the freshman *fifty*

Parents Forum
1

<p>I am a (female) college student currently in the first summer semester after my first year in college... let me start by saying that this year, i ruined my formerly good health and am now so depressed i can barely function. =/</p>

<p>my parents (particularly my dad who used to be a trainer) are health fanatics. my sister and i were never allowed to touch anything vaguely unhealthy even when we were older. My dad always read books about food and health and fitness and subscribed to all these fitness and exercise magazines. We used to have a great time making fun of all his silly men's health-related magazines, lol. So they passed these traits down to us and we were always very healthy. They are nice people but so neurotic about healthy eating, and by extension so am (was) I. </p>

<p>Anyway, I finished HS and I had never had anything to drink, not because I was opposed to it morally or afraid of getting caught but because the thought of drinking beer and getting drunk repulsed me and made me nervous. But at orientation, a friend dragged me to a party and I ended up drinking, not much, but enough to make me feel kind of "tipsy." I had a good time and once school started I was partying almost every weekend. </p>

<p>Long story short, with the drinking I started to get more social and I was regularly eating foods I had literally never had before - fried chicken and burgers became a staple, for example. By the third month or so my health had gone out the window and I would milk the all-you-can-eat cafeterias on campus for all I could, just loading up and up until I was full. This is what everyone seemed to be doing. And with the constant drinking (and I'll say here that I don't consider myself an alcoholic, I just enjoy drinking socially like any college student), my diet had just changed RADICALLY. I also basically stopped exercising and was smoking socially.</p>

<p>At the beginning of summer, i had gained exactly 45.5 pounds since the beginning of the school year. I'm not very tall or anything so you can REALLY tell, i've had to buy new clothes all year and am significantly overweight. I'm not morbidly obese or anything and I'm sure there are plenty of people that could be healthy at my weight, but I just feel like a different person. </p>

<p>I just don't know what to do now. I didn't realize what a problem i was having until spring semester was over and finally things slowed down and my friends were going home. Plus my dad is so disappointed with me, he would never outright call me fat, but just the way he looks at me when I'm eating or walking around has changed and he's stopped discussing health and fitness with me, which is like all he talks about with other people. </p>

<p>And now i'm depressed. So depressed that sometimes I just can't go to class or go out in public and i just sit inside crying. My grades so far this summer are lousy at best. If I see my reflection in anything I cry and cry. plus I just don't FEEL good, i'm always bloated or sore or i have a headache. The worst thing is that for the last couple of weeks I can barely bring myself to eat anything, I only eat maybe a bowl of soup or some cereal or crackers every day and i feel ashamed eating much else. </p>

<p>my main question is, has anyone else dealt with this much weight gain and how on EARTH did you adjust to it. I guess I asked it here because I felt like parents would be able to give me more sincere/informed responses. thanks!</p>

2

<p>Some questions:</p>

<p>Do you still like the healthy foods? Could you go back to them?</p>

<p>Are you ADD? </p>

<p>Would you say you have impulse control problems, such as excessive spending?</p>

3

<p>Since you had lived a healthy lifestyle up to one year ago,just step back into an exercise program,on e that you can continue while at school…perhaps don’t eat as poorly as you did this year…Don’t feel so down on yourself,what you have experienced this year happens to many freshmen…take the punds off slowly,you don’t need to be a fitness machine to be healthy…best of luck</p>

4

<p>You have to be motivated to make the change and start eating and treating yourself healthier! I would recommend tracking everything you eat - it really keeps you accountable! If you have a smart phone they have some great apps as well where you can track both eating and exercising. </p>

<p>Don’t make radical changes you can’t live with but work on making changes you can - add in exercise, make smarter food choices (really if you have to log it you will be more motivated to work out more and eat less when you see the totals in front of you).</p>

<p>The key though is to recognize you are unhappy and don’t want this to be worse -now is the time to make the changes and have some patience and you will see results.</p>

5

<p>My thyroid stopped working while I was in college and I gained about fifty pounds, having never been overweight before a day in my life. I was horribly ill the entire time I was in school and could barely eat because of it and it just seemed so unfair that I was /gaining/ weight. I gained weight for different reasons than you did, but it was still agonizing to feel so out of control and have to deal with what it was like being “fat” when I’d never had to worry about that before-- and I gained SO MUCH. </p>

