S & DIL FaceTimed with me on Wednesday night to announce they are expecting another baby. I wasn’t too surprised as they had expressed the desire for another and DIL just turned 38. Next grandchild is due in mid-October and I did say I hoped I would get to meet & hold D’s baby, born 3/21, before the next one arrives! DIL has had all blood work and things look good, but they don’t know gender yet. We are having a family Zoom meeting on Saturday for a gender reveal. I will be excited to find out what is coming their way, but a little disappointed to miss getting to actually eat a bit of the cake - ha! Something to look forward to for the weekend!
Indulging myself in sharing that H and I are getting TWO more grandchildren this summer – not twins, but both D and DIL are expecting within a couple of months of each other! We currently have two delightful grandsons (ages four and two), and know that the third grandchild will be a sister to them. Fourth grandchild will be the first for S and his wife. Very exciting, but hoping that by the time due dates are coming, the hospitals will be functioning normally. Both pregnant ladies are having their OB appointments via telemed – not ideal, but working for them so far.
Hearty felicitations, @romanigypsyeyes , and hoping health and happiness surround you all!
Update from my time assisting DD and SIL with GKids while daycare is closed “until further notice”. GD, 22 months, just had a timeout while mom was working in kitchen for supper and GD took plastic cutting boards out and didn’t want to return. I went to help GD, but since she didn’t want to do as told she earned a ‘timeout’. SIL is working in next BR (not known by GD - we get her in a room and then SIL makes an entrance from the front door). I imagine he will wonder about her crying/screaming - but the lesson ‘stuck’. She was doing something else and didn’t want to cooperate until I asked her “do you want another time out?” and she immediately cooperated.
GS, now 9 months old, is an easy baby.
GD is allowed to stay up w/o a set bedtime routine at appointed time. SIL is in charge of getting her to sleep, and he almost always sleeps then in the nursery on the twin bed because GD wakes up during the night every night, and DD is breast feeding GS in master BR during his schedule.
GD was sleeping yesterday morning and took a morning nap in addition to an afternoon nap. SIL was telling me not to allow a morning nap or allowing GD to sleep until she naturally wakes. I told SIL I am an unpaid babysitter and if the job I am doing is not to his satisfaction I can go home. He backed down. I told him GD has had the night time issue before I was the daytime caregiver, and I am not allowing her to excessively sleep during the day. DD today asked me when she got home about how the day went and I told her.
SIL comes out to the kitchen during GD’s afternoon nap - he takes his lunch in with him but it allows him to get a cold drink or anything else he wants from the kitchen.
SIL works out some mornings early - which he needs to do for his Army Reserve and other career aspirations (he is working out with a friend at friend’s home). It turns out he has Thursday and Friday off, but instead of me leaving at supper time Wed, I need to stay until SIL finishes Thursday morning workout.
Oh, and DD is making Lamb on Thursday but won’t move it up so I can also enjoy.
Thankfully spending time with the GKids is good. I am foregoing my paid job.
DD/SIL are a bit narrow in their thinking.
SOS
So SIL was to work out with his friend Tues/Wed/Thur, but he slept in today (Wed). Well he needs to ‘walk the walk’ - I am needed at home and why should I stay an extra night and half a day when he doesn’t do his part? When DD left for work this morning (at 6:20 am) I discussed with her and she cited that I didn’t have GD up before 7 am Tuesday so GD kept SIL up last night…I nudged SIL awake at 7 am and his comment to me is “GD should be up by now” - well I mentioned that he needs to get moving before she does wake up or it is ‘game over’ on his work in the master BR w/o her knowing it. GD did not oversleep yesterday, she just doesn’t have enough of a bedtime routine and ‘plays’ until she is dead tired and is rocked to sleep. It was close to midnight when she finally went to sleep.
I am going to be ready to go when DD returns from work, and will stay until SIL finishes work today. He has Thursday and Friday off from work. DD is also off from work on Friday.
Somehow SIL doesn’t get the idea that in order for him to ‘lead’ this family, he needs to do everything he can in his own leadership. I won’t be taken advantage of. My DD needs to figure out that maybe she needs to be a little less giving. If I wasn’t helping her, she would be totally exhausted.
