I’m hoping to get insight here. I have a quiet boy who just doesn’t seem enthusiastic about his college acceptances. He also seems to have some good senioritis as he’s forgetting important assignments and doesn’t seem to care. I am worried that he will have a tough time in college with this disorganized behavior and also wonder if he doesn’t need an independent year on his own away from the comforts of a mom who gets him moving. I’d love to see him do an international year or Americorps-like save the world experience. Would love opinions and where he can look for gap year opportunities.
A gap year sounds like a great idea, particularly with an international program.
However, be sure that any schools that he’s been accepted to allow for a deferral.
After he’s committed with his deposit and intent to register form, he can ask for the deferral.
It’s much more difficult - particularly for an unmotivated students - to complete and submit new applications during their gap year, when they don’t have access to counselors or teachers for recommendations and transcripts.
Perhaps more concerning is that if his senioritis results in worse grades in 12th grade, colleges that admit him may rescind the admission, so the option to defer enrolling in a college that admits him until after a gap year may disappear. I.e. he may have to reapply during the gap year, and with worse grades in 12th grade, will have to aim to a lower level of college selectivity.
If his grades in 12th grade fall too far (like D or F level), then his college options, with or without a gap year, may be limited to starting at a community college, shaping up academically, and then transferring as a junior to a four year school.
And at some level, this may be what he wants.
With some boys, “lack of enthusiasm” is a way of hiding “scared to death.” If that’s the case, the boy might actually want to commute for his first two years but may not feel that he can admit it – even to himself.
Why is he not enthusiastic about his acceptances? He feels they’re not where he wants to go? Were these universities not his choice? Has he changed his mind? Were the first acceptances his safeties?
Or has he been like this from the time before the acceptances? Was he especially disorganized before?
Senioritis is common and if all that happens is disorganization and not caring about a few missed appointments/tests, it’s not the end of the world as long as he stays at C or higher in every class. Especially after the first few admission decisions are rendered and the student feels like a huge weight has been lifted off. Obviously, getting grades below C, even for a week, would be concerning.
If it’s because he doesn’t want to go to college or is usually disorganized, do you have a way of knowing if he suffers from burn out and might welcome the gap year?
I would suggest giving college discussion a rest in your house for a while…like until April. Let your son deal,with his senior year. I don’t think introducing the idea of a gap year right now is needed. He just might no be ready to talk about life after high school…yet.
But in April, he will need to decide whether or not to matriculate someplace. By that time, he may be more settled with life after high school decisions.
So…let it go…for now.
Thanks all for these words of wisdom. I like the idea of waiting until April to make these decisions. In the meantime, I’m going to search for some ideas on how to imrpove his organization skills.
Check out the book "that crumpled piece of paper was due last week ". Some good explanations for types of disorganization, some good strategies, and some compelling reasons to get organized. But remember that organization is a discipline, and it can take quite a while to cultivate.
Maybe you could ask him to help you improve your organizational skills.
If you are at all absentminded (like me), you probably use various gimmicks on your computer or smartphone to help you remember appointments and deadlines. Your son probably knows better ways to do this sort of thing than you do. And if he helps you, he might remember the same techniques when he needs them.
Does he have ADHD? If so he can get accommodations and support at college. If he is “just” disorganized, there is still often help available with time management, tutoring and the like. I think that replacing our own support for them while still at home, with others who can help, once at college, is a good step toward independence without their losing help entirely.
My son showed no interest either. It was a kind of defense mechanism. Once he got in he was screaming with happiness. Then the transition was hard for him: we drove to his school several times during the summer so he could feel some degree of familiarity.
Sometimes a gap year is good, yes, especially if he is burned out. But it can also send kids off on a tangent and make them feel a little different than others, when they do go. It depends. Sometimes it is a mistake to take a gap year to avoid issues that will continue regardless. You would know what’s best here!
Here’s a thought: is he the only one of his friend group to have decisions yet? If most of his gang is still waiting for the mid-March decisions to hear from their top choices, then your son may be emotionally holding back until the tide hits everyone together.
I think waiting till April is a good plan. Make sure he stays on top of things enough to keep his grades well away from “rescind” territory but otherwise maybe give both you and him time to breathe for now. Sometimes the best way to give someone incentive to be organized is to let them see what happens when they’re not.
So much changes between now and next August. Even this coming spring. I suggest following an above poster’s advice to quit the college process thinking and let him focus on the current, final, HS year. There is plenty to do and enjoy NOW without obsessing about next year. Wait a few months then ask your son about his thoughts for the next year. It is HIS life after all. He may be shocked with your thinking he should delay college. btw- my young (still16) year old gifted son became a slacker senior year (the kid who dissed them previously). I worried about him making it in college- getting up on time etc but he thrived. Moving on to college may be the best thing for him- next fall. Plus, he is still in limbo with where he will go and it isn’t quite real yet.
WAIT before redoing his future. I also like the how boys show fear post.
My S17 is actively planning for a gap year. He didn’t apply to any schools that didn’t allow deferrals and when he interviewed at the two private schools that required him to, he mentioned his thinking along that line.
