<p>I had posted a similar thread but it was apparently in the wrong section. So, my question is this. My child is an introvert and a trend I've noticed with colleges is that they all seem to want that leader/extrovert type of candidate. My daughter is getting somewhat discouraged because she believes that she won't fit into these schools where the admissions make it sound like they are selecting and looking for the extrovert extraordinaire. She loves the schools but not the admissions if that makes sense.</p>
<p>I'll give a quick example. Yesterday she was invited to a portfolio review for an art scholarship. She's going to be a double major in French and Studio Art. They had these children set up their work more like a show than a standard portfolio review and then came around and interviewed the candidates. She came away from the event nearly in tears because she felt like her shyness was looked down upon. Some of these kids were quite aggressive in gaining the attention of the art professors. Sad part is that her work was frankly some of the best there but I'm just mom so she discounted my opinion of course. </p>
<p>So, is there a place for an introvert child in this competitive college scene? Some introverts go on to become some of our country's greatest thinkers, artists, etc. Do colleges take that into account?</p>
<p>How have you helped your introvert child navigate the college admissions process?</p>
<p>Iām sorry your D had a hard time at the portfolio review. It is so hard to see your childās work (and by extension, your child) not valued as highly as it should be.</p>
<p>Iām an introvert, and I was lucky to find Hollins, a small LAC for women. The atmosphere there was so supportive that I took risks and became involved in areas of campus life I never considered in high school. If your D doesnāt like the idea of an all-female environment, consider womenās colleges in a consortium (e.g. Scripps, Wellesley, Bryn Mawr) or that allow registration in courses at a coed institution nearby. </p>
<p>If you havenāt already found āColleges that Change Livesā, itās a great resource and will point you to a number of small LACās that might be good fits. Some of these schools will be āless selectiveā than her stats would qualify her for, but becoming the person you are meant to be is a huge part of the LAC experience. In addition, sheāll have a better shot at merit aid if she applies to colleges where her stats are above average.</p>
<p>Your Dās essay and recs are going to be really important in her admissions process. A laundry list of extracurriculars is less important, especially for an artist. Most schools are looking for a well-rounded class, not necessarily well-rounded students.</p>
<p>Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Canāt Stop Talking
by Susan Cain </p>
<p>Think about what a college of only extroverts would be like - horrible. I think admissions people understand this and despite their rantings about leadership want a balanced class each year. Let the quality of her work and her passions speak for her and she will do great.</p>
<p>My friendās smart introvert daughter has a really hard time in social situations. She has to make such an effort to function normally with people she doesnāt know well. She comes home totally drained and takes almost a day to recover.<br>
She was recently a bridesmaid in her cousinās wedding and practically had a meltdown before the bridesmaidās luncheon because she didnāt know any of the other girls aside from the bride. The thought of having to make social conversation with strangers is overwhelming for her.</p>
<p>She is now a senior at a small Christian university an hour away from home. She has lived all four years on campus, always with a least one roommate she knew from high sch. She was accepted to a big state u. but thought she would have a hard time in a sea of students.
Sheās had her car with her all four years so she can come home for weekends whenever she needs to. Two summers ago she managed to work away from home for 6 weeks (came home some weekends) as a counselor at a middle sch. girls Christian camp and last year she went abroad for ten days with her college group (best friend/roommate went with her). Big steps for her. Her parents have def. been more involved. w/ her throughout college than the average college student but it has worked for them . </p>
<p>I think the small college close to home with people she knew was a big factor in her success</p>
<p>The portfolio review was actually a success for her (sheās getting offered the top scholarship) but it was the pressure of being extroverted as to why she was in tears. Since I am an extrovert, I often have a hard time understanding it.</p>
<p>yaupon - one of my very best workers went to Hollins and sheās been pushing hard for my daughter to apply there. Yet my daughter keeps bucking against the all womenās environment. Personally, I think it would be a great environment for her but again, being mom, my opinion is summarily tossed aside. Iāll have to check out Colleges that Change Lives. I believe a small LAC would be a good fit for her but sheās been waffling between that and the large university. She loves the amenities at a large university but I fear sheāll do her invisible thing there like she does not at her extremely large high school.</p>
<p>kiddie - I agree! A college needs all types to have a well-rounded student body. I wish the admissions at most of these schools werenāt placing so much emphasis on the extrovert type of candidate. Iāll have to check out that book.</p>
<p>PackMom - I think thatās it exactly as to what happened to her at the portfolio review. It is the idea of āselling herselfā and speaking to all of these strangers. I want to properly launch my daughter but not at the expense of her mental well-being. Weāve been looking at colleges all over but I wonder if a school a bit closer to home would be a good fit, if for no other reason than giving her the option to escape to familiarity when she needs it.</p>