If either DD or SIL give me grief about leaving this evening, I am going to ask them to call DH and explain to him why I am needed to stay another night when SIL skips his workout the day before and inconveniences us. I was willing to do my part but he isn’t willing to do his part unless really pushed.
So as soon as SIL had his lunch packed and he was in the master BR, I got GD up (7:30 am) and she cried and immediately fell back asleep when I put her on the couch. IMHO if SIL goes to the nursery with her an hour before they want her to be asleep, and he only reads a few bedtime books and fakes sleeping, she will relax and go to sleep too. Instead he caters to her and allows her to get her second wind.
I saw an article in the newspaper that I am leaving them (Washington Post) printed in our newspaper 4-5-2020 titled “Set some boundaries, let other things go with rebellious toddler”. Q was with 2 1/2 year old rebelling with bedtime/sleeping, eating and potty training. I agree with the answer - “Do not worry about potty training. Put a pull-up on the child and move on.” Toddler didn’t want to eat much at supper time - also agree with answer “As for food, dinner is the worst meal of the day for every child, so load her up with her needed calories in the first half of the day, offer her a little food at night and leave it be. She will come around in the next couple of months.” Here is the night answer “As for night, well, that’s a toughie. You have to decide if you care about her getting into your bed and what you are willing to do about it. Because sleep is so important, I am loath to lecture parents about marching children back to bed in the middle of the night, but I also respect that this is what may need to happen. Get a plan together. Know that it will get better.”
@SOSConcern When this quarantine is over, you need to quit and just be a grandma to these kids. Being an unpaid caregiver is stressful. You are way too invested in your kids’ parenting choices (and for the most part, I agree with your thinking), but you need to let them make their own decisions., even if they are bad ones.
It’s easier said than done, I know. I am also trying to keep my mouth shut about my D and SIL’s issues with their 9 month old’s sleep, because pushing what I think won’t work, isn’t helpful, and may erode our relationship.
Are you right? Probably, at least from a standpoint of order and discipline in the home, but it isn’t always right to be right.
It was easy for me to take the coward’s way out approach to grandparenting, since daughter-in-law’s mother was going to give any necessary advice, and her judgement is impeccable.
Some of the very best parenting advice I ever received was from my own parents when my toddlers were absolute hellions: Reinforce positive behaviors rather than focus on negative ones. Find something, anything, to praise.
It wasn’t till the last few years I understood they were using that philosophy on me, too, at that time.
I am sad that we don’t get to see GD for her first Easter. I know there are worse things in the world. I sent her a bunny and some bunny ears. We usually see her once or twice a month and now it has been way too long. I am hoping life is somewhat back to normal and we will be able to see her on her first birthday Memorial Day Weekend.
As far as parenting goes, DS and DIL are making a lot of the same mistakes my husband and I made with DD and DS1. It wasn’t until DS2 came around that we figured out sleeping in the crib, nighttime routines, setting limits, etc…
So today DIL sent a short video of GD (18 months) “reading” a chapter book. She loves books, but got out 2 thick ones with no pictures and is just jabbering away as she turns the pages.
My 18 month GD recently figured out how to remove her diaper, which she really likes to do while in her crib after she unzips her sleep sack! I have a picture of her outside playing in water with the diaper half on and half off. My son has decided maybe it is time to potty train, especially since they are home; I am not sure she is ready, but if they want to try, I said go for it.
DD and SIL have been fine - they know the bedtime with GD is a problem. They now have a full week back by themselves again - which is great for them to have the time off (SIL is off Thurs/Fri and DD took off Mon/Tues/Wed). DD is trying to line up other care Thur/Fri next week so I have the week off - we will see how that works.
Their normal routine before C19 DD was often quite exhausted. Her coworkers are telling her she looks so rested.
GKids have been doing great overall. Both Gkids are very adorable and loving.
SIL is starting to recognize GD seeking attention and doing negative behaviors sometimes to get the attention.
