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According to a recent study conducted by researchers at the University of Texas at Austin, approximately 60 percent of college parents are helicopter parents parents whose involvement in their college students lives steps over the line of normal parenting and into a realm where the student is no longer making his or her own decisions or acting on his or her own behalf.
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<p>....remind me to try to stay in the other 40%....</p>
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The black hawk parent would not hesitate to take even the most minor of complaints to the university president, with an angry voice and a dont take no for an answer attitude. My own experience as an admissions representative with such a parent involved a pre-froshs fathers complaint that a freshman campus host had offered his daughter milk when she was lactose intolerant. This complaint made it to the assistant director of admissions at my undergraduate alma mater. </p>
<p> The toxic parent leaves distinct clues of his presence someone who makes minor changes to a students Facebook profile and removes any friends that may have seemed questionable. </p>
<p> The safety expert calls his or her child after learning of a lack of daily fire alarms at campus dorms to let them know that the campus police chief will be sending a detailed evacuation plan for use in case of any possible accidents or tragedies everything from a toaster burn to a stage 5 clinger. </p>
<p> The consumer advocate acts as a personal representative in the financial aid office, making sure tuition is minimized and fees are eliminated. </p>
<p> Finally, the traffic and rescue parent is the first resource at the sign of any trouble, not hesitating to jump on a plane at a moments notice to save a student from his or her own demise.
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Patricia Somers, an associate professor at the University of Texas at Austin, is nearing completion of a first-of-its-kind national study on helicopter parenting, and has found highly involved parents in all social and economic groups, contrary to widely held perceptions.
<p>There certainly is no shortage of nutcase people and parents. More than a few of them have children who have never been told "no".</p>
<p>Even so.........I do think that some of the protests from administrators and teachers, at all levels of education, really have to do with the fact that they dislike having to interact with adults.</p>
<p>Its much easier to do whatever you like with the students, rather than having to deal with experienced parents adults who pay the taxes and tuition bills that fund your salary.</p>
<p>One doesn't need to read far on these boards to find credible accounts of educator indifference and incompetence--some routine, some remarkable.</p>
<p>I agree, dadx. I guess I am a no. 4, since i'm the one who deals with the FA office, not S. Shame on me though I sure don't know how I'm supposed to get any fee "eliminated." There must be more effective parents out there than me!</p>
<p>And the last one--"not hesitating to jump on a plane at a moment’s notice to save a student from his or her own demise." Hmm, in light of many college campus tragedies, they might want to rephrase that.</p>
<p>The Senior Associate Dean for Undergraduate Education at my son's School of Engineering (at a private univ.) made the following announcement to a group of parents on Family Weekend recently:</p>
<p>"We at this university are confounded by the stories in the national press about over-involved parents. We want you involved. These are your children. We think you should be concerned about how their lives and educations are proceeding at this institution. Here is my card. Please feel free to call me."</p>
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<p>The “consumer advocate” acts as a personal representative in the financial aid office, making sure tuition is minimized and fees are eliminated.<<</p>
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<p>This kind of Helicopter Parent isn't overdoing the child raising so much as acting in his/her own self interest, since the parent is probably going to have to cough up whatever the financial aid doesn't cover.</p>
<p>If 18-year olds were adults in this society many of these behaviors would be over the top. But most of them are not even close to adults, lol! I know kids who go off to college and dont' know how to use a washer/dryer. Many don't know how to properly deal with banking, medications, the post office, etc. How can anyone expect them to navigate things like financial aid without guidance? Sure some parents go overboard, but kids need to gradually take over their lives. If you haven't prepared them, cutting them off totally at the same time they move away for the first time is foolish. I agree that many schools would rather not deal with parents. (But that's the case with elementary and high school, too!) I agree with Coureur about the parent acting in his own interest regarding financial aid. We're spending a load of money here! I've been weaning my daughters off my help for years. Even so, when my older D moved away for the first time it was a bit of a shock. She handled it all very well until there was a serious medical issue that I had to step in on. The whole process really helps them grow up, but they still need a hand every now and again.</p>
<p>There's a difference between involved and over-involved. I don't see anything wrong with an involved parent, and I don't really have a problem with parents helping with financial aid. I did, however, see hilarious and shudder-worthy examples of over-involved parents during my undergrad years (I swear I'm not making any of these up):</p>
<ul>
<li><p>The parent who got the campus to let in a college laundry service because she didn't believe that her son (a friend of mine, who was more independent than she gave him credit for) could do his own laundry.</p></li>