<p>thumper1 - Oh Iāve been doing that quite a bit! Sheās getting annoyed at me now. My hope is that college is the place where she blossoms, gains that confidence, and begins to believe that more than just her family thinks sheās something special. I feel like this college choice is SO critical because I need a place that will nurture her and offers her plenty of opportunities for success.</p>
<p>Ack - this would be so much easier if I had that type A competitive kid because I get those types since I was one myself. Love, love, love my kid but itās so hard to put myself in her shoes.</p>
<p>My introvert son did a very useful thing in high school: he competed in speech & debate. Heās still an introvert, but has no fear whatsoever of public speaking and presentations, and that continues to serve him well (heās now a junior at a good LAC). </p>
<p>I know another super-shy but very smart and motivated hs student who recognized her fear of public speaking, marched herself into the speech coachās office and asked for help. He encouraged her to join he speech team and though it terrified her, it got her past the fear, and, as she put it, made her a better student, coach and employee.</p>
<p>I would caution against a womanās college. My daughter is an introvert and most of her best friends have always been male (including now in college). Many introverted males will bond well with an introverted female as a friend.</p>
<p>Just like Thumper - my introvert daughter has also blossomed in college - she was underappreciated in HS and her hard work and skills are finally being noticed in college. This has been a great boost for her self-esteem. Hopefully the same will happen with your daughter.</p>
<p>She also took a public speaking class in college (which gave her more confidence).</p>
<p>Do read the book on introversion, and have her read it, too. You will understand her better, and she herself. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert! </p>
<p>Introverts can lead, and can be persuasive, and can give speeches. They, we, just need some time alone to recover afterwards. </p>
<p>Fwiw my introverted son went to a big state U and is doing well. I think he has been successful because he had a few good friends there already. He hung out with them and ate meals with them to start. He is also very busy, which has been helpful. He has met new people with common interests, and hasnāt had much time to worry about being by himself when he is alone. To my surprise he made an effort to join a lot of clubs so he would be forced to get out and mingle. </p>
<p>Perhaps most importantly he has good insight into how he is. When he was younger he did struggle with his desire to be alone and with feeling awkward when he tried to connect with people. He wondered why it was so easy for others and not for him. He has accepted that he isnāt a cocktail party kind of guy, but more of an astronomy club guy.</p>
<p>My introverted daughter is thriving at Harvey Mudd (not at all close to home, just as another perspective from the poster who suggested that). While Mudd is not the right fit for your Dās majors, you might look at the Claremont consortium colleges. It has the benefits of the smaller LAC (smaller, tightknit communities in the five ~1,000 student LACs) with the benefits of a larger college campus (the LACs are right up against each other as part of one larger campus, sort of fit together like lego blocks). Scripps or Pomona might be a fit for your D.</p>
<p>My D was really uncomfortable interviewing, so for various reasons we decided she would not interview at most schools. It worked out for her, she was accepted everyplace she applied, including U of Chicago & Swarthmore.</p>
<p>Everyone keeps recommending reading the books on introversion ā but honestly, it isnāt the introverts who need to read it (although a parent who is not introverted could get something out of it, I guess). Where it really should be required reading is for all those extroverted admissions officers!</p>
<p>Although it seems counter-intuitive the astronomy club guy might thrive at a large college just as well as the cocktail party kind of guy, because at the large school he may find many like-minded astronomy kids and at a small school he might not.</p>
<p>My introvert who is thriving is at a very large private university, has found a great circle of like-minded kids. Her unusual interests are not so unusual because among 12,000 students the odds were in her favor that there would be a bunch who shared those unusual interests.</p>
<p>I must say itās refreshing to see so many parents of introvert children and those same children seem to be thriving in college. Sheās been pretty adamant about not applying to schools that see the interview as an important consideration. So, that narrowed her list. Also, she would like to stay in the Southeast (weāre in Charleston SC) but not necessarily right next door either.</p>
<p>She had a pretty disastrous junior year due to multiple surgeries so while her SATs are pretty high, her GPA suffered badly. I think some of these schools suggested above would be out of her reach. So far, sheās liked College of Charleston, UNC Asheville, USC, and Gettysburg. To me, they all seem so different so I do not get why those have made her list but they have.</p>
<p>My S is INTP. I was surprised that he participated with passion in social and community activities in college. He was the group leader of more than couple hundred people.</p>
<p>I donāt believe that introversion or extroversion is related to achievement in any way. Introverts are often highly successful in college and work. I also disagree with the advice to ignore womenās colleges if you are an introvert. I was an introvert and I had a fine time at one. What we are really concerned about is confidence. There are insecure extroverts and confident introverts. Many leaders tend to be introverts, because they can handle the loneliness that comes with authority better than those who need interaction more. </p>
