Tell me your sad stories!

<p>Hi CC, I am a newer poster, but have been absorbing knowledge here for several years. A special thanks to the longtime, regular posters--I have learned so much from you! Now down to my question. To the parents who have said THIS: "You can apply anywhere you want, as long as you get enough financial aid to bring your cost down to X." In our case, X is the cost of our state flagship, which, thankfully, is one of the really good ones. We can afford this school, and it is D's safety. We are mid-middle class (under 100K), and D is a very high stats student. She is shooting for the top schools, and will apply to around 10 of them. I know that a few schools give generous aid to our income level, but my fear is that if she doesn't get in to those few, but does get in to other top schools, she will not be able to go. To parents who have lived through this, how did you handle it? Were your kids crushed, or were they still happier for having been accepted? I am afraid this question is going to keep me awake until next March! </p>

<p>Have you run the net price calculators for all of those schools? My take is do not “hope” that the aid will be better than it shows. If the calculator shows it will work, and you don’t have anything funky going on (higher than usual income, small business with assets you didn’t plug in as your own – one way to make the calculator more accurate, no divorced parents and/or stepparents, no rental real estate, no trusts), then you should feel like that is probably pretty close to what will happen. If it shows as unaffordable now, then it will probably be unaffordable then, and you should say so up front (now) to your D.</p>

<p>Odds are higher that you kid just won’t be accepted at all to the very top schools. Competition is tremendous, as you know if you have been reading CC. The very top schools have a lot of very shiny applicants to pick from.</p>

<p>You might consider seeing if your D also wants to apply someplace where her very high stats will give her a full ride, like Alabama. Lots of high stats kids go there now, there is a significant pool of them. It would give her a known affordable option besides your state flagship.</p>

<p>Have you and she run the net price calculators on her list of schools to see which will give a realistic net price <= $X on need-based financial aid? For the schools where need-based financial aid is not sufficient, are there merit scholarships that could bring the price down to $X or less? If so, she needs to know that she is aiming for the merit scholarships, and that admission without the scholarships is the same as rejection.</p>

<p>From the sound of the OP’s posts, sounds like kid is aiming for top schools where there isn’t going to be merit.</p>

<p>If there is no merit, then using the net price calculators would still be indicated.</p>

<p>If there are unusual financial situations like self employment, small business, highly variable income, etc., also run the net price calculators with worst case numbers (e.g. adding back all work and business deductions to income, assuming the high end of the variable income range) to get an idea of what the range of net prices is likely to be at the given school, so that the student knows that the net price needs to be in the part of the range below $X to be able to consider that as an acceptance, but there is a possibility of a financial rejection (acceptance but net price > $X).</p>

<p>Yup… we are in agreement, as I said in post #1 (just an aside – why isn’t the original post #1? Just a quirk of the new numbering system not sure if the old one was that way or not).</p>

<p>@intparent Yes, we have run NPCs. The very top schools are fine, the rest are borderline…That is the problem…We do not want her to take out much, or any, in loans, as she will be a science major and is undecided between the Med or PHD paths.</p>

<p>Well… my kids took different routes. One picked a school where she was near the top of the pool, and got significant merit money. One picked a higher priced school, and she is taking out some federal loans as a consequence of that. If your D is thinking about med school, this is what she needs:</p>

<ul>
<li>A high GPA (can be harder to achieve at top schools, as the pool of other students is so competitive)</li>
<li>Strong MCAT preparation</li>
<li>Experience with some kind of medical volunteering or work. Easy enough to get in the summer.</li>
</ul>

<p>Agree that low debt is important if she is headed for med school. The point is that she does NOT need to go to a top school to get into med school, and in fact it can be counterproductive in the GPA arena. Colleges do expect students to take out loans generally to cover part of the cost, that is part of the current financial aid picture for American colleges. If you are really in a “no loan” mode, then she needs to look for cheaper options to replace those schools that won’t meet her need without loans.</p>

<p>As long as she knows that acceptance with a net price > $X is the same as a rejection, what would the problem be, as long as she has an affordable safety that she likes?</p>

<p>OP here. We are not really looking at the high merit/NMS schools. “Sob.” (She will be a NMSF–14 pts over the last state cutoff) That is really because we have such a great state flagship–no need to look lower. I went to this school–and I love it–but even I have to admit that there was practically no advising. And in her situation, I think this would be very valuable.</p>

<p>Any stories from parents who had to say no to a top acceptance? </p>

<p>If you think you are going to have to say no due to cost, honestly, you should probably say it now. It just gets harder when she has an acceptance in hand. Don’t apply to schools you can’t afford. Honestly, it is your own fault if you string her along with the idea that somehow these schools will become affordable if you know they won’t.</p>

<p>My daughter’s best friend had to say no to Rice and Johns Hopkins, as they did not provide enough financial aid. In the end, she felt as though she had to “settle” for the college she has ultimately chosen. Even though some parents tell their children that they will need to get the college cost down to a certain number to be affordable otherwise the student won’t be able to attend there, I think many hold out hope that there will be this miracle offer, and as long as they get in, they will be able to go. I think we all need to be very honest and up front with our children, so they know what is, or is not, possible and not give them false hope. I was very crystal clear with DD and she knew she either needed high merit aid or an ROTC scholarship to swing any of the schools that didn’t give merit scholarships.</p>

<p>In our house the final cut was based on merit aid. Both DDs were NMFs and we went with the best financial options since they were happy with their application choices. </p>

<p>I would have the talk with her now- that’s what we did. I won’t allow my daughter to apply to any Ivy League schools because we will qualify for little, if any, FA ( of course this assumes she gets in LOL). She is going after merit and will also be applying to our state school. Some of the merit schools on her list are " lottery" schools, and others are more realistic. I already know that she is going to grad or med school so we really need to keep that in mind, both in terms of finances and in terms of keeping a high GPA for (possible) med school- harder to do at an Ivy League. </p>

<p>I think the OP is saying that the very top schools (HYPS) offer generous enough aid that her D would be able to go. It is the level under that where the OP is concerned; those schools probably meet need, but include loans as part of the package.</p>

<p>Ok yes I understand what you are saying- thanks. </p>

<p>^^@intparent Yes, you are correct. And it’s not just the schools packaging loans as aid that I am worried about…also a general unpredictability in their financial aid offers. ie. Johns Hopkins </p>

<p>I know of a student this year who had to turn down Brown because the EFC came in too high, student still got a lot of aid. But had a couple of full ride offers to not obvious SLACs and pretty happily chose one. Student would have liked to choose Brown, but couldn’t make it work, divorced parent situation, and from what I heard didn’t agonize over it at all. Happy as a clam, no sad story.</p>

<p>Our ds turned down all of his top acceptances. He is very happy with his decision. The cost differential between where he will be attending and the next best package was $0 vs $100000 over 4 yrs.</p>

<p>Meant to add, ds fell in love with an honors research program and the opportunities those students have. It interested him more than top names.</p>