I am torn. He will be 18 in March and, to me, that is so old. More than a year older than I was when I graduated HS and went to college. OTOH, although he is not ADHD or disorganized, per se, he is dyscalculic and dyslexic so maybe a year off, as long as he takes a writing class.
18 is the normal age to go to college int the US (strictly speaking, 18.4). Some colleges don’t even accept kids 16 1/2 years old in the dorms (the age you were when you graduated).
Did you grow up here and skip grades or did you grow up in a school system where graduating high school at 16 is encouraged/typical?
Once he graduates, he can’t take any class. Work, volunteer, travel, attend high school in another country - sure. But if he takes a college class anywhere he jeopardizes his freshman status, his scholarships, and potentially even his admissions.
Dyslexic would sound to me like he SHOULD NOT take a writing class during his gap year, anyway - even if you meant “at the adult community center”.
i skipped a grade and would have graduated HS another year early but my parents refused to sign the papers. I just have this bizarre thing about being young when you get into the work force so you can have more time to put away for retirement. It’s the result of growing up dirt poor with parents who didn’t plan for anyone’s future.
The type of writing class I am thinking of is at the community college. He can take it without matriculating or registering as a student and it could help him. Of course, I would run this past his chosen college before permitting him to do so. He really does need focused writing instruction in order to be able to succeed in the courses that require writing and I would like him to do this before college. If he can’t do it at the CC, I will find something or someone else to work with him. I can’t as we get into screaming matches when I offer to edit his work.
He has been very resistant up to this point. His skills are okay largely because he reads well above grade level and with excellent comprehension, albeit so slowly that he had to drop both AP Euro and APUSH; however, there is no way that he can do college level writing without more practice. I would also love to interest him in a speed reading course.
He is not sure what he wants to do on a gap year. I am hoping that he changes his mind about it but if he doesn’t, I am willing to send him somewhere for a few months after he finishes the reading and writing courses.
techmom have you and your son looked at Landmark, Curry College or New England College- or maybe Lesley, all with programs that might be helpful. Landmark specializes in dyslexia at the secondary level but the college is broader in focus I believe.
What’s his current GPA? Test scores? Has he taken any Subject tests?
Do you have a budget for his college? Does it match your EFC or, more sadly and commonly, your EFC is unaffordable?
I notice the phrasing “my son is…” in post #12. This means it is the student, not the parent taking charge of his life.
OP- the choice has to be your son’s. Please do not push him into delaying college- just as you should not push him into it. Perhaps the thought of delaying college would relieve him. Perhaps mentioning it in a few months would cause him to realize it is what he wants. Give the whole college business a break for awhile. Being able to ignore it and focus on his final year of HS may decrease any stress about it.
Yes, just telling my daughter that she had our permission to take a gap year was enough to relieve her anxiety. She decided to go straight into college and is having a blast as a freshman photography major.
I’ve written about my middle child, the kid whose bipolar disorder was so severe he almost didn’t graduate from high school (even though he WON the science fair in 9th grade!!). He took 2 1/2 gap years, working with a relief organization in the Middle East. That experience was what he needed to jump start him. Now he’s studying English and education at the American University of Beirut. He made the Dean’s List this semester! So every kid is different, but taking a gap can work wonders sometimes. Remember what I’m always repeating: LIFE IS NOT A RACE!! My husband didn’t finish his bachelor’s degree until he was 30, and he has done just fine. 
There are gap year organizations which can easily be googled. I know many who have done National Outdoor Leadership School, or WOOF (you can also look these up). Many schools are encouraging this.
It is entirely different when a kid develops a psychiatric condition, and this is the age. I have one who did not graduate from high school due to sudden onset bipolar mania. This kid had a full ride to college after a couple of years dealing with it outside of school (has a talent that appeals to schools) but again the mental health challenges meant a return home.
I used to say “life is not a race,” but financially it is difficult helping to support a kid for the extra years that a gap year or gap years entail, or for that matter, a prolonged period of time for finishing school. This kid works at low level jobs attempting to self-support while doing college in an adult learner program, and I try to help as I can.
Your son does not appear to have a mental health challenge and if immature might benefit from a gap year if well-planned. But I also feel that for tentative kids, a gap year can result in a tangent that ends up being life-changing. Going off to college with peers can be motivating. Some lose that once off the conveyor belt, so to speak.
You know your son. It is not uncommon for kids (and it seems boys more than girls) to put their heads in the sand at this point in senior year. See what happens. It certainly helps to tell them they don’t have to go, next year or ever. and to tell them there are many ways to finish college if that is what they want to do, or they can learn a trade, or work.
But once he hears from colleges and knows high school is really ending, maybe he will be more into it. Building confidence is important if he has doubts about his abilities. Setting up supports at school. Visiting to build familiarity. He may not be committed to the idea but if you are, perhaps that will help.
Thinking about gap year plans can be a security measure in case, but I would not let that distract from the idea of attending college in the fall unless your son is strongly driving the gap year direction. One measure of that would be if he himself researches, or shows more interest in gap year programs than college itself.
In any case, chances are that things will work out. I would wait and see!