<li><p>The parents who insisted that their daughter be in her dorm room for the night every night by 8pm, and tried to enforce this via campus police.</p></li>
<li><p>The parent who called campus police to search for her daughter because her daughter hadn't called her in 24 hours. Not a week, not a month. 24 hours. They also called her dorm and had much of the dorm out searching for her. Campus police found her...in class.</p></li>
<li><p>The parent who was taking a tour of a dorm during Campus Preview Weekend, heard a student band practicing for the weekend's Battle of the Bands in the room of one of the members, and barged into the room to yell at them for making noise.</p></li>
<li><p>The half a dozen parents who came, during Campus Preview Weekend, to the STUDENT-ONLY Admissions-run housing panel, which was listed very clearly in the guide as STUDENT-ONLY, while there was another housing panel listed as PARENTS WELCOME going on at the same time elsewhere on campus, and had to be thrown out by Admissions.</p></li>
<li><p>The parent who was angry because the all-female dorm allows males to enter the building as guests.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>Add to that every parent who ever complained to the administration about the walls in the middle third of my hall being black, and every parent who requires their daughter to live in an all-female dorm for anything other than religious reasons. And all the parents who bother the administration about why we don't have mandatory meal plans (we had cards on which students or their parents could put as much or as little cash as they wanted - much cheaper and more flexible than meal plans).</p>
<p>As a student rep to various administration things, I got really sick of administrators feeling like they had to bend over backward to accommodate paranoid, clueless, and/or hovering parents.</p>
<p>That is not to say that there weren't plenty of reasonable, involved parents. But the helicopter parents are real. It's not just a myth to demonize all involved parents.</p>
<p>Universities love to call “helicopter parents” whenever it is convenient for them. In a chat with a chancellor, he said to the parents that he won’t tolerate helicopter parents (it was in other words), so a mother reply “ I totally agree with you, from now on could you please try to get the tuition and another payments from my son?” I think she was right; we should let the college’s administration deal with collecting those thousands of dollars each semester from the 18 years olds and also leave to them each of the donations solicited to our homes.</p>
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The parent who was angry because the all-female dorm allows males to enter the building as guests.
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<p>Generation gap alert here! When I was first in college, at Big State Public, all dorms were female/male only, and there was no visitation by the other sex, with the exception of three times a year: for 2 hours on Saturday afternoon after the conclusion of a home football game, one could have visitors in one's room IF AND ONLY IF the door to the room remained open at all times.</p>
<p>I know a lot of parents my age or even younger who are appalled at the free movement of young men in women's living quarters. A lot of those people happen to be college professors.</p>
<p>We all know lots of examples of overbearing people, and overbearing parents. My H was dept. chair for many years, and dealt with more than a few who thought they needed to complain about junior's lousy grades. But that is no reason to tell all parents to butt out, get lost, say a prayer and hope for the best. And send the checks.</p>
<p>I thnk some of this has to do with the privacy law(s) that have gone into affect since my generation was in college. I'm pretty sure my grades were sent to my parents, and I know if I missed a week or more of classes my parents would have been called. At my freshman D drop off the administration was very welcoming to parents, but they did let us know that we would only be looking at our D's grade if she gave PERMISSION. Also, that there could be a scenario where a freshman could end up at the local hospital with alcohol poisoning and parents wouldn't be notified if the student didn't want them to be. She did say if a kid was UNCONSCIOUS they would PROBABLY call us. I really don't think I'm a helicopter parent and I don't have any real worries about my D ending up in that kind of scenario, but I still think it's all a bit ridiculous.</p>
<p>Midmo, I think you were just a few years too old.</p>
<p>I went to college between 1972 and 1976. At that time, at my campus, at least half the dorms were co-ed, and there were no visitation restrictions in either the co-ed or single-sex dorms. In fact, since the dorms were unlocked from 8 AM to midnight, people of whatever gender freely wandered the halls all day and evening.</p>
<p>Today, there is at least some attempt at security, and the outside doors of most college residence halls are locked 24 hours a day. Theoretically, non-residents should only be in the building if accompanied by a resident. The degree to which this is enforced seems to vary from campus to campus. (My son told me that it would be perfectly OK for me to walk alone from his room to the exit from his residence hall, and I was never stopped or questioned when I did it. But my daughter, at a different college, is scrupulous about walking with me to the exit door.) </p>
<p>My daughter lives in a large all-women's residence hall. To meet the needs of male guests without decreasing the availability of bathrooms for female residents, two of its many bathrooms are designated as co-ed. Any resident who objects to a co-ed bathroom can simply use one of the other bathrooms. This seems entirely reasonable to me.</p>
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Midmo, I think you were just a few years too old.
