<p>compmom - she should have been, yes. In retrospect, I should have been more forceful about it. The teachers were required to give her the missed assignments, notes, etc. The class which gave her the problem was Pre-Cal. The teacher gave her the notes - technically (they really were terrible) - and gave her five days to make up all of her work. She was out several weeks at a time. She never caught up, never understood the material, and just flat out tanked the class. It is what it is and now weāre just dealing with that bad grade. All of her grades were a bit off that year but none as bad as Pre-Cal.</p>
<p>I am hoping to get some acceptance letters soon for some of her ED schools (lord, I hope they are acceptances!). Iām hoping this will help her stop fixating on the wrong things. Lately, sheās gotten it into her head that colleges generally do not want the quiet kid. Crisis of confidence in the midst of college app time, I think.</p>
<p>I assume you mean EA (Early Action) schools, as ED (Early Decision) is binding and you can only apply to one of those at a timeā¦ I am sure she will hear some good news ā and honestly, if she doesnāt, it may have more to do with that Pre-Calc grade than being shy or introverted. Did her guidance counselor put any explanation for that dip in grades into the GC recommendation?</p>
<p>My daughter would probably describe herself as an introvert but she often finds herself in charge, that gives her more control which reduces anxiety.</p>
<p>I think both smaller lacs and larger universities, have students along the spectrum of gregariousness, although some interviewers may expect a certain type of student.
But whether you are quiet or not, many students can benefit from developing social skills and self confidence.
She may want to consider a gap year, as some students find they get more out of college with a little more experience under their belt.
ā¦* some of her ED schools?*
Do you possibly mean * EA*?
You only can have ONE ED school.
(Crossposted)</p>
<p>Definitely read up on introversion/extroversion- both parents and D. NOT the same as social skills. </p>
<p>Consider this fact I learned at a teachers and parents gifted/talented seminar day years ago. Around 75% of the general population is extroverted while 75% of highly gifted people are introverted. You know the gifted will be in colleges. The HS teacher giving the lecture is introverted- she would recharge by alone time between classes while most of her peers would be recharging by socializing. It would have been so helpful if the books had been available when my opposite son was little- could have avoided a lot of mismatched parenting. It also explains why my intellectual peer friends did not want to do stuff I did and the people who did were not as satisfying to relate to in conversations (Iām that extroverted lower end gifted person).</p>
<p>Another thought. The more vocal applicants may lack confidence in their portfolios and feel the need to explain them while your D may be showing a quiet confidence- let the thing speak for itself.</p>
<p>I donāt mean to come across as my daughter and I are not relating to one another. She and I are quite close actually. The college admissions process is the only time Iāve had a difficult time understanding her way of thinking. Iāve generally had no issues but understand that she and I are different. Iāve always allowed for that and genuinely have no issues with it. Sheās the best kind I could ever hope for and consider myself lucky in that regard.</p>
<p>Iām starting to wonder if it is her nerves speaking here more than anything else. She, as is her nature, tends to internalize things quite a bit. Sheās quite excited to go to college and experience higher level classes. Cracks me up somewhat because when I went to college, I was just excited to be āmatureā and away from all of the rules of boarding school. Anyway, I digress. Like I said before, I wonder if sheās just starting to have a bit of a crisis of confidence.</p>
<p>I am an extrovert (test as an ESTJ) and often facilitate large, all-day workshops for clients. I notice that at the end of the day I feel a real ābuzzā and it takes me hours to ācome downā.</p>
<p>D (an introvert and college freshman) on the other hand, holds a leadership role in research, and also in her sport. She does great in these leadership roles - very well respected - and effective. However, after a long day she feels wiped out and in need of a recharge. </p>
<p>I gather my energy from my interactions with others - she does not. That is one example of the difference between us.</p>
<p>It is hard to be a parent- you want so much for the best college et al for your D. Molehills can be magnified into mountains. If your knowledge of the event was from your Dās reporting she may have noticed things differently than the reviewers. Time to forget and move on- canāt change the past. Different personalities are drawn to different fields- hers may be common in her interest. I wouldnāt be surprised if she did better than she thought. She will have her work, her HS record and recommendation letters to support her applications. Her good qualities will be told by her teachers. Bolster her confidence with the facts- her credentials, not her presentation.</p>
<p>My son is also an INTP. He would also never actively seek a leadership role, but has repeatedly manage to āfall intoā them in both high school and college because his peers noticed his loyalty and dedication and that he knows/knew the subject matter inside out while remaining low-key and always being ready to teach or help explain concepts.</p>
<p>Heās also a right-brained thinker, more comfortable thinking in images than in words. This can make it difficult for him to quickly convert his thoughts into a flowing narrative; at the same time his ability to intuitively jump to a correct conclusion or analogy 5 steps removed tends to massively impress some people and confuse most of the rest. Consequently, first impressions can range all over the map: those who expect a Type A personality eager to self-promote tend to be disappointed, those who appreciate unorthodox thinkers tend to come away intrigued.</p>
<p>I have found that he becomes much more successful in making great first impressions when he pulls people into his way of thinking. That means turning general open-ended questions into specific ones and using visual tools ā a laptop or an iPhone ā to say āhere let me show you what I meanā and quickly pull up a picture or website or other way to demonstrate an understanding rather than just talk about oneās self.</p>
<p>I identify as introverted, but I think a lot of the confusion in this thread is also that there are a lot of different types of introverts-- and a lot of different types of extroverts. Iām an introvert who enjoys leadership positions, just not purely social interaction (and struggle with things like mixers, parties, etc.), but I can be extremely gregarious and loud in meetings/one-to-one conversations, and I could see how others might think Iām an extrovert. I think that might also be it-- is breaking down the conflation between extroversionāoutspokenness and introversionāshyness.</p>
