<p>Hi, I'm a high school sophomore and I have very low self-esteem.
I'm not here to talk about my accomplishments (because I feel like they're not enough and I don't want to seem as if I'm trolling), but here are my stats:
2400 SAT, first sitting, will probably qualify for NMF, straight A's all throughout, second chair cellist, editor-in-chief of the school newspaper and literary magazine, treasurer of NHS, captain of soccer team, etc. National recognition for writing.
So some acquaintances think that I should be proud of myself, but I feel bad about myself every day. This has gotten pretty extreme and I've become jealous of classmates who achieve perfects on a test while I receive, say, a 94. Even last year I've consistently scoring nothing but hundreds on every grade but this year I haven't been doing so, and I feel like a bad student. My teachers don't seem to appreciate me enough, and their favoritism toward another student makes me very nervous and insecure.
When I hear about graduating seniors' amazing achievements and how they got into top universities, I feel like I can never do the same because it's too late. My father lost his job recently and we have no source of income. While other kids at our school and rival schools are pumping their money to create their hooks, I cannot even afford to buy new clothes.
My mother tells me that, after watching me for years, she cannot find a special talent in me. I was a very bright child and was told many things about my bright future but now I feel like I am a talentless person that no college will want, deteriorating every second.
I keep entering competitions to win things and feel good about myself for a few days only to lapse into worthlessness again. When I don't win things, I feel worse about myself. It's a sickening disease spreading through my mind. My friends are no help. The only one who I was really close with and didn't care about college admissions and academics moved to another school. All the time my "friends" insinuate that I cheated on my SAT (which I obviously didn't and couldn't) or that colleges will think I did and talk to me about senior A or B who failed in admissions this year although they had the stellar stats while senior C, a mediocre student (that they consider themselves to be) got in his first choice. They celebrate and emphasize others' academic achievements in front of me, such as "oh, my friend is graduating early because she's so talented and I envy her so much," casting a long glance my way. Their parents gossip and make up rumors about me that aren't true and I've heard a plenty of them floating around at school. I can't take it anymore. The jealousy and the paranoia that it brings (I get extremely upset if I think I displeased someone even slightly) is eating me up. I try to act cool in school and try so hard to be liked by everyone that it's taking a toll on me. Every time I get into trouble or someone expresses dislike/disappointment in me my heart literally sinks, and I wonder whether someone will find out how secretly (?) evil I am. My life is like Black Swan (the movie) reenacted and interpreted into a high school version.
I need help.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>You have to stop letting your self-esteem depend on external factors. You have to stop comparing yourself to others, and you have to stop looking for defects in yourself. You got a 2400, so you’re obviously very intelligent, and that’s something you should be proud of yourself for, even if your (obviously jealous) friends try to downplay it, or even if you don’t get hundreds on every test. You’re not a robot who can be perfect all the time, and you shouldn’t be.
Stop trying to be perfect and liked, and find the strength within yourself to make peace with who you are and what you have. You’re obviously special and talented, stop doubting yourself!
Also, don’t let circumstances define you. So you don’t have money anymore, that’s just an obstacle that will make you stronger. To quote Amherst’s supplement prompt, “Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat. Rather achievement can be all the more satisfying because of obstacles surmounted.” If what you’re going through is that difficult, you’ve got a great essay idea, bam.
You’re not defined by a number, by your accomplishments, or by your circumstances. You’re defined by what’s inside of you, by the kind things you do and the little personal victories you win, and you don’t need to live to please anyone but yourself.</p>
<p>I do not understand you. </p>
<p>Jealousy kills the heart. You need to look within yourself and reevaluate what matters most.</p>
<p>Is there any way you could change schools? There will be stupid high school kids wherever you go, but what you described seems unusual and ridiculous.</p>
<p>“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by asssholes.”</p>
<p>― Steven Winterburn</p>
<p>I agree with AmaranthineD</p>
<p>Only 2400 SAT score, kid you need a 2500 to even get a job at McDonalds.</p>
<p>On a serious note. This would make a good essay topic about how you overcame this period of your life.</p>
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</p>
<p>What is this. is the first thing a college admissions officer would say.</p>
<p>It sounds like you may need new friends. Cut the bad out off your life and focus on the great things. </p>
<p>As for your thinking that you are absolutely talentless, I beg to differ! To score a 2400 on the SAT, you are obviously very bright, a talent that most people would kill for. </p>
<p>Keep your head up, and just keep pushing through high school :)</p>