Before I left, I talked to DD about SIL doing a bedtime routine with GD - go into her room at 9 pm and only take a few bedtime books. After reading, laying down on the bed (twin bed in the room) and say “sleepy time” and get her to lay down next to him (better than rocking her to sleep every night). The goal would be have her to sleep by 10 pm. As time goes on, maybe he can get her to lay down in her ‘big girl bed’. At nap time, I sit next to her on the couch for just a few minutes.
She might resist the new bedtime routine - the bedroom door can lock and she can open and shut the door but not worked out the lock issue. Nothing else is going on in the apt as DD and GS are either crashed out or resting. Heck they can go to bed. But it is DD/SIL’s choice to give up their evenings with GD being in charge.
I am ready for the other routine to get back - when I only go about one weekend a month and that is when SIL is at Army Reserves. I can work my job and earn my paychecks until H and I retire 10/2021.
SIL is getting use to me and we like each other. He is becoming more flexible and less of a ‘know it all’.
DD/SIL are figuring out how some of their ideas just don’t work (doesn’t parenting humble people a lot?) - in and out of parenting.
H was one of 4 kids and I was one of 5. Parents were very ready to move on - sending us off to college and ‘then on your own’, and they liked the GKs but not responsible for a lot of care with them - almost all were short visits. I told DD/SIL “they were worn out.” My parents were able to travel some before my dad’s early death. SIL’s father and mother have health issues, so even though just a few years older than H and I, they just are not capable of ‘helping’ them in a time of crisis and they also live an extra 200 miles away. I imagine H and I will be helpful with a major relocation for them - we helped them with apt move this last time quite a lot and some friends helped them some too. Help is a large part with them having young children which adds a layer of need for help.
GD is saying some adorable things at 23 months - I told DD to capture it on video. Saying “Humpty Dumpty”, “CockadoodleDoo” and doing the other animal sounds. When you do ‘shush’ she puts her finger on her nose instead of her lips.
I wrote a post that is getting ‘flagged for moderation’. IDK if it is because of its length???
Oh the post did go through…looking forward to more time with Gkids after my break.
DD and SIL have been fine - they know the bedtime with GD is a problem. They now have a full week back by themselves again - which is great for them to have the time off (SIL is off Thurs/Fri and DD took off Mon/Tues/Wed). DD is trying to line up other care Thur/Fri next week so I have the week off - we will see how that works.
Their normal routine before C19 DD was often quite exhausted. Her coworkers are telling her she looks so rested.
GKids have been doing great overall. Both Gkids are very adorable and loving.
SIL is starting to recognize GD seeking attention and doing negative behaviors sometimes to get the attention.
Before I left, I talked to DD about SIL doing a bedtime routine with GD - go into her room at 9 pm and only take a few bedtime books. After reading, laying down on the bed (twin bed in the room) and say “sleepy time” and get her to lay down next to him (better than rocking her to sleep every night). The goal would be have her to sleep by 10 pm. As time goes on, maybe he can get her to lay down in her ‘big girl bed’. At nap time, I sit next to her on the couch for just a few minutes.
She might resist the new bedtime routine - the bedroom door can lock and she can open and shut the door but not worked out the lock issue. Nothing else is going on in the apt as DD and GS are either crashed out or resting. Heck they can go to bed. But it is DD/SIL’s choice to give up their evenings with GD being in charge.
I am ready for the other routine to get back - when I only go about one weekend a month and that is when SIL is at Army Reserves. I can work my job and earn my paychecks until H and I retire 10/2021.
SIL is getting use to me and we like each other. He is becoming more flexible and less of a ‘know it all’.
DD/SIL are figuring out how some of their ideas just don’t work (doesn’t parenting humble people a lot?) - in and out of parenting.
H was one of 4 kids and I was one of 5. Parents were very ready to move on - sending us off to college and ‘then on your own’, and they liked the GKs but not responsible for a lot of care with them - almost all were short visits. I told DD/SIL “they were worn out.” My parents were able to travel some before my dad’s early death. SIL’s father and mother have health issues, so even though just a few years older than H and I, they just are not capable of ‘helping’ them in a time of crisis and they also live an extra 200 miles away. I imagine H and I will be helpful with a major relocation for them - we helped them with apt move this last time quite a lot and some friends helped them some too. Help is a large part with them having young children which adds a layer of need for help.
