<p>OverWhelmedMa mentioned that their family was fairly close to Smith and it reminds me of one danger I've observed and have otherwise heard about: don't let your D come home every weekend or even "too much."</p>
<p>One of D's housemates went home virtually every weekend and as a result missed out on a lot of stuff. Only half the education is in the classroom. (Side note: it's not your job to clean your D's room when you visit, either.)</p>
<p>One way or another, you're paying a lot for this opportunity. Let your D grab as much of it as she can.</p>
<p>Yes, so true! I know a student at another university whose mother picked him up every Friday and brought him back every Sunday evening. She claimed he was homesick. The problem was that this student failed to bond with his classmates because the real college stuff – the hanging out, the going out – happened over the weekend. He was incredibly lonely even during the first part of his sophomore year, which prompted even more home visits. Both parents had attended commuter colleges and had no idea of the critical difference between their college experience and their son’s residential one. Fortunately, the student now has a small group of friends, although it took two years.</p>
<p>The same holds true for boyfriend/girlfriend weekend visits. </p>
<p>I always tell people – both students and parents – that the student should remain on campus, with no outside visitors for a full month to help with the adjustment. Yes, it’s difficult at times, but it’s worth it.</p>
<p>I’d amend that “month” to “until Halloween” but, yes. Funny, some students that are miserable at the end of September are happily settled in by the end of October. Whups, I just overstated…what?..ME?..you can’t believe it?..Okay for parents to visit after six weeks but no students coming home until late October.</p>
<p>And, yeah, I’m not wild about the pre-existing bf/gf issues as well.</p>
<p>Good point all - we have two family b-days starting at Halloween so the timing is good. How do you feel about parents dropping in for a visit and maybe a lunch with a younger sib? And believe me I am looking forward to not cleaning or doing laundry even though those jobs are “supposed” to be hers:)</p>
<p>Overwhelmedma, I’d wait to see how your daughter adjusts first. If she is truly homesick after a month, then perhaps a surprise afternoon visit (or care package) will be enough. If you are truly miserable, try to stay away for at least six weeks.</p>
<p>The problem with Family Weekend is that it coincides with midterms. D was stressed, feeling that she had to entertain us AND study for two exams scheduled for Monday and Tuesday. There probably was a paper in there, too. </p>
<p>The next year, we came up for the weekend the week before Family Weekend, and D had a much better time. Junior year, we skipped a fall visit entirely because of scheduling issues.</p>
<p>Fwiw, we skipped a lot of the “official” stuff layed on for Family Weekend, though first year we did sit in on a Math class, which was okay because the profs were expecting it. (And I was pleased that I could follow along without moving my lips…when I took the equivalent of fifth-semester calculus way back in the day…we studied by torchlight if we didn’t have those new-fangled oil lamps…I performed a metaphorical re-enactment of Pickett’s Charge.) The point being, it’s really nifty to be there when the leaves on the trees are at their peak but adjusting your schedule to your D’s test & paper schedule won’t cost you much.</p>
<p>For us it will probably be family day since we won’t spend the money to stay overnight for a day trip.
I think the biggest issue will be a younger sibling who will want to visit sooner than that but we’ll just have to wait and see.
Is there any advantage to showing up the day before orientation to set up the room etc and then coming back the next day for the official stuff or would it just be more of a hassle. It really is a pretty easy drive for us. And we get the fall leaves here too so we are a bit more flexible on visit dates :)</p>
<p>We also have a fairly easy drive and have been debating whether to plan a visit for family weekend or for another weekend that better fits our family’s schedule. What would be the pros and cons to each?</p>
<p>Pros: The family gets to have Sunday brunch in one of the houses (this was the highlight for us because we got to meet friends and their families); your daughter won’t feel left out when roomie and friends have their parents there; it’s usually a beautiful weekend; a few activities including a Q&A by President Christ.</p>
<p>Cons: Lots of people so it’s not typical; timing; the activities were not compelling enough for us to repeat them.</p>
<p>The biggie for us was whether our daughter would feel left out when all her friends had parents. When we planned this, we were sensitive to this plight for other students and offered to “adopt” any of her friends who didn’t have families there. As it turned out, only one of D’s friends was in this position – and she went with her roommate’s family.</p>
<p>I would suggest going the first year, especially if you are within easy distance. After that, gauge your daughter’s feelings about it. After the first year, mine was happier having us visit before family weekend. Last year, she didn’t care – and may have even been relieved.</p>
<p>Thanks for the memory jolt…yeah, we adopted a couple of D’s friends whose parents weren’t there and took them to dinner with us. </p>
<p>I agree that most of the scheduled events were underwhelming and that, aside from spending time with D, what I enjoyed most was meeting her friends as well as some other parents. I think the first year is probably the most important to be there for the “official” weekend. </p>
<p>I enjoy it when photos from those visits pop up on my PC’s screen saver.</p>