<p>Well, it's pretty much done. By the time he went to bed at 1 last night his car was packed to the point of exploding. He and younger sister have left for early services. Wife and I will meet up and the three of us will play in orchestra for the second service just like always for the past 4 years. Then we come home, do those last few things, find those last few "how could I have missed that's" and then it's off to school. we'll get him up there and moved in and then head back home on a 7 hour drive: 4 minus 1. A spot in the household that's been growing for 18 years now void. We're all ready, mostly. Lots of excitement to see what he becomes with real training and immersed 24/7 with peers sharing the same dreams. Anticipation of seeing shows at a higher level than we've been accustomed. But apprehension until the unknown "what will it REALLY mean for him to be gone" becomes known...probably week three or maybe week 4. It's amazing, really, how rapidly the mind can play back 18 years worth of highlights.</p>
<p>To those of you ahead of us on this journey, have the crying towels ready, please, in more than sufficient quantities. To those of you behind us, love your child every minute of every day even when they don't necessarily want the love. The opportunities grow scarce altogether too soon.</p>
<p>Ah, WMonMTDad....I'm weeping! I remember the feelings you are expressing very vividly, having gone through this twice with my own kids. When the oldest went off, it was so emotional. It is such a bittersweet feeling because while it is sad and such a huge departure to have your child whom you have lived with for 18 years leave home basically for good, but at the same time, I was SO excited for her adventures and happy for what she was getting to do and also seeing her so excited and happy when she got to school. But in the initial weeks with her gone, it was tough to get used to. While my kids had gone away every summer, this is not the same because this is really "away for good." It was hard to even go grocery shopping and have to stop myself and think, "wait, I don't need to buy what she wants; she isn't here!" Things like that were tough. Even the younger sibling (do you have a younger one?) found it tough and very odd. She even wrote one of her college essays (was soon after sister had left for her freshman year of college) centered around the feelings of appreciating what she had with a sister and not realizing it until she was gone and how this dawned on her as she had to set the table for only three. I practically cry when I read that essay. So, everyone feels it. And then with the second child, it is the same feeling but also if it is your last child, it is very odd having NO children at home after years of a lifestyle with children. But I can promise you it gets better and you adjust to the new lifestyle. What really helps is frequent contact and they are still in your lives but just not in the day to day stuff at home. It also helps if your children love their schools and are having a great time. There is nothing like knowing your kids are happy. Today with cell phones and emails, it is easy to be in contact no matter where your children are.....minutes ago, I talked to one of my children who arrived in Switzerland today. </p>
<p>So, you'll need your crying towel but things get better. Enjoy this momentous occasion......the fruition of your bringing your son up for 18 years and letting him fly. The ride home from dropping him off is tough. No question. And you will be waiting for those first calls. You really will settle into this major change in your life...promise! Here's hoping that your son has the best time at college! (I didn't realize anyone started college so soon!)</p>
<p>WMonMTDad,
You're leaving early. Is S in the honors program? D is moving in Wednesday. We both have small cars so she actually INVITED me to follow her up with my car loaded, too. It's just 4 hours for us, and I am looking forward to seeing the new dorm.</p>
<p>I remember that trip 2 years ago with my daughter. It wasn't nearly as bad as I expected. I am a big sentimental crybaby, but I didn't shed a tear. For one thing, I felt so comfortable with the school that I was not worried about SOMEONE taking care of her. Also, she found friends right away, and they all pretty much ignored us parents during the orientation time. So when I left, it was bittersweet, but not agonizing, as I was expecting. I came home and cleaned her room good, painted the walls and kept myself busy. </p>
<p>Even with all the technology, I did not call her often (I'm not fond of talking on the telephone) and the first time she came home a month or so later, she thanked me for not calling her every day. There was one boy in the group whose mother called once or more every day to the point that he quit answering his phone when he saw it was her. Just be there when he needs you, but let him fly. I promise he'll come back to the nest once in a while!</p>
<p>We rarely call our kids. We think it works better for them to call us so that it is at a convenient time for them. One of my kids tends to call when she is walking from one thing to another and then it ends with "gotta go, getting in the elevator; getting in the subway!"</p>
<p>I also didn't worry about my kids at school. I just knew they'd like it. But it is fun to get to hear what they are up to. We still get that but just not every night at the dinner table, etc. like before.</p>
