<p>I think that there are probably some other things going on for you. People generally don’t find themselves stuck like you are (really wanting to do something - in your case using your time in ways that you see as more productive - but not being able to) unless they perceive a large obstacle in the way. It’s hard for me to believe that it’s just the enticing nature of the internet that’s keeping you from what you really want to do.</p>
<p>Regardless though, over time your disdain for how your spending your free time will probably grow until you won’t be able to tolerate surfing the web any longer, and you will try something - anything - that feels more productive. And your post is evidence that your already on this track (I would bet your more discontent with your behavior than you were a few months ago).</p>
<p>Of course, the troubling part is that there should not be so much internal conflict in the process. (Well, that is my view). I think self development (which is what you seem to be interested in - changing yourself for the better) should ideally be more fluid and continuous (more subconscious). You are wanting to take a sort of giant leap, however, which is obviously more challenging, but also interesting, and still, in my opinion, probably a good thing. I am just sorry that you may have to struggle.</p>