<p>Iām not sure I would cater to my childās desire to avoid interviews if the college is an otherwise good possibility. Your D is going to have learn that skill eventually. Interviews, presentations, etc. are facts of life in academe and employment, and everyone needs to learn how to perform in those settings. Conducting yourself in performance situations is a learned skill and again, has little to do with your natural social inclinations.</p>
<p>coolweather - My daughter is also an INTP. She does love participating in her clubs, she even is okay about leadership roles (sheās the Prime Minister of her French club) but sheās not the type to actively seek the leadership role if that makes sense.</p>
<p>NJSue - I have tried to convince her that interviewing, etc is a skill she must get used to. Funnily enough, when in that situation, she does quite well. However, I can only get her to do what sheās willing to do. While she has not stated the interview is keeping from these colleges, Iāve noticed those colleges suddenly seem to drop from her list. I think itās the interview that is causing this.</p>
<p>Confidence is a huge issue for her and I believe itās because sheās coming from a very competitive school where being an extrovert is prized. Thus, I am hoping her college experience builds that confidence. My issue is how to actually find that place for her since the most of the colleges seem to present their schools as heavy into extroverts, at least based on what I hear from admissions.</p>
<p>I think I may have answered this wherever you posted last but Iāll just throw my 2 cents in again. I think introversion is very misunderstood. Being shy doesnāt equal introversion and vice-versa. If you think that leaders are all out-going extroverts your really have the wrong idea of introversion. Many leaders and performers are introvertsā¦ most of your notables in fact. I think the last statistic I saw was 75 percent of intellectually gifted persons are introverted. Basically, your daughter wonāt be alone at college. </p>
<p>The admissions process can be difficult. My eldest is an introvert (as am I.) Sheās not shy. Sheās a leader and a performer that needs a lot of space and alone time prior and after to any social engagement. Public speaking is not a problemā¦ public speaking about herself, very difficult. She is not a good salesperson for herself and would be more likely to sell her neighbors art work than her own in the situation you mentioned. Writing her essays has been very painful and laborious despite her being an excellent writer generally because they are about herselfā¦ her inner self. However, no question that college is going to be a great place for her as it will be for your daughter.</p>
<p>SOME colleges lean heavily in the direction of the super-confident BMOC types (notably Yale and Harvard, in my experience). I donāt think that most schools search for that to the same degree. Your Dās well-developed passion for art will stand her in good stead, especially since she is receiving recognition for it. Substance over flash. :)</p>
<p>My kid is an introvert, not inclined toward self-promotion. He was never a joiner, and not someone who would volunteer for leadership roles. He also wasnāt a follower, really more inclined to be a lone wolf intellectual, although he had a good circle of friends in HS and wasnāt isolated. Going away to CTY in the summers helped him develop confidence. In college he grew and matured tremendously in this regard. He has a lot more social confidence and more organizational understanding. In his case, I think that one thing that helped him develop this was joining a fraternity, where he took leadership roles of ascending importance. He also worked as a TA, running French language drill sessions, and was good at it: a confidence-in-front-of-a-group booster.</p>
<p>The girl described above who had a meltdown at the mere thought of a luncheon where she only knew one person, who drove home all the time, and who canāt seem to go anywhere or do anything independently sounds to me as if she is struggling with a severe problem, not simply an introvert. I know that people fall along a spectrum of introversion and extroversion, but she sounds like sheās out on the bleeding edge. </p>
<p>I think that your D will gradually grow and build confidence throughout college, if she is in the right environment. That might be a LAC or a university where she can find āher people.ā But I would not want <em>my</em> kid to be in a situation where she can cling to home and run away every weekend.</p>
<p>I have an introvert D who is also doing well at a big state U. One practical thing to consider is the dorming options. D1 has always been in a suite style dorm with her own bedroom. She has always been able to retreat to her space and close the door to recharge.</p>
<p>As Coolweather said, introverted and shy are not the same thing. </p>
<p>Introversion is a basic personality trait and not likely to change. Shyness and fear of public speaking/interviewing may be more common in introverts but are different. Also, public speaking and interviewing are somewhat different skill sets. Someone can learn to be more comfortable in those situations. </p>
<p>Iām an introvert who did speech and debate in HS and it definitely made me more comfortable with public speaking. But I am still an introvert and going to a party where I donāt know anyone sounds like torture. Iād much rather give a speech to a hundred people than make small talk with 10 strangers. A job interview would be preferable to the small talk but more stressful than the speech. :)</p>
<p>Iād recommend a public speaking course in college maybe. Being in tears after interviews is not a given for an introvert and she will encounter situations like that throughout her life.</p>
My hope is that college is the place where she blossoms, gains that confidence, and begins to believe that more than just her family thinks sheās something special. I feel like this college choice is SO critical because I need a place that will nurture her and offers her plenty of opportunities for success.</p>