<p>My dad and my paternal grandparents are really hot about health-- it’s completely unfair because they all smoked like fiends up until the last two decades or so and drink excessively and abuse pain meds, but since they’re not fat they’re OBVIOUSLY superior. And all of the women on my moms side of the family are overweight, so to them it was just sort of like “welcome to the club” which was probably even more upsetting.</p>

<p>You have a huge leg up over me in that what caused your weight gain is fully within your control and you have a lifetime of practice with healthy habits. I never had that-- I ate my first vegetable in college. I had to learn the hard way with no parental guidance once I was already overweight, and I have to grapple with keeping my thyroid and my metabolism in check or else I gain again and no amount of exercise or healthy eating makes a difference. You have had years of experience eating right and exercising and doing what you need to do-- so you just need to slowly start working your way back into those old habits. It’s not like you can never have a slice of pizza like before, but you can find a middle ground. Don’t starve yourself, that just makes your body hold onto calories more. Talk to your doctor for advice, and maybe even your dad. He just wants the best for you-- I’m sure he loves you either way, and he’d be so proud to know that you still care about being healthy and that you’re willing to work on it.</p>

<p>As for the self-esteem, what I told myself is that it is 100% NORMAL for my weight to fluctuate. I am a human being, and I am a woman, it is just a fact of life that in some periods of my life I am going to be heavier than others. And that is okay! I had to forgive myself for that and let it go. I bought cute clothes that flattered my figure the best I could, I took care of my hair and my skin and all those other things that made me feel good, and I started working towards getting the weight off again. I really think you have to find a way to love the body you have before you can change it healthily. I didn’t LIKE being as overweight as I was, but I taught myself not to resent myself for it-- I think that’s important.</p>

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<p>I don’t know exactly how much the OP’s diet has changed, but is it possible that the parents are fanatical about healthy eating because they have slower metabolisms, and that this inherited metabolism has accelerated the weight gain once she stepped off the straight-and-narrow? I’m just wondering whether the OP’s natural weight when eating like a normal person would be 20 lbs over her high school weight, and that perhaps this is part of the problem.</p>

<p>Unfortunately, it looks like things were so restrictive for the OP that now she has gone off the deep end. Cutting out booze would be a start. I would start out slow and see what happens. Maybe exercise 3 x a week, eat regular meals but with lean rather than fried foods and maybe one desert. Nothing extreme. Make it your goal to feel more healthy, get rid of the headaches, and not feel bloated. Remember that taking off pounds too fast is also unhealthy. Taking off more than 1-1.5 lbs a week is unhealthy I think. </p>

<p>And really, it’s nothing to be ashamed about.</p>

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<p>I had the opposite happen to me, right before seventh grade I lost 30 pounds in a month due to a digestive disorder and I can tell you I would rather be in your shoes. Reestablish a good relationship to food and work out, thats how I had to get healthy. Realize that you need to enjoy eating again, but make better decisions on what to eat.</p>

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<p>

Don’t be silly, of course you know what to do. Just read back over your post and you’ll see you basically wrote what to do. It really boils down to what ‘not’ to do. You need to work your way back to the healthy lifestyle you had before that you can thank your parents for. </p>

<p>From your post it also sounds like you allow yourself to be highly influenced by your peers. It’s time to think for yourself and take care of yourself. </p>

<ol>
<li><p>Think for yourself. Don’t allow your peers to influence your behavior so much. Do what’s best for you. There are people at your college who are compatible with this although you may be hanging out with different people.</p></li>
<li><p>Quit the smoking entirely. It has so many negative effects it’s ridiculous to ever start.</p></li>
<li><p>Quit the alcohol. Alcohol has a lot of calories in it and when consumed in too large of quantities has other detrimental effects including the consumer being in a state where they make poor decisions, can be taken advantage of, emotions aren’t working the same as when not consuming large quantities, other risks if one drives after having alcohol, and potential legal and school issues if caught drinking underage. If you’re drinking ‘to be sociable’ - quit it. If you can’t participate with a group of people without drinking like they are then find better friends. You may find a lot of people, even if they’re drinking somewhat, don’t actually care if you don’t drink. Some of this is related to maturity though so some college students aren’t in this category. If someday you decide to drink, drink very moderately so the alcohol doesn’t influence you and so you don’t pack on too many calories. Make sure you know how many calories are in a beer, glass of wine, and a mixed drink.</p></li>
<li><p>Sorry, very few people can get away with eating pizza and burgers for every meal (and probaly lots of chips, cookies, etc. outside of that) without gaining weight. You simply need to make healthier choices and it might entail saying ‘no’ sometimes when you’re with other people and will require some self control at the cafeteria so you don’t go hog wild just because you can. There’s no ‘free lunch’ when it comes to the calories.</p></li>
<li><p>Make sure you have some physical activities as part of your daily regimen. This can be using the gym on campus, walking, running, swimming, etc. </p></li>
<li><p>Listen to your parents on this subject - they obviously knew what they were talking about. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>Look up the definition of morbidly obese. You might be closer to it than you realize. </p>

