<p>Give it a read, everyone. It's timeless and offers perspective to those of us who may be disappointed.</p>
<p>This should be required reading for all. Thanks for posting it here.</p>
<p>I love reading that article everytime it pops up. The ending is great, it's just the "s**ew them" attitude I want my son to have if (well, let's face it, when) he gets rejected from one of the schools he applies to.</p>
<p>Thanks for posting this, Becky - it's definitely what I needed to hear right now. I read your "I am sad" thread and am really impressed by how you're handling the whole thing. You are so nice and caring towards everyone here on CC that I just want to give you a big hug right now. </p>
<p>That was rambly and random but I think you got the sentiment. :)</p>
<p>I love optimism :)</p>
<p>In the world of application replys, which has can as you know become one's world for a space in time during this process, news is mostly negative at our house. S view changed over time and looking back at the list made a year ago, characteristics of the two acceptances have seemed to have become quite negative. To be fair, the characteristics clearly do not fit as well now that S has had more time to think things over. In addition to some rejections, some wait list, the feeling of the S is failure. Only one wait list looks like a real possibility and then... the knawing parent instinct comes out. S appears to be now just going through the motions to satisfy societal expectations. Interest which has always ebbed and flowed toward the whole process has been further diminished by replys. S can't be convinced its ok to do gap year (perhaps is afraid of slipping off the path) but explains honestly is simply unable to maintain the interest needed to do the work, not for lack of caring, but we suspect either fear, lack of maturity/relevance or both. The pressure of moving on with the class is overwhelming and although it could be the best thing to just stay on the path with an ok school which feels safer, it may be best to take what feels like a plunge and strongly encourage the gap year. To the S, the gap year seems it is for those who aren't ready, (read immature) which is uncomfortable to face, but may be what we need to accept and encourage. S is confused and we understand, but aren't sure what is best. Wisdom/Suggestions?</p>
<p>Go to "licking wounds" thread. I bet a Gap Year is just the ticket. He could always accept admission at one school and defer for a year to "hold a spot" if that made the doing easier.</p>
<p>Life is not a race!!</p>
<p>vested, my heart goes out to you and your son. Why don't you start a new thread about your son's situation? I'm sure you'd get some good advice for his specific situation. If you are comfortable doing so, name names, as you'll most likely find someone knowledgeable about your son's college choices.</p>
<p>I'm greatly in favor of taking a gap year but appreciate that it CAN be a lonely event when your friends are all starting college. It can also involve a fair amount of self-initiative and financial outlay. When the student and family are feeling hurt and dejected, it's surely difficult to proceed with vigor on such a complicated planning project.</p>
<p>If I were you I'd take a three pronged approach: accept one of the offers (bird in hand) or at least plan to do so on May 1, get your son going on a waitlist strategy, start looking at gap year options. </p>
<p>It's easiest if you break the gap year into manageable segments. The "year" is really more like 15 months so there's a lot of time to do more than one thing: for example, travel/language study, work/internship/volunteering, outdoorsy adventure or arts related activity, a mundane job. If you can afford it there are several firms that will help with gap year planning. Since the purpose is to reapply next December, you'd want to put the activities that might enhance his application at the front-end of the gap. </p>
<p>As I said to andi on the "Picking up the pieces" thread, the process of re-applying is worth a thread in itself. It's uncharted territory for most of us -- but appears to be an increasingly logical strategy. The accept/defer/apply elsewhere idea that SBmom posits is intriguing as well.</p>
<p>My favorite reject/accept letters (compliments to Collegiate Choice).</p>
<p>Vested, my advice fwiw is for your son to pick one of the schools and move forward. Is it the ideal situation? No. But it's good preparation for the real world, i.e. make the best of your situation. The option of transferring is always a great motivator.</p>
<p>I never heard of a gap year until I came here and I suspect it is a upper echelon socio-economic creation which is probably why I never heard of it. We've had to do some regrouping also but I haven't even brought up the concept of a gap year. I think anyone reading this forum gets a very limited view of the paths that students take after high school. I know that we have had to take a hard look at how we let this get under our skin.</p>
<p>If you feel your son might not be ready for college, he probably isn't ready to spend a year with no set focus. I mean, he seems to be basically telling you that he is afraid of falling off track if he doesn't move forward now. Try to boost his confidence, stress the positive aspects of one or more of the colleges and move on. He's looking to you for guidance. While it's okay to be disappointed and even to have feelings of failure, he has to regroup now. If he's not thrilled with the college choices he has, he should refocus on the curriculum. Look up the coursebooks on their websites, see what he'll be taking and try to get him psyched about what he'll be studying rather than where.</p>
