<p>My son is in Tango Co (the company for those who want to leave) - Plebe summer, USNA, having some ethical dilemmas with being in the Navy. Has anyone experienced this or have advice? We are not sure what to do. Our 30 min phone calls are not terribly informative (only had 1 so far). We are encouraging him to finish the summer and then at least the first year. We have traded some emails with his detailer. We are pretty much sick about it right now and looking for any feedback as to how we can help our son not turn down this amazing opportunity. A year ago, it was the ONLY place he wanted to be.</p>
<p>UberMor</p>
<p>Sent you a pm. Take care.</p>
<p>While I have not walked in those shoes, I can just imagine how difficult this can be. USNA can be a culture shock for some for sure. </p>
<p>What I can tell you is that your son will meet with the Chaplains as well as other members of the officer corps to discuss this. In the meantime, Tango will take some of the immediate pressure off him so he can sort things out. Many who enter Tango end up staying the course- they may get moved to another company in the process so they can start with a clean slate, but the important thing is that it is a door open to them.</p>
<p>Others will decide this is not for them, but it will not be for lack of counseling and support from many avenues. If he does decide to come home, while it will be a disappointment for others, please remember it is a decision that has not come easily, but will require the understanding and support from you. USNA is not for everyone, and that in no way diminishes your son in any way.</p>
<p>One thing you might want to consider is setting the goalpost closer- perhaps making it to the changeover of the cadre. Once there, focusing on PPW. Then focusing on the end of plebe summer. Reform. The start of classes. Just smaller objectives towards the goal.</p>
<p>In the end, the decision has to be his. He is the one going through this, and this is his life to live. As much as we sometimes “want” for our kids, it is they that have to want what they have. He will find his way, whether at USNA or elsewhere.</p>
<p>UberMor: My heart goes out to you and your son. I am saying a prayer for you. Hang in there.</p>
<p>My daughter is on the way to Tango company are you getting any information on how good is the counseling that is offered there.
My husband and I are very upset about this situation, our daughter worked so hard for this and it will be gone i think in 10 days after they join Tango.
If there is any info you can share please do.</p>
<p>gonzx5 and UberMor-</p>
<p>I have sent you PM’s. Take good care.</p>
<p>The counseling AVAILABLE in Tango company is very good. Whether your daughter chooses to avail herself of it, however, is a different matter. She may speak to clergy, to her parents, to others about remaining . . . BUT, if she has made up her mind to leave, then the counsel of others will fall only upon deaf ears. AND, unfortunately, nobody will try to talk her into staying but, rather, only help her to see if this is something she wants. Ultimately, it is a decision only she can make. [And young people can be terribly short-sighted.]</p>
<p>There is promise. One of my son’s better friends [class of ‘09] came to hhis graduating company from Tango company. His original company simply wasnt’ a fit; fortunately, he was able to recognize that it wasn’t a fit and did something about it, he re-entered to a different company and ended up graduating w/ distinction.</p>
<p>It CAN work, but your son/daughter is the one who has to want it to work out.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>Thank you for your kind words, we are praying for our daughter. And we hope after she worked so hard for this she comes to the realization that she is making a mistake, thanks again.</p>
<p>Sent PM. Take care.</p>
<p>gonzx5,
Sorry to hear about your daughter’s situation, but she may reconsider her thoughts about leaving once she gets to Tango and considers her options. You’re getting sound advice on this forum from parents of grads and current mids. Granted, plebe summer is extremely challenging, but not impossible because over 3,000 females have graduated from USNA in addition to tens of thousands of male midshipmen. Sometimes during the summer I think plebes start fantasizing about the colleges they declined offers of acceptance; thinking they can quit Navy and try to get into the colleges they were admitted to. I think that’s faulty reasoning that may or may not work out, and they would regret later.</p>
<p>You may have already asked your daughter if she has a plan if she decides to leave USNA. At this point I would be loving and supportive but give her some tough love as well. For example you might say, “If you decide to leave we will expect you to get a full-time job and attend community college for a couple of years, then reapply to four-year schools if you still want at that point. Maybe you’d learn a trade at community college and would end your schooling at that point.” I don’t want to sound too harsh, but USNA is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Tell her that the academic year is much better. Bill’s idea is good too. If she decides to stay, request to be put in another company.</p>
<p>Good Luck!</p>
<p>And I PM’d you both.</p>
<p>Not so sure this is a time for some “tough love-”
I suspect things are tough enough.</p>
<p>There was a time those entering Tango were tango’ed right out. No counseling, no guidance, no nothing- just pack your bags while the paperwork gets processed, and right out Gate 3 you go.</p>
<p>Not so anymore.
Your plebe will be separated out from the rest of the class- well, not totally separated, but more like out on the periphery. They will sit at a separate table in King Hall, off in a different section, and screened from the rest of the group. They will live in a separate wing in Bancroft. They will still dress, still report, but other than that, they will be excused from the other usual plebe activities.</p>
<p>The whole point of Tango is to give them a break from the (perceived) pressure cooker they have been experiencing. There will be no yelling, no demands other than very basic order in the ranks. They will be together as a group, regardless of numbers. They will be assigned to not one squad leader, but several. They will have an opportunity to talk, or not talk. They will have the opportunity to speak to a whole host of people, all trying to make sure their decision, either way, is an informed one.</p>
<p>Will share one story.