<p>The weight gain and all of its ramifications are likely depressing to someone like you who gained it so quickly. Once you turn it around you’ll likely feel better about yourself.</p>

<p>You can likely turn this around pretty quickly if you want to. You already know how to do it by reverting to your health lifestyle before you started making your own decisions with an attitude of abandon. You’re in a better situation than a lot of people who’ve had an unhealthy lifestyle most of their lives and have been overweight most of their lives. </p>

<p>Take a look in the mirror - you’re the one who needs to decide to make a change, you’re the only one who controls what you put in your mouth, you need to take charge of yourself and quit letting others influence you so negatively.</p>

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<p>you should have noticed, and stopped, after you gained about five pounds. its time to start exercising and having self control with food</p>

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<p>You’ve taken the first step and recognized that you have a problem. The good news is that at your age, it’s really not that hard to get rid of the extra pounds. I was able to lose 20 pounds the summer after I graduated from college and again the summer after graduating from grad school by stepping up the exercise and eating less (but still eating pretty normally.) </p>

<p>Here’s some suggestions. If there are parties it’s hard not to drink some, but at the very least you can either dilute what you are drinking with seltzer, and/or limit yourself to two drinks and drink seltzer the rest of the time. Then get back on track about what a normal portion is. Protein- deck of cards, Vegetable - tennis ball, Salad has much as you like but try to stick to one TB of dressing. Limit your desserts to once or twice a week if you’ll feel deprived without them. Look for opportunities to get exercise. If there is a game like racket ball or tennis find a partner. Get to the gym. Take the stairs. Walk places even if you could take the campus shuttle. Skip the fried food and chips.</p>

<p>It’s really, really easy to gain weight at college. You’ve gained more than average, but you can get back to a normal weight.</p>

<p>Yes, and please, please, please stop smoking. Nicotine is one of the most addictive substances around. It is foolish to play with it.</p>

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<p>If you need some support for this, consider going to a Weight Watchers group. It would give you some structure for an eating plan, but would still allow a complete range of foods, and even an occasional drink.</p>

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<p>So you joined the real world. (I know I’ll get flack for that!). It’s one thing when your diet is constantly monitored (by trainer or parents) and another when you’re on your own. Not only is it new to you but some of the foods (and they are yummy) are also.
Get a new key word–moderation. Everything in moderation. Don’t skip the party, don’t deny yourself a special pleasure. BUT balance the food with exercise (moderate food=moderate exercise). Yeah, it’ll take extra to get rid of extra pounds but don’t go overboard but work with a gradual goal in mind (it’ll be easier to maintain).</p>

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<p>One other point: do you have access to a kitchen or refrigerator in your living space for next year? D1 said that she couldn’t believe that there wasn’t an outbreak of scurvy in college students because no one ate fruits or veggies except for her :wink: Even though she had access to a full meal plan, by 2 months in she was going to the supermarket once a week and buying bagged salad mix along with other veggies & fruits, plus things like greek yogurt.</p>

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<p>oh wow, thanks for all the comments, I expected just a few people scolding me to get in control of myself and shut up and go away. </p>

<p>just to answer a few questions that have come up…</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>I do not have ADD. I do still like the healthy foods, it’s just that i opened pandora’s box by getting into unhealthy foods… it’s like, why spend so much money on fresh, healthy produce when you can just go to Wendy’s for cheaper? i realize how ridiculous this sounds and i’m really going to try to force myself out of the apartment to go to the store in a couple of days. </p>