<p>Frecklybeckly, when I read that letter, it brought an article in the Dallas Morning News instantly to mind. A senior girl from a prominant private school that does not rank was denied admission to one of our Texas flagships because she was not top 10%. (How could she be?) Both parents were alums of the school, which places great emphasis on legacy status. She had good grades and scores, great ec's and was all in all a very lovely girl. It left her parents scratching their heads. After the anger had settled (dad was upset with the 10% rule more than the school), she turned her eyes towards another school in another state. Her dad said, "State U's loss is Out of State U's gain. They lost a great great student."</p>
<p>I loved his attitude, because it helped his daughter heal from the disappointment and move on. I kept his statements in the back of my mind and his attitude in my heart when letters started coming. My son was deferred and then rejected from a school he really loved. We adopted the philosophy, and now, he can't imagine himselft anywhere but where he is. Now that he has been there almost a year he realizes that for him, his school fits him much better than the school he was rejected from. He had a guardian angel looking after him on that one.</p>
<p>Just a few comments...we knew students that took the gap year option, and it did not work out for them...sometimes you just need to jump in with both feet and try the water...Many freshman curriculums are focused upon helping the student find the best fit (and major). It is painful to see my son's friends that are still trying to find themselves (my son is graduating from college this year)...Students that were just as "bright" (or more so) as my son have ended up slipping from job to job, or laying on the couch wishing something was different. Depression is common because there is no strong desire to get up and do SOMETHING, and a parent's guidance at this age IS NOT APPECIATED!</p>
<p>Another thing to keep in mind is that this will not be the first rejection that our kids will experience. My son went on several plant trips and got several rejection letters. He ended up with 2 job offers, and chose the lower paying job offer because he liked the work environment and people better. He was very frustrated with the rejections that he got, but then realized that THEY were losing out by not getting HIM.</p>
<p>Rejection is part of life. How we react to it early in life can help determine how we will react to it later. I think things work out for the best. Maybe the colleges he was counting on are really not the best fit for him, and perhaps by doing some soul-searching he will realize that...One thing to keep in mind--in a college environment, all students are going through alot of questioning...but they have each other for support...students who gap often do not have the support of other gappers that are motivated to grow, so they often have to go it alone...parental support is wonderful, but I do think kids grow up alot by being in a college environment. This is not saying that taking a gap year is a bad idea...its just that I think it is more useful if it is taken specifically for a reason (earn x-amount of money because you can't afford to pay for college etc.)</p>
<p>To All,
Thanks for the thoughtful replies. If you see part of this answeer somewhere else, I think I messed up as I'm new to this.<br>
After steppign back a bit, I realized that S wants desparately to move along with his peers. We were all disappointed that he did not get into the schools he wanted. My efforts to read mixed signals from over the past year and help him give himself permission to step off the path if he felt he needed to, added to his confusion. You are all correct. He's looking for our guidance and was looking and acting miserable, in part because we (more, I ) were confused as well. Good intentions and trying to respect that he's not a child anymore, but not my shining hour as a parent in terms of perspective. As we began to discuss the option of a gap 'experience' based basically on a rather poorly defined reason, he gave the loud and clear signal , NO, I want to go to school. Funny how that happens,right? Now that we have begun to accept reality, it is beginning to look better to everyone. In addition, I'm trying to pass on what I have learned (sort of) about acknowledging one's feeling, and reminding him to put 'ands' in place of 'buts'. Not getting into the schools I wanted stinks, its unfair in some cases, I'm angry and dissappointed AND I don;t like it AND I do have other good options. We're making progress and your perspectives and caring help a great deal.</p>
<p>I don't know if it's been mentioned, but one concern I have with gap years is medical insurance coverage. Depending on your child's age and your insurance company's policies, many HS gradautes who are over 18 (usually, 19) and NOT full time students (as defined by their university/college as "full time") will NOT be covered under their parents' medical insurance. You can add them, say COBRA payments, but tihs can get mightly pricey.</p>
<p>iflyjets,
Medical insurance issues is also my major concern with gap years, or any prolonged time off. Parents may be willing to bite the bullet for one year of Cobra payments BUT I would urge them to investigate if there is an option to reinstate medical coverage when adult child returns to full time student status. I'm guessing that coverage is gone once it terminates.</p>