<p>I do not call unless there is a message which REALLY needs delivering immediately, otherwise I e-mail the FYI's with some kind of READ THIS NOW in the subject bit. Mine calls from bus stops, while walking, during evening study breaks (to catch his dad at home), etc. I miss lots of calls, since I do not keep my cell phone turned on, but that is okay, too, not at the beck and call. All of this talk of helicopter parents misses the issue of kids relying quite heavily on parents, and there are many more calls than necessary, though lots of problems have been averted from parental versus peer advice.</p>
<p>Ah WMonMTDad- I am looking forward to meeting you soon! We leave at 6am tomorrow via PLANE LOADED with stuff(and stuff already there!). She is off with her friends today for a final lunch and goodbye.</p>
<p>It is rather weird- we keep saying little things that we remember and we just returned from our annual beach trip yesterday which was chock full of ' remember whens'.. I anticipate tears when I depart (and tears from her dad who will drop us off at the airport tomorrow). It is going to be different not being a part of everyday life but it is the way it goes - we raise them to be the best they can be and hope in our hearts they find thier happiness. </p>
<p>I am happy for her and sad for us - no more impromptu concerts - but there is always Thanksgiving!</p>
<p>O my goodness...I was doing so well until I read all of these posts.Our son was the first one out of the nest last year.His school is 15 minutes from our home.I did well moving all of his things in the dorm until he started up his computer....his screen saver was a picture of his room at home.I lost it and was bawling uncontrolably.His roommate had not moved in yet so he rode back home with us to spend 1 more night.I was still crying!!I can lough now but at the time all I could think about was how the family dynamics were forever changed.He was home for the Summer and Wednesday we will move him into an apartment(on campus)The day after Labor Day my D and I will leave for the 6 hour drive to Ohio.I have known since she was born that she was my 1 child who would venture far from home.As the days pass I am flooded with emotions.This "college move" will be different.I will not be there.I can not call and meet for a quick lunch or take her little sister up to campus for an ice cream after dinner......It will be a long drive home.I still have 2 at home,a daughter that is a junior in high school and a 10 year old.I agree with musicmom that it will be bitter sweet.We are in love with the campus and the school.She is so excited to start her college life.I will not call everyday but I will surely be thinking about both of them daily.It is true,they grow up so so fast.Good Luck to all !!!</p>
<p>My oldest is a rising senior in hs, so I feel grateful that I have a little time left before breaking out the hankies! :) But I did want to say that I think there is a wonderful thread about this whole issue (how it feels to drop kids off at school and so forth) on either the Parents' Cafe or the Parents' Forum discussion lists here at College Confidential. There also was a thread (I believe) about how often kids who are away at college call their parents (and vice versa) on one of those two threads. Very interesting reading. It ranges from kids who call their moms and dads every day at least once (usually daughters, it seems!) to kids who don't call often at all. Search those forums and you will find the threads.</p>
<p>Hi all OCU parents (freshman and returning),
I just got back from driving my sophomore daughter down (my, where did that year go?) We arrived Saturday afternoon unloaded the car, unloaded the apartment where some of her stuff had been stored and got her all set up. I was back on a plane to Chicago by 6:00 pm Sunday night - we left her with a car this year. She is thrilled to be "home" and saw lots of friends last night. She is ready to help all the freshman move in and is scheduled to work orientation as well as get a few voice lessons in prior to the start of class. Here we go again. I also got emotional as she dropped me at the airport this time but hopefully the empty nest blues don't last so long this time. Good luck to all. Hope to see you at upcoming musicals and plays. </p>
<p>When I woke this morning I realized that my d has JUST two more weeks before leaving for college. I have been on an emotional roller coaster ever since I came to this realization. This has been such a crazy year with auditions, graduation, summer shows etc. that I really have not stopped to think about it. Now it is staring me in the face and I really don't think I am ready. I know she is, this is what she has wanted for years now and her dad and I have supported her 100%. But today I have been wondering...have I taught her everything she needs to know...are we CRAZY for letting her move to New York...Maybe we should have insisted that she become an accountant or something safe like that...Why didn't we insist on a small conservative college in a small town somewhere...I know I sound crazy, but I feel crazy right now. In two weeks she is leaving the nest and I am so very happy for her. New York-what an adventure! At the same time, I am scared out of my mind. I am also so sad at the thought of her leaving. It will be so quiet around here without her banging on the piano and singing in the shower. Her brothers are going to miss her so much and New York is such a long way from Louisiana. Even with all this going through my mind, she is driving me nuts, procastinating on getting stuff together for the dorm, procrastinating on the household chores, and banging around the kitchen at night when I am trying to sleep. I know it is time for her to go, but I don't want it to be that time.