<p>as far as the impulse control thing, I’d say that i guess I have some small problems with that… i do often spend too much just as kind of a leisure activity, but I wouldn’t say I’m a crazy, compulsive shopper or anything like that… </p>

<p>something else I didn’t mention in my post was that I did kind of have an eating disorder in high school. I wasn’t terribly unhealthy but I did skip meals very often or throw away food and a few times and got obsessed with reading pro-anorexia websites (yes, they exist unfortunately) and looking at “thinspiration” (i.e. pictures of stick-thin models and celebrities). This phase only lasted a few months though, thank god, and i think it was because of extreme stress and pressure (I was a dancer and basketball player in HS, very active in both things).</p>

<p>whatever though, when I wrote this post I wasn’t quite thinking clear. i know I’m in control here and can’t let food control my life like this.</p>

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<p>Here’s what you can do: today, right after you read this, go for a long walk. Say, a mile and a half, maybe two miles. I promise you that when you’re back home, you’ll feel better. Tonight, eat a healthful dinner: veggies, protein, some fruit. Double up on the veggies. Tomorrow morning go for a bike ride before work or whatever it is you’re doing over the summer. Go food shopping - for all the healthful staples you’ve relied on for the first 18 years in your life. Tonight, go for a walk again. Repeat this for a week. Gradually add to both the bike riding and the walking. Maybe add weights as you walk. Maybe start running a bit. Or take a dance class 3 times a week. Call some of your basketball friends and go play. Add weekend activities. Follow this routine for the rest of the summer. At your age the weight will come off fairly quickly. Can’t say you’ll lose all your excess weight but I promise that by September you will like yourself a lot more than you do now. And your Dad will have a new respect for his healthy daughter who overcame quite a challenge. Good luck! You have age in your favor and you know how to lead a healthful life. Now go live it. :)</p>

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<p>I would also suggest that you go see your doctor for a checkup and a conversation about your eating habits.</p>

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<p>You’ve got lots of good suggestions here for the physical problem…but you’re talking about about a mental health issue too. Your parents are, as you say, “health fanatics”, “neurotic” about eating. As you make your way toward adulthood, you’ve broken from some of their ways, and gone too far in the other direction. It’s hard to find a balance in life, and when you’ve been raised in an atmosphere that’s fanatical about anything, you’re bound to feel some confusion. </p>

<p>So yes, get up and have some fruit and cereal for breakfast, take a good walk or run or bike ride tomorrow. Then, call the student mental health service and find yourself a therapist to talk to about this. You’ll have set yourself on a path to physical and mental health. I suspect your depression will begin to clear very quickly, and the weight will follow. Meanwhile-- I assume your parents value other things about you than your weight? You sound like a thoughtful, intelligent, fun person-- those attributes are still right there.</p>

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<p>I’m so glad Gwen Fairfax mentioned mental health counseling. That’s the first thing that came to mind when I read your post. Eating is a strange activity. Even though, like breathing, we do it to keep our bodies alive, we also use it as a substitute for love we want but don’t get, as a way to rebel against restrictions that we resent, and as reaction to boredom. An eating disorder (which is, after all, what you are describing) requires professional help to overcome. Good luck, and please come back and let us know how you’re doing.</p>

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<p>Don’t let food control your life, but also don’t let your parents (or anyone else) control the food in your life. College is exactly the right time to start figuring out which of your values are different from those you were raised with. Go forward with confidence and know that you are becoming your own person, and that these issues will be resolved in your own way, no one else’s, and that it will take some time. Don’t feel bad about that.</p>

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<p>I want to echo the Weight Watchers suggestion. My DD gained some weight in the fall when she went to college. She never had a weight issue before and never needed parameters. She went to one WW meeting with me over Thanksgiving break and read up on the program. It gave her the structure she needed. She did really well - and of course it was easier over her long winter break being home. I know she still struggles a bit but at least she has guidelines and can keep things in control.</p>

<p>If you can find WW meetings to go to, the people can give you support regarding your family situation and help you understand that. You can then understand “what’s eating you” to cause you to go the other way. </p>

<p>Good luck to you. I went through the ups and downs during college. It’s about choices. Decide what you want more - to fit comfortably in your jeans or another beer and midnight pizza.</p>

<p>You’re young. You can do it.</p>