<p>In addition, celebrate the fact that even though the porfolio interview might not have gone well, she got a scholarship out of it! That means that she doesnāt need to be the loudest or like others-- she can be herself, and itāll all work out. Celebrate/focus on the good. Additionally, I think things will calm down once aceptances (hopefully!) come in, or focus her back to that scholarship. The college admissions process became a lot less stressful once I heard back from a scholarship in early December.</p>
<p>One of the things that helped me a lot in high school/admissions process was a mentor who identified herself as an introvert and was very open in how she felt and how she worked things through. As a result, I think I trusted her a lot, and my relationship with her relly helped āsettleā me with identifying my talents and realizing that there are things that just arenāt āme,ā and thatās okay. I know such a relationship canāt be forced, but does your D have any type of relationship like that where she can talk through her feelings in social interactions, interviews, etc. without judgement and analyze them?</p>
<p>purpleacorn - She does have that relationship with her French teacher and works as her assistant. So thereās plenty of time for them to talk. I suspect once she speaks to her, her viewpoint of the portfolio review will likely change. I am, of course, hearing it through the lens of my daughter. </p>
<p>I wish I could show her art and I think most of you would agree that sheās being a bit nuts about her artwork. Sheās talented (I can only draw stick people) and I seriously doubt her interpretation of the portfolio review went quite as she claimed. I did ask if any of the reviewers said anything negative and she said no but they talked to her for a very long time. I seriously doubt they would do that if they thought she was terrible. The more Iāve thought about it, the more I think its her nerves speaking.</p>
<p>Both of my kids went through this (and I think all of their friends did, too). The āwhat if NO college accepts me?!?ā worries. I think this is period when our kids feel very scrutinized and like they donāt measure up, no matter how good they really are. Just being a quiet cheerleader and providing a shoulder to lean on/ice cream as needed is probably as much as you can do right now. This waiting period after applications are in is the most awful part of college apps, IMHO.</p>
<p>I will sayā¦ it probably is really hard to tell what happened from your Dās description. My D2 would say they talked to her for a really long time if the conversation went on for more than 3 exchanges between themā¦ so that is a relative term. But if they did spend several minutes with her, then it is a good sign. I would like to think that art reviewers ARE mostly about the art and not the personality of the artist.</p>
<p>intparent - I am sure thatās it. I think her being upset alarmed me and thus my concern. Sheās not normally an emotional kid. Sheās usually quite laid back and pretty easy going about 99% of things. Her art is so personal and such a part of how she emotes, so perhaps thatās why she became emotional whereas she normally does not.</p>
<p>I tried to read Quiet and I wound up throwing it out. Itās conflating introversion with emotional sensitivity. From a Myers-Briggs standpoint, it deals with IFās rather than ITās.</p>
<p>south - college admissions is very stressful for all kids (not just introverts) - the idea of strangers judging you is stressful. Add to that the uncertainty of what she wants to do, where she will end up, and what she will do with her life. The pressure on her right now is probably greater than at any other time in her life. Consider her crying part of the typical senior year emotional roller coaster that most kids experience. Just be there for her and try and be her rock this year (so do all of your own stressful crying when she is not around or vent it on cc!)</p>
<p>Yeah, but for a kid who feels like they fumble every time they talk to someone they donāt know AND they know they are being judged on something very important in those conversations, it is more stressful. A lot of this thread has been spent parsing the word āintrovertā, but when someone says their kid is an introvert and having trouble with the college process, 99% of the time that is what they mean. The college admissions process IS designed by and for people who are outgoing and confident talking to strangers.</p>
My daughter is quite well-spoken and does well when she speaks to someone. The issue is that she is quite unlikely to volunteer to speak to someone in many cases. Sheās even less inclined to do so if surrounded by overt extroverts that are pretty aggressive about getting their voices heard. </p>
<p>According to her side of the story, thatās what happened at her portfolio review. Not 100% if thatās exactly what happened since I only heard her side of the story. At the end of the day, she was offered their top scholarship so she must have done something right! I think the whole thing (including this whole college app process) just was a bit overwhelming to her. It was her first big time portfolio review so she didnāt know what to expect. She has a few more this year so if nothing else it was good practice.</p>
You mentioned that some introverts go on to do amazing things after graduating. Many also do impressive things while in high school, as reflected in their ECs, awards, and/or essays, which can be quite helpful for admissions, even if they have nothing to do with extroversion or leadership. Highly selective colleges are looking for a class full of unique individuals, with a variety of unique voices and personality traits, not a class composed of similar persons. If you look at the RD threads, you can find many more specific examples. Extroversion is also not necessary to be successful in college. Some studies show a statistically significant negative correlation with extroversion and college GPA among similar HS stat students. </p>
<p>On Myers-Briggs tests, I always test 100% introversion on the introversion / extroversion scale (INTJ). When I applied to colleges, I didnāt have anything related to leadership or extroversion within my applications. Nevertheless, I was accepted to extremely selective colleges with stats towards the bottom of the class. My personality type also didnāt hold me back from pursuing activities that might be associated with extroversion, such as later on starting an Internet company. However, I continue to dislike larger meetings and generally find them unproductive, and continue to be especially effective when working alone.</p>