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Not sure this fits under that list, but we have discussed classes they are thinking of registering for because they like to share that stuff with me.
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<p>I think that's great (does not fall under helicoptering - unlike if your kids sat in their advisors' office and called you in the middle of the discussion about registering for the following semester and asked your permission to take the courses the advisor suggested. THAT has happened in my office! And that, in my opinion, is helicoptering!!!)</p>
<p>^^^YIkes. My kids don't need any permission to take whatever they want. </p>
<p>They happen to like to share about their lives with me. But the decisions are all theirs to make. If they ask for an opinion, I'll offer one but I want them to do what they want in college. </p>
<p>I also have never spoken to anyone at their colleges the entire four years except the financial aid office (we are paying, the kids are not).</p>
<p>I think the questions are good but need to be asked and answered by the student. The campus should be giving the list to the kids, not the parents because yeah it is time to step back</p>
<p>That said, many, perhaps most of studnets are unfamiliar with how college works. Office hours don't exist in hs in the same way they do in college. Also many kids who have been hyper scheduled throughout their lives have much more of what feels like "goof off" time in college and do need to think about how they will make these time management choices. I am guessing many many kids who DO belong in college haven't given tons of thought to these and other points on the OPs list. So be nice. We aren't all coming from the same place as far as indepence goes.</p>
<p>historymom points out a lot of good reasons to avoid hyper scheduling your kid and controlling their life in the last years of high school.<br>
I am interested in my son's experiences, like sooze we discuss classes he is thinking about taking but that is about it. There are lots of things we can't control in life and at least with me, for the sake of my own sanity, I have to recognize that adult children's lives fit in that list.</p>
<p>historymom, I agree that many kids are not used to this level of independence when they start college. But I do think this is the time that they must adjust to it and when the parents need to let go. That doesn't mean the parents should have done this back in HS but simply now is that time!</p>
<p>historymom....
yeah....what I was saying is that I don't expect all incoming freshmen to know how to handle all these things but just that this is the time to learn and they will learn by being thrust into doing these things...</p>
<p>"I think that's great (does not fall under helicoptering - unlike if your kids sat in their advisors' office and called you in the middle of the discussion about registering for the following semester and asked your permission to take the courses the advisor suggested. THAT has happened in my office! And that, in my opinion, is helicoptering!!!)"</p>
<p>After trusting the school's advisors as a freshman and being placed in classes that he had no business being in based on his placement scores, LD and desired major, then being told that 1 class he really needed was full with adds already in it once we realized their unfathomable error, I don't mind if my kid makes that call, in fact I welcome it. It cost us at least another semester of school for him, and caused him to nearly flunk out in his first semester. He trusted the professional. As a parent, I think I have a much greater incentive to see my kid do well than the advisor. It isn't going to cost him an extra ten or twenty grand. As with most things, with advisors, YMMV.</p>
<p>I have one child who has been through four years of college and one who has been through three years so far. In all that time, I have never spoken once to any college personnel or office except the financial aid office (since we are the ones paying and dealing with aid). If my child had a problem, such as registering or something else, I would advise my child from the sidelines but still have my child deal with it directly. Back in HS, I would have intervened more with the school but I don't do that now that they are in college. I think a parent can advise and support and then the student needs to carry it out with the people at school. So, the parent still plays a role in advising but not in actually DOING. I suppose if after many failed attempts on a student's part, a parent could call but I never have had to do that. I do give my kids advice and they run ideas by me....not for permission but simply for valuing my input. I don't directly intervene at the college. I feel that college is the time for the student to learn to deal directly with people on these matters. They can come to us for advice and consultation as needed in order to do that.</p>
<p>If a parent doesn't start handing over this reponsibility to the child in college, when will they? The student has to get summer jobs and jobs following college and will have to learn to advocate and deal with stuff. They can still consult a seasoned parent for advice but at some point, the parent needs to let the young adult take the actual actions on their own. College is that time, in my view. I'm not saying to leave them to their own devices, but to step back and be there for support and advice if asked. The actions should be their own. The decisions should also be their own.</p>
<p>I think the questions are great for a kid to ask themselves, hopefully they have been exposed to much of the info, but it does not hurt ot have it pointed out again. If your parents are not on CC you may not know these things. If your parents are not involved and no one ever told you this stuff you might fall for what other people say about no attendance being taken means you don't have to go to class. Better to be warned than allowed to shoot yourself in the foot going along with the crowd- at least if the student chooses to make the errors, they were warned.</p>
<p>My DD is premad at a big flagship U with no pre med advising and in her dept she has had contradictory advice from different profs, including one telling her she should stay an extra year (is he paying?) as the prof does not like her schedule, she should have taken XYZ (his class) this fall but does not have the prereq (why? because last year's advisor told her to drop it and take something else to show more diversity in interests!!)</p>
<p>DD totally uses the wisdom I have learned on CC to help make decisions because a big flagship is not giving her great advice, it's okay advice, but it's not great advice and it's not right for her.</p>
<p>Helicoptering should be out, but when you look at all the problems people post on this board- kids flunking out, kids dropping out, kids being stalked, kids transferring, kids getting sick, kids getting depressed, etc. We all know that is most cases the parents will be helping clean up the mess, why can't a parent be available as an advisor to avoid the mess? remember that family where the DD was stepping out of an LAC with depression and also large student loans, no one wants to be stuck there, there is nothing wrong with sharing some wisdom, if it is done with restraint.</p>
<p>As Soozie says, I too talk only to financial aid, but have advised on the best way to handle other situations, allowing my DD to do the actual communicating.</p>
<p>For some kids, high school was too easy to skate through. I don't see anything wrong with a discussion that points out that some different study skills are in order.
Yeesh. People seem to be flipping out over this.</p>
<p>I think these are great questions for students to ask themselves. It may be a little overwhelming to hit them with it at the beginning of freshman year, but I may stick a copy of them in a care package I send next month.</p>