GD is saying some adorable things at 23 months - I told DD to capture it on video. Saying “Humpty Dumpty”, “■■■■-a-doodle Doo” and doing the other animal sounds. When you do ‘shush’ she puts her finger on her nose instead of her lips.
DGS is 6 1/2 months old and now sitting up. Such a luminous little snuggle-bunny! We are still seeing DD and DGS several times a week, even during the social distancing, as DD needs to come over to our house so her spouse can work from home undisturbed. (We’ve been doing this since early March; they only see us and we only see them, so it is safe.) I do my best NOT to offer too much baby-rearing advice. It’s all very well for the research to show that babies sleep better in their cribs, but I know that I didn’t have the heart to let my kids cry it out, and I’m not surprised that DD doesn’t either. And routines are great, but I know that I didn’t create clear routines until baby number 2 came along, and I imagine it will be similar with DD. My heart goes out to all grandparents who are unable to hug their grandchildren. Our new Covid-19 cases have dropped to just one or two a day in my city, and I am hopeful that we will be able to relax rules by mid-May.
My D set up an Easter egg hunt for 16 month old GD this morning. GD found and opened eggs with Cheerios, toys she already owned, and a grand prize of a cookie, while H and I stood behind the fence in one place, and S and his GF stood in another place, and everyone socially distancely enjoyed watching the hunt. It was poignant and wonderful and GD had a wonderful Easter, and refound her eggs many times. And it meant so much to my D to pull it off, since she lives for meaningful events for GD.
My daughter commented on all the FB and IG photos of friend’s little ones in their Easter outfits and baskets. She wanted to know how anyone had the time to get this done; my husband replied, “Those that plan ahead had no problem.”
Wednesday, my DIL had a craving for a burger, so they decided to get Shake Shack delivered; it arrived during my husband’s family Zoom seder. 
Today, while my 18 month old GD was napping, my DIL made her an Easter basket with books and toys she hasn’t seen in a while, along with fruit snacks and juice pouches. While my DIL says they really blew Passover and Easter this year, the baby was happy with her burger and snacks.
We all make do with what we have!
Congratulations, frazzled1! Boys are so much fun! Wishes for so much happiness. Somehow I missed your great news.
@runnersmom, How is the full house? Wow!
@SOSConcern, I am sorry. It must be super stressful. Glad you have some time to relax now.
@2VU0609, Is your next grandchild a boy or a girl?
So much good news with new babies on the way and fun times for your grandchildren ~ reading the posts here brightened up my day. Thank you! ?
((HUGS)) to all of you missing your grandchildren. D has a slower schedule the next two weeks, barring any problems for her partners or their families, and I am looking forward to a bit of down time.
S, DIL & GS departed yesterday for a week or so. They are going to a house DIL’s mother rented about 30 minutes north of here. She has been self-isolated for the last three weeks, seeing no one and having groceries delivered to her trunk, so we are comfortable with the kids going back and forth. The big question is whether she (71 y/o) can handle GS during the day while his parents work full-time. At our house there are two of us and we are a bit younger. He is becoming a handful at 17 months and the developmental changes, good and hard, are monumental. His sleep has become disrupted and he gets up at 4:30am. S and DIL have lived through this multiple times already and are prepared to let him cry it out but it’s hard for them knowing others are impacted in their current living conditions. Their plan going forward, I think, is 4 days here (the work-week) and three days there (long weekend).
But I wouldn’t trade this time for the world. While I wish we were not living in this alternate apocalypse, the silver lining in my life is waking up to the sweet smile that welcomes me when I walk down the stairs in the morning. It gets me through the day. When it gets hard to bite my tongue to avoid offering unwanted parenting advice, I remember that he’s their son and they will find their own path. When it gets too hard, I just leave the room!
I can’t imagine what those of you who have had to postpone visits or stand apart to see your grandbabies are feeling. All I can offer is the less than comforting, “this too, will pass.” Thank goodness for FaceTime and Zoom!