What a day! I hope I get my act together soon so that I can enjoy every second of the next two weeks.</p>
<p>Musicmom...yes S opted for honors, at least to start. His decision and I admire him for it; really not necessary for MT but something he felt strongly about for the intellectual challenge. Mikksmom's D is the same way apparently as is at least one other of the incoming OCU MTs.</p>
<p>We're here in OKC now and will be here through Wed AM. Honors kids start a few days earlier but those in the new dorm can't get in there until Wed like everyone else.</p>
<p>To everyone else...thanx for the encouraging words. Of course we'll be fine. It's just that head vs heart thing. To be honest, the fact that we're feeling this way is almost something to be proud of. S & D both have talked enough about various friends who clearly don't have the kind of relationships we've managed to build and maintain with the two of them...and they know and recognize how special and blessed that makes them.</p>
<p>We won't be helicopter parents. It's seemed and felt like it at times during this past year trying to master the audition and selection process but ultimately it's important that he begin to skin his knees a bit now. If he doesn't begin to build up those callouses he can't succeed like he needs to. (and truth be told, polite respectful kid that he is, I kind of suspect that there were times this year that he'd have could and would rather have done on his own but allowed me to meddle more that was necessary rather because it was harmless enough to do so and avoided the pain of telling me off).</p>
<p>Thursday is the day for us - moving our daughter into her college. The last of 2 kids. We have it easier than many parents since our son, who's a junior, lives 30 minutes away and our daughter will be attending a school 35 minutes from our home and 1 block from my office. So at least we will continue to have the opportunity to have family dinners from time to time based on everyone's busy schedules and no doubt my daughter will pull the starving student routine and "con" me into a lunch or dinner from time to time during the work week. And in the event of a "crisis" (real or imagined), we can be there in a flash if needed and desired.</p>
<p>But it still is an emotional roller coaster. One moment filled with anticipation of the adventure my daughter is beginning and the next filled with the poignant observation by her that in 4 days she will be departing our home and most likely will never reside here again. One moment running around like nuts making sure all the items on the "lists" have been packed and the next realizing that when I look into her bedroom in 4 days the teddy bear I bought her 3 hours after she was born will no longer be sitting on her bed. It's a time filled with excitement, joy, reminiscing and melancholy as one phase of life ends and another begins for both our daughter and us. My wife and I have talked a lot about how we will fill the silence in our house, refocus our energies more on us and take advantage of being "empty nesters" to explore our relationship in new directions. (I did suggest that now that both kids are out we could start exploring our relationship anew by becoming nudists around the house but for some reason the suggestion fell on deaf ears.) I think that what's so important for us is that as our youngest moves on in her life, that we do too and take advantage of the opportunity to grow and develop and enjoy life in ways that were not available before because of the demands of hands on parenting.</p>
<p>Of course, we will still be there for our daughter as we have been for our son, but from a distance, giving her the room to grow and develop as an independent adult running her own life. There's a balance to be achieved between maintaining open communication and avoiding being intrusive which is not always easy to define, between being supportive and avoiding falling back into old roles. In some ways we have the benefit of having gone through this with our son (and we are still learning) and having experienced our daughter attending a 6 week summer college program 3 1/2 hours away last summer. In others, I have no doubt we will be groping our way along as we and our daughter adjust. It should certainly be interesting and hopefully often fun.</p>
<p>We dodged an emotinal bullet today by having lunch with my wife's sister and her family. So we didn't have Sunday lunch with an empty seat at the table.</p>