During BGO training last summer, I got to see Tango up close and personal. Over the course of a few days, some of the faces I had seen sitting at tables were no longer there. “Where did they go?” I asked. Seems 2 had returned to the rigors of plebe summer, while the other decided this was not for him.</p>
<p>I remember seeing that plebe the day just prior- as luck would have it, I passed right past him and his detailer (cadre last year) outside Bancroft in the vicinity of the Barber Shop. It was a hot day, and those familiar with the yard will recognize this spot as a shady place to sit and catch a slight breeze. Anyway, this particular plebe caught my attention as he was obviously stressed beyond belief, on the phone pleading with his parents to let him come home. He did not care where he ended up, as long as it was not Annapolis. The phone call ended abruptly from what I could see, and what was left was not pretty. This poor kid was sobbing uncontrollably, bent over unable to breathe. The cadre had his hands full just trying to get the kid to calm down before he passed out. It was positively gut wrenching. </p>
<p>On the last day of training, I happened upon that same cadre, only this time minus his charge. I inquired as to what happened to his plebe, and was told, very briefly, that he left. It would be another few days before I heard that the kid had, indeed, left, only not to home. His family told him not to bother- he was no longe welcomed. I would also hear that he ended up at a sponsor’s home in Annapolis, a hasty and temporary arrangement, until things could be sorted out. No Annapolis, no home, and no plan as to what is next. But I also heard it didn’t matter- he wanted out that bad. </p>
<p>I had heard stories like this before, but witnessing it made me realize that the kid is not the one with the problem, it is “us.”</p>
<p>This kid knew this was not for him. Probably never was. Perhaps he thought it was what he wanted, or what his parents wanted for him, but whatever it was, he realized this life was not for him. Sometimes you just “know.”</p>
<p>The moral of the story?
As hard as it is, as much as we wish it for them, as encouraging and supportive as we are, it is, and has always been, their choice. It is their life, and thier choice to live it as they see fit. And there is life outside USNA.</p>
<p>So hold off on the tough love. Guide, support, and most importantly-accept. Forgive if you have to. In the end, that is about all you can do. You trusted their decision when they tossed their hat into this pressure cooker in the first place, now trust them when and if they decide it is not for them. It is not the end of a life’s work- hardly, it is just the beginning, only in a different direction. As hard as that is for parents, truth be told the world will still turn, the sun will still rise and set, and your son and daughters will still be the same great kids that made it in to the USNA in the first place, and no one can ever take that away from them. Our job- to love them, unconditionally.</p>
<p>2010’s counsel is wise and wealthy in words.</p>
<p>Still, as very difficult as it may be. And this may now be history, the love this Plebe needs may be to let him/her know that YOU are not so willing to allow them the ease, convenience, elimination of momentary pain that comes with quitting. That can happen later. </p>
<p>But do not encourage or leave room for their thinking parents embrace their desire to quit while embracing them emotionally. Love the Plebe enough to push them away right now. Let them fly …or at least discover they can. Even if they don’t want to. 2 weeks into the most challenging of life’s dreams is no time to jump ship, a decision they’ll forever regret.</p>
<p>Hold steady.</p>
<p>gonzx5 and UberMor: We are all thinking of you and praying things come out as they should. Capt MJ’s story of the plebe no longer being welcome at home was gut wrenching to hear. </p>
<p>Let us know how it goes…we can all likely learn something here.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the kind words , we think our plebe will be home soon, we tried everything we could but she said she wont change her mind, we are just worried cause all the colleges that she had as a plan b are full .</p>
<p>thanks again</p>
<p>^
My condolences that this has not worked out as hoped. Trust me on this - it’s not the end of the world. Your daughter will come home and be the same smart, beautiful and loving daughter who left you a few weeks ago. She has her whole life ahead of her.
No ones life is ruined for leaving an academy, nor do all have regrets.</p>
<p>Contrary to popular belief, it’s still possible for her to find a college for the fall. It will take some leg work and moving quickly. Start with her back up colleges that she was accepted to. Even if she didn’t pay the deposit there still may be room for her. If not in the fall then perhaps in January.
If she didn’t have any back up school (<em>eek</em>) - start with colleges nearby or your State Universities. While Harvard probably won’t take her there are many fine colleges that are willing to accept a quality student - and make no mistake - your daughter is a quality student.</p>
<p>Last summer a young lady decided a SA was not for her early on - she had no backups at all but through her guidance counselor she secured admission to U Del - and she was not a Delaware resident. This summer a friend of mine - same situation with her son (different academy) - his GC got him into Penn State - UP. He decided to go to a satellite campus near home but University Park was an option for him.
It can and does happen.</p>
<p>Many <em>hugs</em> and good luck!</p>