<p>Our D had to say no to her top choice, Tufts. They met need, but with too much in loans. She went to Vanderbilt, instead. My advice is to make sure you have one “for sure” … a state school you can afford, a guaranteed-merit school, that sort of thing.</p>
<p>My D was a tippy top prospect, but she wanted to pay her own way through a full ride merit scholarship if possible. She chose a full ride at out state flagship( and the family alma mater) over a pretty good package at Notre Dame. She was not interested in the Ivies, so she didn’t apply. She loves the fact that we are not having to pay anything for her college. She is excelling in the Honors program and has no regrets.</p>
<p>S wanted to apply to one school that he loved, but we were pretty sure we wouldn’t be able to afford. We let him, but made sure he knew all along that unless there were some aid that we didn’t know about, it would be very unlikely that he would be able to go there (OOS public). He was accepted, got some merit aid, but it still wasn’t affordable. He was OK with that, because he’s an easy-going kid and the expectations were managed early. it was actually closer than we’d predicted, due to the merit awards and other aid, and since he had a short list and hated his only true “financial safety” (in-state flagship), it could have ended up being the best option even with excess debt. Fortunately we were able to do better financially at one other school that he loves, and we’re all very comfortable with the outcome.</p>
<p>Managing expectations is key, and that depends a lot on the kid’s disposition, I think.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Seems like he got lucky in that another school he liked gave him an affordable offer, since he had no actual safety that he liked.</p>
<p>Discuss the family finances expectations and affordability with your child. If she wants to apply to top schools knowing the outcome, support her as well as long as you are able to apply for the application fees. Since at this time, she is aware of the family fiances and if the top schools admits her but with less funding, then she will be okay with the fact that she and her family gave their best, but at the end could not afford it.
That is something most children will be able to live with, than not allowing them to go through the process.
Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>Our D is only beginning her senior year of high school, so I don’t have a sad story but I’m not expecting one either. We have been very clear with her as to what we can afford. Since we won’t qualify for financial aid, that has eliminated all Ivies from the pool. We’d be happy to let her apply to any or all of them if she wanted to prove something to herself, but she prefers not to. Fine with us. Since we’re shooting for big merit money, we don’t expect any outright rejections from her applications. However, we do think it likely there will be a financial rejection or three. That is why our D, who was very tired from working all week, spent yesterday (her only day off) at her ultimate safety school’s open house. The school heavily considers student interest when awarding its merit. And so she introduced herself to the admissions people and the two relevant department heads. She actually enjoyed herself. And she is focusing on the positives of this particular school, where she would likely be in the top one percent (perhaps even top .5%) of applicants. She recognizes that it’s a very real possibility that she could end up here.</p>
<p>D knows every single dollar that we have reserved for tuition but end up not using is a dollar she can potentially use for going abroad. This helps her pronounce schools, “I could go here” versus “No way.” So my advice is for you parents to treat college as a financial decision and make sure your child understands that, above all, that is how you are treating it. That will help your daughter temper her emotional attachments to dream schools. Or at least it should. Of course your D has to like each safety school but if she’s a high stats kid, she should be able to find places she likes that won’t break the bank. </p>
<p>If my husband and I have one emotional attachment, it is that we don’t want her to go to far away. That means the free option of Alabama is our last choice for her. However, the choice is ultimately hers. And if that is what she ends up choosing, that is where she will go. </p>
<p>I met the mother of one of our daughter’s friends this weekend. The friend is the youngest and her brother graduated in Dec. Her parents cosigned for him to take out larger loans and the story she shared is one that I have read about on here, but I haven’t known anyone IRL with this situation. The brother graduated with $80,000 in debt with an aerospace engineering degree. He could not find a job using his degree and is working in a manufacturing plant. (she did not share doing what, just that he was not doing aerospace engineering.) He lives in a small 1 bedroom apt (very small), is living off Roman noodle type dinners, has no $$ for anything other than paying for basic living expenses and trying to getting his ballooning loan amt under control. She said he is both stressed and depressed. She said this is not at all what they envisioned 4 yrs ago.</p>
<p>She said the situation has totally stressed their family. They do not have the financial ability to help him pay the loans and they are stuck with the amt on their credit b/c they cosigned. </p>
<p>Dd’s friend is a rising sr. She has been told she can only consider the local CC or regional university and has to commute from home. She is also going to have to take a gap yr and work in order to help pay her tuition if she can’t raise her ACT score enough for automatic scholarships.</p>
<p>It was a very sobering conversation. I felt bad for everyone involved b/c they all are trapped in this situation that they created. And the magic high paying career at the end of the 4 yrs did not materialize.</p>
<p>The conversation affirmed our decision to walk away from top schools and loans. No or low debt is a gift at the end of the 4 yrs that needs to be factored against debt and name brand. </p>
<p>halfemptypockets, some Ivy’s are affordable if your daughter can get in. (My nephew whose parents I’m guessing make a little over $100,000 paid approx. $10,000 to $14,000 per year to go to Harvard.) If she wants to apply and you call can afford the application fees, tell her to do so and see what happens as long as she is aware that unless it is in your “price range” she cannot go. On the other hand, my middle son REALLY WANTED TO GO to MIT. He did apply and although he had great stats, was rejected. Although we did not see a financial package, I will tell you that I was relieved as we didn’t have to say “no” if the financial package came back as undoable.</p>
<p>
Not sure what your flagship is, but a lot of the high merit/NMS schools are not exactly “lower”. I would take another look in that direction to see what the possibilities are. OTOH, if your flagship is UNC-CH, then never mind. Just go there. ;)</p>
<p>ClueBus, I believe University of Alabama gives full tuition for the Semi-Finalists. Take a look at their website to double-check though.</p>