<p>On the related topic of helicopter parents...We haven't called yet. two brief calls, both originated by him to give a brief update as he went through various levelings and testings. Roommate situation will be interesting as all three of his suitemates are friends from the same school; a fourth didn't get his deposit sent in time and ended up in a private room. The gang moved in with full parental entourage and brought along a 52" big screen from home (apparently Dad used that as an excuse to get himself a plasma to replace it). The screen was damaged while moving in. The guys decided they'd look into geting the screen repaired. Parents decided it would be better to just go ahead and get a 57" HD!!!!!! Oh my! Of course, now that they had the TV they found that the existing couch and chairs in the common room of the suite weren't big enough for them, the 4th friend, a girlfriend and the girlfriend's roommate so they then went out and got an extra futon. I'm beginning to think S has found himself with roommates who have aircraft carrier parents...constant overhead patrols and resupply.</p>
<p>The other three were film students, so I guess they'll have more time for the TV than S will. He's already spending time in the practice rooms.</p>
<p>Geesh! In the long run, I'm wondering if just making an "unofficial" switch with the original 4th would be a better move! (I'm assuming private room costs more??) My guess is that the 4th sounds like he (and GF) will be there every waking hour anyway...</p>
<p>I am fascinated that kids bring TV sets (nevermind huge, hulking screens in HD) to school. Back in "the day," if you wanted to watch TV, you went to the student lounge. I am amazed kids can get their homework/studying done with TV and the computer (email, facebook, etc.) there.</p>
<p>Well, my guys left yesterday morning (all 3 of them) and I still cry when they go. How can I help it....it's the most amazing time when they are all home!! The water works don't last quite as long...that is the good news with experience. My twins are seniors this year...and probably off to NYC after graduation...ee-gads...where have the years gone?????!!!!!!!!!</p>
<p>My D also off to school yesterday -- and already in rehearsal for her first show. So far I haven't been hit by the weepies -- but I suspect it'll happen when I start cleaning out her room! Seriously though -- my sadness is very much tempered by the fact that she's having a wonderful time and doing what she really loves. For those of you who are parents of freshmen -- the first few months will probably be tough, but it does get better!</p>
<p>Although we brought my daughter to school a week ago now, she is just starting her first day of classes today! The past week for her has been filled with orientation happenings, meeting new kids, decorating her room and pretty much having a great time. The past week for me has been a little harder as I really need to adjust to the way things will be around the house now without her here every day! </p>
<p>But I do feel better knowing that my daughter is happy and fortunate enough to be attending the school she dreamed attending about 1 year ago! She already adores her small knit group of drama/mt kids (which is a good thing because they have just about every class together!) After watching each either other's monologues the other day, she said she is just amazed at the talent she is surrounded by and is so eager to learn from everyone. She also said that the sophomore drama/mt kids have been the most supportive and welcoming group and it is nice to know there are people watching out for her. Hearing the excitement in her voice does make it easier and the little text message here and there makes the miles apart seem closer. </p>
<p>I think about the fact that so many of you are starting your applications and to prepare for auditions. Good luck to all of you! The year flies by...</p>
<p>I love this thread, as it makes it easier to imagine what (with luck) my own D and our family may be experiencing a year from now. Please know that those of us whose kids are about to embark on the audition/admissions process love hearing updates on how and what your kids (who have already been through it all!) are doing. Congratulations to them all! And please, keep the posts coming. They are very encouraging and informative.</p>
<p>After reading this thread, I came across this article in the Washington Post. Thought people here might enjoy it, though it has nothing to do with MT!</p>