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<p>Well, I am definitely feeling too old lately. I do believe my group was right at the point of change. I started college in 1970 (in conservative midwest). Things did loosen up within a few years.</p>
<p>My niece was a freshman about 5 years ago at the same school I started out at. Her roommate regularly picked up strange men from the streets of the college town and brought them back to her dorm room. On many occasions, my niece awoke to find a strange man in her bedroom. These weren't even fellow college students. Call me old-fashioned, call me out of date, call me a fuddy duddy, doesn't matter. That is unsafe, and it will be a factor when my daughter picks a school in a couple of years.</p>
<p>My sister never complained to anyone at the university because she didn't want to be considered a helicopter parent. Her daughter never complained to anyone who mattered because she didn't want to be considered un-cool.</p>
<p>Dadx - I like your post. I think the whole "helicopter parent" thing is just mean. Of course there are obnoxious parents! But overall I think there are clearly times when parents have every right to be involved or ask questions. (Especially to financial aid - are they serious?!!!)</p>
<p>The colleges we have dealt with have all been warm and welcoming to parents. I think they understand that we are far from out of the picture.</p>
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According to a recent study conducted by researchers at the University of Texas at Austin, approximately 60 percent of college parents are helicopter parents parents whose involvement in their college students lives steps over the line of normal parenting
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Hm. When 60 percent of the parents exceed the bounds of normal parenting, somthing's wrong somewhere. Maybe it's the study?</p>
<p>I agree with those who question higher education's motives in decrying this supposedly sweeping "new" parental phenomenon.</p>
<p>Less parental involvement means less scrutinizing of the sometimes very liberal college climate. Count me as one who doesn't wholly subscribe to the trial and error approach to raising kids. I agree that young adults should be making more choices for themselves as they transition into complete independence. However, chronological age many times doesn't equate to maturity. I'd like to think that I have created a climate in which my my children have become or are becoming self sufficient, independent and critical thinkers. To a great degree they have. In some areas though they are woefully naive'. For example in finances, interpersonal relationships, i.e. sex and it's potential physical and psychological effects, and to a lesser extent drugs and alcohol. They are still learning. Missteps in these areas at an early age can have catastrophic consequences. In my circles I see and live with the consequences of those indulging in "youthful folly" everyday. I am not driven by fear per se, but by an acknowlegement that life demands respect. Part of my job as a parent is to illuminate the path. It's the child's responsibility to chose the illuminated path and walk through it. I wouldn't describe myself as a helicopter parent, but I make no apologies for being a parent who strives to be in some capacity, a positive presence and influence in my childrens life all the days of my life. I mean, isn't that the reason in part you have children?</p>
<p>I guess I have a touch of "Toxic" and "Consumer advocate" in me. </p>
<p>I don't plunge in but when I saw something one S put in his My Space I told him he better "take that off right now and don't do it again" and gave him a lecture.</p>
<p>Concerning "consumer advocate" I haven't called the financial office but told DS if he wants to stay at said college with me paying he better keep the scholarship. After all, I WANT TO RETIRE SOMEDAY!</p>
<p>I think there's some tendency to overuse the term "helicopter parent" to apply to any situation where a parent is involved in their college-age child's life, and also that whenever it is brought up, even in legit cases, there's a tendency to react defensively and say that there's no such thing as helicopter parents, it's just a term invented to slam reasonable, involved parents. I think the real answer is somewhere between those two extremes (this message brought to you by the Department of Stating the Obvious).</p>