So S23 is finally applying to some state schools and soon he will need to figure out housing. I have noticed that most schools have a “quiet floor” and some have “alcohol / substance-free” floors and one school has learning communities for first year students and for students in his area of study.
Have any of your kids done this? One of the schools S23 is applying to is known for PARTYING. Like, major partying and yet my kid is a socially awkward nerd. Dad and I will be paying the bills and I can make a demand about living in one of these communities. (Yet, I want to only save demands for the most important things and not over-push the kid.)
Did your kid(s) do anything like this and how did it work out?
Our introverted-ish gradschoolkid did for first year of undergraduate, and was really, really happy that she did. By chance her beau also chose a (different) smaller living community, and he is also a huge fan. If your son asked me I would say go for his area of study (assuming he really does like it), but for you I would say tell him that -for first year only!- you would like him to pick a smaller living community from whatever the selection is at his university.
My dd lives in substance-free housing this year and loves it. She is a student-athlete so the quietness of the dorm is helpful with getting to bed early when she has early practice or lift times the next morning.
D20 chose an LLC for 2nd year of college, is abroad this year and will be returning to LLC for senior year. I agree with @collegemom3717 that picking an LLC based on your child’s academic or social interests a great choice.
My observation with substance free/alcohol free housing is that parents are often driving that choice, rather than the students. The students I know who made the choice themselves were students who have/had an issue with substances they were now actively trying to avoid/reanimate.
Honors dorms, substance-free dorms, and living-learning communities are all a great idea. Anything that takes one out of the general, partying, animal-house-like atmosphere of the big freshman dorms.
I’d say have a discussion with son about why he’s going to college, what he hopes to get out of it, and he himself may choose this option. I cannot imagine pressuring a kid to choose one of these - if someone is looking for a party, they’re most definitely going to find it, even if it’s not happening on their floor.
So, at my D’s school all university residence halls are substance free and campus is technically dry. All dorms also have quiet hours, but some are certainly quieter than others. Aren’t the days of of animal house like partying in dorms a thing of the past?
I’m also a big fan of living learning communities.
My daughter was in the honors dorm as a freshman, ll freshman, plenty of partying (there were ambulances at the freshman dorms all weekend). Another daughter didn’t apply to honors until second semester, she she joined the business LLC that was housed in a freshman dorm, she said it was so worth it (she is also very social and goes to a lot of bars and parties, and there was definitely drinking in her dorm, I think that’s the norm). She complained to her RA when her handle of vodka was stolen from her unlocked dorm room, didn’t get much sympathy (RA’s just don’t want to see it).
LLC’s are great for a kid that wants to meet people but may be on the quieter side. Kids have a shared interest and they are looking to connect with people in their dorm. They also tend to attract students that actually put some thought into their living situation beyond living in a dorm without adult supervision and partying.
Substance free dorms are tricky. You never know how the numbers will shake out with kids that just want a substance free dorm vs kids in recovery vs kids with strict moral or religious views that they either push or don’t want challenged.
Just a warning that just because a college offers these things, it doesn’t mean your kid is going to get it. One of my kids wanted to be in an LLC. It required an application with essays, and she didn’t get selected. As far as the dorms go, you may want to ask if everyone who wants to be on a quiet, substance free, etc floor or dorm can be accommodated, or are there too many requesting it and some are disappointed.
This is a good point. And substance free often means just no drinking/smoking/drugs in the dorm, not elsewhere…so students can be coming home drunk/under the influence of drugs, etc.
Unless my kid had previous issues with substance abuse, I couldn’t imagine demanding where they live. I think it is fine to demand that they show you your grades, make satisfactory progress toward graduation and that they follow up on any agreement on employment either during terms or summers.
Yes - the school my dd goes to uses a lottery system for all housing after freshman year. Interestingly enough if they were choosing substance-free housing they were allowed to choose earlier than for regular housing. She and her roommate (teammate) were able to score a really nice room. Their SF housing is mostly students who are serious about having a quiet dorm environment and don’t want a party environment keeping them up late at night.
My S was in substance free housing for both freshman and sophomore years. It was a HUGE benefit for him. He met, lived with, and befriended many like-minded students. During his last two years he lived suites with guys he met in those substance free dorms. And yes, over time he did drink a bit but it was never (and still isn’t) a big part of his life.
My nephew went to LaCrosse. Mom was convinced her intellectual quiet kid would not drink. Just saw him after the holidays where he proudly shared his fake id.
I have a nerdy intellectual socially awkward type at an alleged party school (UW Madison). He did live in an LLC freshman year. He joined clubs. He has 2 rigorous majors and has social connections in both those groups. He is 22 and still does not drink ever. Zero reason to lie or hide. Spouse and I drink and offer it. His roommates do drink.
I’d let him live where he wants if he has been trustworthy and doesn’t have known substance issues. Maybe an llc in an interest area might work better. I don’t think substance free necessarily means more substance free than other parts of campus either.
Anyway, every decent sized campus will have a mix of people. I’d encourage him to find his people. The students that don’t figure out the school part of college don’t last that long.
My daughter was very anti-LLC. I was surprised as she loved hanging out with the theater kids in high school and was majoring in theater. The way the LLCs worked at her school was that they were by major (or a major interest). Well, she was much smarter than me in knowing what she wanted. I think there were about 40 freshmen in the theater/dance major and they had almost all their classes together. She was SICK of those kids after spending the whole day with them and didn’t want to spend more time with them at night. The LLC also would have had one more class together at night, sort of a seminar. Her randomly assigned roommate was a dance major but also in the Honors program, and she didn’t want to live in the honors dorm or in the LLC.
A childhood friend of daughter’s was in the LLC for psychology. She HATED it and ended up moving into the sorority house after a semester.
I’d let your son decide where he wants to live. It’s hard to know what you want at 18 years old, but sometimes there is just a feeling of what works.
DD’19 did the health science LLC mainly because they got suites with private bathrooms. It was a deal we made where if she went to the school we could afford, she got to have the nicer living arrangements.
It turned out fantastic for her. There weren’t very many girls to choose from for roommates (literally like 8) so that was kind of a downfall, but she ended up with a perfect one. They were able to get the only room for two with their own bathroom (others were suites of 4 to one bathroom). It turned out those other few girls were definitely not their style so it could easily have been worse if she’d chosen someone else.
The LLC didn’t do a lot of special activities together which could be good and bad. They didn’t have that many classes in common so she didn’t get tired of being around the same kids. This will vary a lot from school to school how much involvement the LLC has.
DD was concerned about the partying before she went there. Her floor was fortunately pretty good but the floor below her had issues. She just tried to avoid that stuff and hang with the right people and she got along fine.
