relationship" well ypu don't have one../you are an annoyance in "her room", and she does not care one iota about your feelings...she passive aggressive and until you set your boundaries she will continue to be rude and obnoxious</p>

<p>people know when they are being bratty, even 5 year olds, the roommate knows full well what she is doing is rude, but doesn't really care</p>